Every single second that I put it off, is another lonely night i gotta race the clock
So live journals are for journaling. With that said I shall commence:
So yea, I took some time to get my thoughts straight. And in doing so I realized that I've spent the last half of a year trying to, well to restate the exact words i used before: to get my thoughts straight. Durring which, I failed miserably, but if it takes half a year to figure things out then maybe my minds better off being cluttered.
Day 1.. August 9. Well no actually I dont know the date but I'm sure its around that time period (On a lighter note thats the same as my old best friends bday.. and thats 7 days after caitlins.) Okay well going into specific details kinda refutes the whole moving on process, so I will just say from aound then until now.. well has been slight off and on hell.
Why you ask? That, my fellow el jay reader, is a very good question. I know the biggest problem is plainly put.. because I am uber paranoid. Well I was at least. For starters, the whole time I liked (for purposes of being discrete we shall call him c-money) well yea.. for the whole time me and c-money were suposivly together/ trying to not be mad at each other for 2 seconds so we can resolve things, I was paranoid about other peopel comming into the mix. And to make it just so much easier on me, i was always yelled at when I brought it up. so yea I tried to just ignore it and think i was just stupid, but yea in the end it turns out i was right all along. And of course i foudn that one out what.. 2 weeks ago. musta missed the memo.
You think I'd be happy with knowing im right .. right? HA. you have no idea. that one hurt more than just beign paranoid. Because you see kids, the thing is when you claim to be someones friend you dont necessarily want to jump on the guy they are seeing/and or are trying to get over. Usually it just doesnt work out like that, and there must be some sort of rule in "the handbook of life" that explains this in detial.. incase you wanted to press the issue further that is.. And just for the record this is a general statement.. that should hopefully be considered in the furture, whether far or near, and to hopefully guide your actions to having a happy and healthy friendship.
And yea yea.. to all those others, most of whom do not even read this or use the intranet, which defeats the whole purpose of broadcasting this, but oh well i feel like typing up a storm because i have not yet felt like saying it. Telling me that you take pity in the peopel who are actually breaking the laws of this "handbook" just because they are being hurt too, then what i tell you is wow, you do not i repeat, DO NOT deserve any sort of caring citizen award in my book. no. I'm sorry but for those of you who got yourselfs into this, then you deserve all the pain that you got out, becuase "god" knows that you inflicetd alot more then you recieved.
It just sucks now, after the fact, and after the point of reconcile, that certain things were ruined (i wont flat out blaime everything on this) because of the fact that well, pardon my french/ exageration some peopel just cant keep their dirty legs crossed.
Yes, with that said I think its time for you viewers to make a choice.. because in the end, although i wish it would be, this shat is just not my decision. I will, however say I dont know how things will change with whatever choice you make, maybe they will get better and we can all quit our biotching, and maybe they will continue as is, and i will forever remain this bitterly sarcastic biotch (pardon the langauge) that i am now. But its not easy being green so I am rooting for it to get better.
And for those of you who would liek a permanent subscription to the Handbook of Life.. then please leave full address listings below, the book covers such chapters as: "What to do when you are drunk and ask if you can sneak out of your sober friends house in the middle of the night to go hang out with a car full of guys, and your sober friend says angrily 'I DONT CARE'"
I mean its okay guys.. i realize that i dont usually verbalize these things but then again i just think its well known etiquitte, BUT THEN AGAIN.. i am the one talkign about a hypothetical Handbook to life. If only they made one that didnt come in the corny chicken soup for the soul wrappers. yes.. if only.
Oh and no hard feelings, just trying to get some stuff off my chest, and im sure that i forgot lots that i wanted to say, slash have been repeting over and over in my head for a while and of course at teh last minute that it semi counts.. aka upon writting this, all the clever, well thought out points i compiled seemed to have fled my mind. dang. just dang is all i have to say. but i mean i do have to say i feel a whole lot lighter by saying all this, whether it be from the extensive work out my typing fingers have gotten or just the huge lump from the back of my throat.. no its not a tumor.. But yea call it waht you want.. maybe a sort of late closure.. that i might have to come and reopen sometime so i can better get my point across, but when all else fails... if you dont know if what you are doing is wrong, then open your eyes you dumbass. I think that could have been niclier put, but it gets the point across and in life, that is just what we are trying to do.. get the point across right?? prove to ourselves of course that we should be the center of attention and over look our friends in the process right? okay maybe that was another rant but still you gotta admit that if you read this far then you must be enjoing my rants .. and trust me i can go on for days.
thank you for your time if you have any questions remember that i am infact a real live person and not some recording device so i can actually answer them... goodnight.