fill: Don't Tell Me If I'm Dying ('Cause I Don't Want To Go) part 2tenthroseApril 2 2012, 21:12:06 UTC
It wasn't as if he was getting much enjoyment out of life, nowadays. Oh, there was this and that. Amusement parks, coral reefs made of crystals, supernovas, human history. A few things which just for a moment could make him feel a little bit happy. But most of the time, he could hardly even see the stars. All he could see was everything bad that happened to the people on the planets orbiting those stars, and that he couldn't stop it.
He knew how to fix that. He knew perfectly well. Go to some planet (oh, who was he kidding, twenty first century London), and find some lost girl, show her the universe, see it through her eyes. He'd done it enough times, he knew how it worked.
And he knew that she'd leave him. Oh, not on purpose, most of the time. But she'd leave, because they all do. Everyone leaves him, everyone goes away. And they go away broken, damaged, not the innocent young women he picked up. Sometimes they even go away dead. He couldn't do it. Not anymore.
He was supposed to protect people, not put them in danger. He was a rubbish hero, he knew that. Everywhere he went something bad happened. But at least he could try. Try to help instead of hurting. The easiest thing he could do was to not put someone in danger.
If only he could find someone who would stay. Someone who could stay young and whole and innocent, come out of meeting him undamaged. Someone who he could travel the stars with forever. Yes, forever. Someone who he could promise forever and mean it for once. He deserved that, didn't he? Someone who would stay with him. Or, better yet, let everyone stay.
But he couldn't have that, he knew it. The Curse of the Time Lords, he'd told Rose. Having to live through everyone else dying around him, because he lived too long.
Another thought crossed his mind. He could have a day. He could take the TARDIS into deep space and blow it up. No Doctor. No TARDIS. The Time Lords would be extinct. And he'd have power. He'd be able to do it his way, not the prophecy's way. He wouldn't let that control him, he would just die. The universe would be better off without him in it anyway.
He took deep breath and stretched his slender fingers out towards the button. Self Destruct. He could do it, he could do it, he could do it.
No. He couldn't. He'd done enough to Time, since Mars. But not just that. He didn't want to die.
For some reason he couldn't understand at all, the Doctor didn't want to die. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil? Oh, good old Shakespeare.
Maybe he could wipe his own memories. Forget about the prophecy that was driving him mad. Forget about Donna. Forget about Rose. Forget about the Time Lords and the Time War and everything else that made him miserable. But that wouldn't do either, because that would be the same thing as dying.
Without his memories, who would he be? Not the Doctor. Just someone calling himself that, exactly what he was trying to avoid to begin with. Oh, the joys of a catch-22. Brilliant. He didn’t want to live like this and he didn’t want to die.
There was only one thing left for it. To do his duty. To let the universe boss him around. Because maybe, just maybe he could beat it anyway.
“The Planet of the Ood.” The Doctor rolled the words around in his mouth, speaking to no one but himself as he set the co-ordinates.
He Will Knock Four Times. The Doctor couldn’t help knowing that, no matter what he wanted. But before ‘he’, whoever ‘he’ was did that.
Re: fill: Don't Tell Me If I'm Dying ('Cause I Don't Want To Go) part 2youcallitwinterApril 3 2012, 12:31:36 UTC
I don't know the first thing about Doctor Who, but my god, your writing style is stunning, I had no idea about plot points but I enjoyed it so much anyway!
Re: fill: Don't Tell Me If I'm Dying ('Cause I Don't Want To Go) part 2kilodaltonApril 4 2012, 17:16:56 UTC
This is LOVELY!!! Thank you so much! I love the parallel you drew between the four knocks and the sound of drums - you are SO RIGHT!! I also love the ~rambly~ style, as you put it - that is so, so very Ten and fits this so well. Thank you again!
He knew how to fix that. He knew perfectly well. Go to some planet (oh, who was he kidding, twenty first century London), and find some lost girl, show her the universe, see it through her eyes. He'd done it enough times, he knew how it worked.
And he knew that she'd leave him. Oh, not on purpose, most of the time. But she'd leave, because they all do. Everyone leaves him, everyone goes away. And they go away broken, damaged, not the innocent young women he picked up. Sometimes they even go away dead. He couldn't do it. Not anymore.
He was supposed to protect people, not put them in danger. He was a rubbish hero, he knew that. Everywhere he went something bad happened. But at least he could try. Try to help instead of hurting. The easiest thing he could do was to not put someone in danger.
If only he could find someone who would stay. Someone who could stay young and whole and innocent, come out of meeting him undamaged. Someone who he could travel the stars with forever. Yes, forever. Someone who he could promise forever and mean it for once. He deserved that, didn't he? Someone who would stay with him. Or, better yet, let everyone stay.
But he couldn't have that, he knew it. The Curse of the Time Lords, he'd told Rose. Having to live through everyone else dying around him, because he lived too long.
Another thought crossed his mind. He could have a day. He could take the TARDIS into deep space and blow it up. No Doctor. No TARDIS. The Time Lords would be extinct. And he'd have power. He'd be able to do it his way, not the prophecy's way. He wouldn't let that control him, he would just die. The universe would be better off without him in it anyway.
He took deep breath and stretched his slender fingers out towards the button. Self Destruct. He could do it, he could do it, he could do it.
No. He couldn't. He'd done enough to Time, since Mars. But not just that. He didn't want to die.
For some reason he couldn't understand at all, the Doctor didn't want to die. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil? Oh, good old Shakespeare.
Maybe he could wipe his own memories. Forget about the prophecy that was driving him mad. Forget about Donna. Forget about Rose. Forget about the Time Lords and the Time War and everything else that made him miserable. But that wouldn't do either, because that would be the same thing as dying.
Without his memories, who would he be? Not the Doctor. Just someone calling himself that, exactly what he was trying to avoid to begin with. Oh, the joys of a catch-22. Brilliant. He didn’t want to live like this and he didn’t want to die.
There was only one thing left for it. To do his duty. To let the universe boss him around. Because maybe, just maybe he could beat it anyway.
“The Planet of the Ood.” The Doctor rolled the words around in his mouth, speaking to no one but himself as he set the co-ordinates.
He Will Knock Four Times. The Doctor couldn’t help knowing that, no matter what he wanted. But before ‘he’, whoever ‘he’ was did that.
Well, the Doctor had one more world to save.
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Yes. Oh my god, yes. Such an awesome line.
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