(no subject)
so hopefully this post will be significantly less controversial than my last. infact i'll just warn you ahead of time, i'm about to rant about guys so if you just want to stop reading i understand. so recently the one, ONE, guy i've ever truly cared about fucked me over. welcome to dating guys i suppose. i will never understand how someone can mess around with you, ignore you the next couple of days, then hang out with you like nothing happened. maybe i'm crazy but i don't roll that way. relationships have become the one area of my life i cannot overcome. i have absolutely no clue what i'm doing, and i always end up fucked over. not to mention i can't see myself dating anyone who is in high school i'm too afraid they want me for my friends or some other aspect of my life. i have been around the block and i know that in most relationships there is an ulterior motive. i just want someone who really cares. is that too much to ask? i don't even care who it is, how old the person is, what the person looks like...just please give a fuck and be honest. relationships are, for me at least, life's most complicated day to day aspect. i just can't do anything right. i have the tendency to latch onto someone and just not let go. let's look at my past here, i've latched onto the worst possible people you can imagine. Jim...ahaha wow that was pretty cool just kidding, john k. what a fucking joke that was i don't even know how i could be that stupid, and seth. seth is different, he claims to be my best friend but is also the greatest source of misery in my life. i have no other options, i'll be honest it's not like guys are necessarily knocking down my door. i guess i've burned more bridges than i thought i did. READ THIS PART: that's why i'm openly declaring any homosexual who i have wronged in the past who wants to make amends, im me, come up to me in person, whatever, and i will welcome you. i guess at some point you allow yourself to have so many enemies that it becomes overwhelming. my life is a little too dramatic, and i hate it and love it at the same time. i guess it's time to tone things down. i'm ready for change and i can tell it's comming. i mean i'm fucking changing schools next year my life should be significantly different. oh yeah, my birthday is tomorrow. woo.