We Couldn't Bring the Columns Downsmells_corruptApril 3 2012, 00:31:12 UTC
Set sometime after NFA. Briefly implied Spuffy as well as C/A
It hurts, thinking about her. It hurts him down to his soul (and he suspects that if he were to lose his soul again it would hurt still. She was just too deep within him) to remember her voice and her smile and her heart. It hurts to imagine what they could have been, if they’d just been braver, smarter, luckier.
And it hurts to think about what they were. Even before the idea of “more” ever crossed his mind. He had loved her so much and in so many ways. Friend, sister, lover, partner. Lifetimes worth of love in only a few short years (He understands Spike’s love for Buffy in ways he will never be able to explain).
And no one understands. We is gone and Gunn is gone and Fred is gone (and the memories of all of them, of all that loss and all that love, of yet another one of his families gone. That hurts more than he thinks about, past his soul and deep down into his bones, into his ash) and there is no one left that knows.
He has seen the books. Mentions of Darla as his sire and Drusilla as his victim (but never enough about the complicated life he shared with them both) appear on the pages of nearly every book he finds himself in, and of course there are paragraphs, pages, entire sections devoted to his relationship with Buffy. About the vampire with a soul who loved a slayer and the slayer who loved him back (there is no mention of the second vampire. The one who loves the slayer now, and is loved by the slayer now, and he has to wonder how long it will be before the books are rewritten).
But there is never anything about Cordelia. And no one left who understands.
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns Downgryfndor_godessApril 3 2012, 01:17:57 UTC
WELL, BREAK MY HEART WHY DON'T YOU. Seriously, I am borderline tearing up at the last two sentences.
(and he suspects that if he were to lose his soul again it would hurt still.
THIS. I've always thought that if he lost his soul, Angelus would turn Cordy rather than kill her so that she would still be with him. I've had this plot bunny for ages about that conversation but haven't gotten around to it.
(He understands Spike’s love for Buffy in ways he will never be able to explain).
Aw, I like that he's at peace with it and understands it.
(but never enough about the complicated life he shared with them both)
YES.
(there is no mention of the second vampire. The one who loves the slayer now, and is loved by the slayer now, and he has to wonder how long it will be before the books are rewritten).
Aadfkjaldfkj, um, I LOVE how this is almost as Spuffy as it is Cangel. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
Those lyrics really are perfect for Cordelia/Angel. *sad sigh*
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns Downsmells_corruptApril 3 2012, 03:15:20 UTC
:D Thank you!
I've always thought that if he lost his soul, Angelus would turn Cordy rather than kill her so that she would still be with him. I've had this plot bunny for ages about that conversation but haven't gotten around to it. I like this!
Aadfkjaldfkj, um, I LOVE how this is almost as Spuffy as it is Cangel. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. Noticed that did you? :D
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns DownsamsomApril 3 2012, 03:49:30 UTC
The last two lines are so killer, an arrow straight to my shipper's heart. Because yeah, meta-wise, when people write about the two vampires and the one slayer, the girl named Cordelia is *always* forgotten.
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns Downlit_chick08April 3 2012, 05:27:51 UTC
This is so beautiful and heartbreaking, and by this section - And no one understands. We is gone and Gunn is gone and Fred is gone (and the memories of all of them, of all that loss and all that love, of yet another one of his families gone. That hurts more than he thinks about, past his soul and deep down into his bones, into his ash) and there is no one left that knows. - I was just an emotional mess.
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns DownyoucallitwinterApril 3 2012, 12:40:57 UTC
Oh, I SO BADLY wanted someone to fill this prompt, but I never imagined anything this spectacular! I adore this to pieces, because I think you captured what I love most about Angel and Cordy; the fact that they literally are everything; friends, lovers, family. And of course Spike/Buffy just makes everything and anything that much better.
But there is never anything about Cordelia. And no one left who understands.
That last line-- GUH. I mean, you took a regular trope from the show (the idea that all these vampires have a history built and documented) and added this wonderful, personal touch. Cordelia was the one who never actually was for Angel, because it was all in the quiet touches and moments that weren't important enough to be documented. That was pretty much all they had, without any grand, epic love. <3
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns Downsmells_corruptApril 3 2012, 14:45:18 UTC
Thank you so much!
of course Spike/Buffy just makes everything and anything that much better Trufax. *nods*
I think one of the saddest things about their relationship besides the obvious (could have it all, rolling in the deep ) is that post-series there are people from Sunnydale who knew Cordy and saw him with her, but are never going to be able to reconcile what they know with what happened later, because there's no real proof. :(
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns DownyoucallitwinterApril 3 2012, 15:44:59 UTC
God, I know D: Actually that's a lovely way of putting it, because honestly Cordy may have been the most important woman in Angel's life (after Darla, of course, but we can make the 'most important woman in Angelus's life' distinction, I suppose!) and at the end, you can't even be sure how much of even her memories have been left behind, considering that the entire time he was in love with her (the whole Connor timeline) has been erased from everyone's memories. So we can't even be sure if anyone recalls the depth of his feelings or how madly, desperately in love they were at a point. And also because Cordelia was pretty much the first person he probably ~grew to love. Unlike Darla, unlike Buffy, which were pretty instantaneous, Cordelia is someone he grew with and grew into.
I JUST SAW ANGEL FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST MONTH SO I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. Lol, I'm not even done with the show, just till 5x06 (where Eve/Angel seems to be a thing, and GOD WHY, like I can't tell they pretty much introduced that character for that sole purpose, ugh. And no one so much as mentions Cordelia or that Angel's in love with her. DD:). So I suppose I may be wrong about some stuff because I actually don't know what happens later *goes to watch*
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns Downsmells_corruptApril 3 2012, 16:17:56 UTC
as far as people not remembering S4, I, uh, can't really comment on that since you're only on 5.6 *g*
But yeah, I agree about Cordy being the first person he ~grew to love. I think the argument can also be made that she is the first person he loved in a non-romantic capacity as well and I think that's huge.
Angel is a fantastic show. I need to watch it again :D
Re: We Couldn't Bring the Columns DowndamnskippytooApril 5 2012, 19:40:40 UTC
But there is never anything about Cordelia. And no one left who understands.
The truth of this is amazingly painful to me - even after all the years the show has been off the air. And I never thought about the fact that really only Angel knows because everyone who was there to witness it - them - is gone. Why u hurt me so? *sniff*
It hurts, thinking about her. It hurts him down to his soul (and he suspects that if he were to lose his soul again it would hurt still. She was just too deep within him) to remember her voice and her smile and her heart. It hurts to imagine what they could have been, if they’d just been braver, smarter, luckier.
And it hurts to think about what they were. Even before the idea of “more” ever crossed his mind. He had loved her so much and in so many ways. Friend, sister, lover, partner. Lifetimes worth of love in only a few short years (He understands Spike’s love for Buffy in ways he will never be able to explain).
And no one understands. We is gone and Gunn is gone and Fred is gone (and the memories of all of them, of all that loss and all that love, of yet another one of his families gone. That hurts more than he thinks about, past his soul and deep down into his bones, into his ash) and there is no one left that knows.
He has seen the books. Mentions of Darla as his sire and Drusilla as his victim (but never enough about the complicated life he shared with them both) appear on the pages of nearly every book he finds himself in, and of course there are paragraphs, pages, entire sections devoted to his relationship with Buffy. About the vampire with a soul who loved a slayer and the slayer who loved him back (there is no mention of the second vampire. The one who loves the slayer now, and is loved by the slayer now, and he has to wonder how long it will be before the books are rewritten).
But there is never anything about Cordelia. And no one left who understands.
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(and he suspects that if he were to lose his soul again it would hurt still.
THIS. I've always thought that if he lost his soul, Angelus would turn Cordy rather than kill her so that she would still be with him. I've had this plot bunny for ages about that conversation but haven't gotten around to it.
(He understands Spike’s love for Buffy in ways he will never be able to explain).
Aw, I like that he's at peace with it and understands it.
(but never enough about the complicated life he shared with them both)
YES.
(there is no mention of the second vampire. The one who loves the slayer now, and is loved by the slayer now, and he has to wonder how long it will be before the books are rewritten).
Aadfkjaldfkj, um, I LOVE how this is almost as Spuffy as it is Cangel. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
Those lyrics really are perfect for Cordelia/Angel. *sad sigh*
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I've always thought that if he lost his soul, Angelus would turn Cordy rather than kill her so that she would still be with him. I've had this plot bunny for ages about that conversation but haven't gotten around to it. I like this!
Aadfkjaldfkj, um, I LOVE how this is almost as Spuffy as it is Cangel. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. Noticed that did you? :D
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Why would you write such a thing.
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Beautiful fic. <3
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Bravo.
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But there is never anything about Cordelia. And no one left who understands.
That last line-- GUH. I mean, you took a regular trope from the show (the idea that all these vampires have a history built and documented) and added this wonderful, personal touch. Cordelia was the one who never actually was for Angel, because it was all in the quiet touches and moments that weren't important enough to be documented. That was pretty much all they had, without any grand, epic love. <3
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of course Spike/Buffy just makes everything and anything that much better Trufax. *nods*
I think one of the saddest things about their relationship besides the obvious (could have it all, rolling in the deep ) is that post-series there are people from Sunnydale who knew Cordy and saw him with her, but are never going to be able to reconcile what they know with what happened later, because there's no real proof. :(
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I JUST SAW ANGEL FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST MONTH SO I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. Lol, I'm not even done with the show, just till 5x06 (where Eve/Angel seems to be a thing, and GOD WHY, like I can't tell they pretty much introduced that character for that sole purpose, ugh. And no one so much as mentions Cordelia or that Angel's in love with her. DD:). So I suppose I may be wrong about some stuff because I actually don't know what happens later *goes to watch*
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But yeah, I agree about Cordy being the first person he ~grew to love. I think the argument can also be made that she is the first person he loved in a non-romantic capacity as well and I think that's huge.
Angel is a fantastic show. I need to watch it again :D
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The truth of this is amazingly painful to me - even after all the years the show has been off the air. And I never thought about the fact that really only Angel knows because everyone who was there to witness it - them - is gone. Why u hurt me so? *sniff*
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