(no subject)
so yesterday i was on the phone with my mom, and she was really giving it to me about not having a job and doing bad in school last semester. she told me my grades were unacceptable. i know i fucked up last semester, i never went to class and was partying constantly. she is always on my ass about finding a job, and for some reason its been hard for me to get one. maybe its because im really not trying that hard. she was blabbering her brains out and said that i was turing into my step-dads daughter who mooches off my parents and never works. when she said that it really hurt. all my life i told myself i wouldnt be like her, i graduated highschool (she didnt) im in college (she never went). i understand that my parents have gone above and beyond for me. i know the only way to pay them back is by getting a job and ultimately becoming successful in life. but when i look at the big picture i think to myself, its such a competitive world out there "do i really have what it takes?". im scared i dont and in the end im going to fail, and who wants to be with a failure? im scared if i do fail i will lose every one and every thing that i love. so i guess what im saying is my biggest fear in life is failing and being alone. i feel like they go hand in hand.
you would think since im so scared of failing in life i would work hard and motivate myself to do something more. but no i dont. honestly all i care about right now is being irresponsible, drinking, partying, meeting new people and enjoying life (of course doing better in school and finding a little part-time is in there). i mean i have the rest of my life to grow up and take responsibility for my actions im only 18! i havent even lived 1/2 my life! where will this get me? NO WHERE! but i am having a damn good time. live life to the fullest you only get one. i mean you dont want to be on your death bed thinking damn i wish i would have done that. there will still be things we wish we would have done always no matter what. but if the moment presents itself take action and just go with it. now im just blabbering check you later.
you would think since im so scared of failing in life i would work hard and motivate myself to do something more. but no i dont. honestly all i care about right now is being irresponsible, drinking, partying, meeting new people and enjoying life (of course doing better in school and finding a little part-time is in there). i mean i have the rest of my life to grow up and take responsibility for my actions im only 18! i havent even lived 1/2 my life! where will this get me? NO WHERE! but i am having a damn good time. live life to the fullest you only get one. i mean you dont want to be on your death bed thinking damn i wish i would have done that. there will still be things we wish we would have done always no matter what. but if the moment presents itself take action and just go with it. now im just blabbering check you later.