Saved By The Bus Ch 4

[youbettago12]

SPOV

I was just finishing unloading the last of my haul from the farmers market when Pam came into the kitchen and grabbed up one of the plump plumbs on the counter. We chatted a bit about the menu for dinner and what else was going on around the house before she casually suggested I take a stroll through the gardens since it was so lovely outside. I knew she was up to something, but I had learned long ago to just roll with whatever Pam pushed my way or suffer her wrath.

I finished putting the wonderful fruits and veggies away, found a vase for the bunch of wildflowers I had also purchased before grabbing a small bowl of grapes and some lemonade and making my way outside to take a stroll.

A few minutes later I found myself near the statues down at one end of the garden when I heard a strange sound. I stood stock-still, my mouth stopping mid-chew on a delicious plump red grape to listen for the unknown noise.

It was… chuckling? It sounded like a chuckle… but with a bit of a snort mixed in. I almost choked on the half eaten grape when I turned the corner of the hedge to see the cause.

Eric was reading a book. Not just any book.

Eric had one of my Black Dagger Brotherhood books; his nose buried so far in it he didn't see me approach.

"Whatcha laughing at?" I said a little loudly. I might have been trying to startle him out of his reverie at that point.

Suddenly the day before appeared to happen all over again as the book tumbled out of his grasp and right into his lap. The look of pure terror washing over his face was adorable in an 'I hope she doesn't notice what I was reading' kind of way.

"Shit! Sookie, I didn't know you were there…" he trailed off as he attempted to fold the blanket over the paperback.

"Ah ah ah!" I said as I snatched the novel from his lap. The page he had left off on wasn't hard to find so I flipped it open to take stock of what he had been snickering at.

"I didn't know you liked vampires, Eric. This is actually the fourth book in the series; I'd be happy to get the first three from the library for you if you'd like to read in order." I looked down at the page. Jackpot. Eric had been reading a sex scene.. and… laughing?

"Tell me, what did you find so funny on this page? All I see is some steamy steamy going on." I laughed as he began to blush. So adorable!

I handed the book back to him and he gently took it with his thumb and index finger as if it was tainted. Setting it down on the side tray of the 'Benz, he looked out towards the oaks before he spoke.

"I just picked up the closest book yesterday when I came out here. I didn't know what it was about. But," he paused before looking back to me, "I am kind of enjoying it."

He smirked at me a little as he said those last words. He actually looked a little embarrassed and I chastised myself for having teased him.

"Eric, I'm sorry. I really do love these books and they are best from the beginning. You aren't far away from the end on this one, why don't I bring you the others to start once this one is done? Tell you what, we can read them together; it's been a while since I read the series."

He sheepishly agreed as I sat on the bench beside his chair and popped another grape in my mouth.

After that, Eric and I sat side by side; both eating the delicious fruit as he read and I enjoyed the tranquility of the gardens. I took a long drink of my lemonade and without even thinking extended it to Eric, offering him some. After setting aside his book and taking a drink, he handed it back to me and continued with the last few pages while I finished the glass and set it down.

As I leaned back against the bench and closed my eyes, just enjoying the sunshine, it became apparent to me just how comfortable I was with Eric. I thought about how easy it would be to just blurt out all my questions for him; tell him all about my deep dark secrets. Isn't that all we ever want? To be comfortable enough with someone to be able to tell them anything with no fear of their reactions? It's like when you are driving down the highway and you think about how easy it would be to jerk the wheel and careen through the guardrail. But then what? Those aren't thoughts any rational and sane person should have, are they? But then, we weren't talking about crashing on purpose; we were talking about spilling my guts to this virtual stranger who I had taken into my home. There was so much I yearned to know about him and so much I wanted to share. Why?

Well, that was the magic question wasn't it?

His easy companionship was welcome in my life and I hesitated to open the door that I wasn't sure he was willing to step through with me.

When I opened my eyes and brought my face forward again, I noticed that Eric had finished with his book and was now simply staring at me with an uncertain expression.

"What?" I asked; a slight smile on my face from the beauty of the day.

He opened his mouth as if to answer, and then hesitated before his eyes shifted down as his voice finally came.

"I'm sorry. You just looked so… lost. Lost for a moment. That's all."

"I am." My voice was such a whisper; I didn't even realize I had vocalized my thought until he responded.

"So am I."

He looked back up and his gaze met mine. His bright blue eyes were so cloudy; I could have sworn there was a storm brewing in those Aegeans.

We sat there, just staring at each other not having to say a word for a few minutes. Everything I felt, all the loss and pain, was mirrored in Eric's eyes. I hoped he could see it in my own and understand that I was a kindred soul. I thought back to the moments when my plane had landed and the caskets were loaded into hearses to be brought to the funeral home. A moment I hadn't thought of in so long was suddenly at the forefront of my mind and all I could think of was the sound of jets taking off and landing around me. I could hear no sounds from the people around me or the handling of my loved ones. All I could hear were those jets. They had been wonderfully numbing to me. They had comforted me and blocked out everything.

Slowly, I turned down the jets that I'd let run in the background of my mind for years. When their dull blast faded I realized that Eric and I had clasped hands somewhere in our eye-meld and he was rubbing slow soothing circles on my palm. I gave his large hand a squeeze with my small one as I wiped my cheek with the other, banishing the tear that had threatened to fall from my lashes.

Eric's face had changed from one of loss to one of compassion and understanding. In that instant, he turned from stranger to friend.

What did I have to lose, right?

"Eight years ago, everyone I had left in this world, everyone I loved… They were killed."

EPOV

While I was thoroughly enjoying my book and the glorious sunshine of the garden, I was fucking accosted by a bouncing blond. She did offer me grapes though, so she could be forgiven.

We sat for a while after she had scared the ever loving shit out of me - yet again. I didn't even question it when she handed over that delicious lemonade to share with me. I silently thanked whoever had been responsible for providing this bum a toothbrush when I had first moved in to the manse.

Obviously she wasn't repulsed by me if she was willing to share a glass. I took this as a good sign.

I finished what was easily my new favorite book - hey, don't judge. Strong as fuck vampires who were studs and had some badass women were pretty fucking interesting. After I tucked the book in a cubbie hole in the 'Benz, I turned my face to Sookie to see her with her face upturned, worshipping the Sun with her lids closed. She looked gorgeous.

And then her expression changed.

When she admitted she was lost, I took it as my cue to open the dialogue I had decided to forge ahead with the previous night and told her I was lost too.

I felt it even before she said another word. I felt the loss and the grief and the inability to understand. I had felt it all as well; still did. I don't remember if it was her hand or mine that initially made contact. All I knew was that I had her hand now and did my best to comfort her with the small circles my thumb made on her warm and soft skin. When she finally spoke, her words nearly knocked me out. I willed myself still; willed myself to be strong for her, even if inside her admission made me feel the loss of my own love and whole life all over again.

She continued on with her story and told me of the crash that claimed her family while on vacation. I held her small hand and hoped that my gaze reflected just how much I actually did care and appreciate her forthcoming with me.

I cared.

Again, I found myself unable to understand the why of it. All I knew was that I did. Just go with it. I told myself. Just go with it and don't try to understand because you don't need to.

After a while, Sookie was quiet and I noted the small tear that cascaded down her smooth cheek. Removing my good hand from her grasp I reached out and wiped it away before taking up her hand again and weaving our fingers together.

"Thank you. Thank you for sharing with me, Sookie."

"I've only ever talked like this with Amelia. I think… I think it's good to get it out. I think it's time." She squeezed my hand and I knew that it indeed was time. Time for me to open myself to her as she had to me.

"It was Katrina." I started. Sookie brought her free hand to our clasped ones and began gently stroking my wrist. The gesture was instantly soothing.

"I had a life. I had a very full life, much as you say yours was." I stared at the meshing of our hands resting on the back of the bench as I spoke. Our fingers a mass; both of her hands the same size as one of mine. I thought back to Audrey and her tiny hands. I let it all out.

"She was my light, she was everything to me. None of it mattered when she was gone. I never went back to our home; never went back to my business… I just left it all behind. I walked away. Once, I saw my brother Alex on the street; by then I had grown that horrible shrub of a beard and had lost 30 pounds. He didn't recognize me. I suppose it was for the better since I wasn't the same man, inside or out. I let him walk away, thinking his brother had been lost in the storm as well. I wished everyday that I had been."

I'd never said any of that out loud. When I really thought about it, I'd never even let myself form that coherent of an inner monologue either. I just didn't want to think about it, but now here I was pouring my heart out to the woman I'd saved and who had taken me into her home. The woman I saved. That thought hit me more than any other. Would her small frame have withstood the impact of that speeding bus as well as mine or would she have... I didn't even want to think of it; couldn't.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, our fingers gently grasping at each other's and distracting me from the horrible thoughts I'd had moments ago. After a few moments, I felt one of her hands disengage and her warm fingers trail up my arm with a gentle and reassuring pressure. Her touch was soothing, but not as soothing as the look on her face.

"Thank you, Eric. Thank you for opening up to me. I've had eight years to try and burst through my wall, but you've only had one. Look how far ahead of the game you are."She gave a reassuring smile, one full of warmth and understanding.

I couldn't meet her gaze then. She had lost her entire family. Such responsibilities I would never know had been thrust upon her with their endless business endeavors. She'd had to go through her formative years without a parent. What had I done? I'd retreated into solitude and shut out the family that had so desperately searched for me to offer comfort and support. Why?

Suddenly I felt ashamed. Here was this incredibly strong woman, offering me praise when I clearly did not deserve it. I didn't deserve any of it; her hospitality or her compassion or her smile. All of it was too good for me.

I broke down.

I sobbed. At first it was just a sniffle, but soon I was full on wailing and I was leaking from my eyes like a pregnant woman watching Steel Magnolias.

"It's okay Eric, I'm here. It's alright."

Sookie moved closer to my chair and gingerly leaned in to place an arm around my shaking shoulders.

"I don't deserve your comfort. I don't deserve anything…"

"Non-sense. You're hurting. You're still grieving. I get that. You're not weak because you miss what was dear to you." I could feel her words vibrate through me. Physically and emotionally.

"It's not that Sookie," I raised my head to face her. "I turned them away. I have a family that has no idea where I am, but you've lost everyone. What kind of a person am I? I've taken for granted what you want most, how can I deserve anything you have to give me?"

She looked at me for a moment, taking in my words and finally understanding. When she spoke, her voice was even and sincere and I liked her all the more for it.

"Eric, choices we make in life are not always final. Just because your family wasn't what you needed a year ago doesn't mean you won't need them at some point down the line. You are not a horrible person because you didn't want to be with them. You are not a horrible person because you needed time to be by yourself."

Her small hand cupped my cheek and wiped away my tears with her thumb as she spoke her next words.

"You've done right by me. You saved my life. You deserve so much more than what I have already given you. Do you understand me? You are not a horrible person. Grief takes a hold on you and does what it will. You're getting back up. You'll get there. I'll help you get there. Okay?"

I searched her eyes. Not an ounce of pity; only understanding and honesty.

I nodded my head and pressed my hand to hers on the side of my face. That hand, so small and soft was like the strongest steel cable, anchoring me and pulling me in. She was like a lifeline that I so desperately needed.

Just who was saving who here?

As promised, Sookie delivered more books to my room after lunch. We decided to read the series together, so we took turns reading aloud and I have to admit, when it got to the sex scenes… I let Sookie take over. Sure, my confidence was slowly returning to me but putting on my big-boy voice and laying on the sex talk wasn't exactly in my range yet. Besides, was flirting with Sookie even something I wanted to do? Was it something she would want me to do? What could she possibly see in me…?

No. I'd let her read those portions and gauge my reactions based on her. I'd follow her lead.

But damn, the way she read that stuff... just about had me at full attention.

Shit. I totally wanted to flirt with her.

The moment I realized it, my face flushed and I felt dizzy. It was like sneaking in past curfew and getting caught by the parent waiting in the dark; my stomach dropped and a thousand tiny gymnasts prepared to do their floor routine in it while the rest of my skin broke out in a clammy, cold sweat. What the hell, Northman! Always wanting what you can never have. She'll never want you. Besides the fact that you are damaged goods, what could you possibly give her?

The simple answer to the question?

Nothing. Nothing and everything. Because I had so little, everything I had to give would be easy enough to relinquish and turn over to her. All I had was this broken body and the lost lonely soul it contained. I could give that to her… if she would have it; if she would have me.

I tuned back in to hear her lilting voice tell me about Beth and Wrath and suddenly it was time for Pam to come in and help me bathe. I loathed that part of the day. Not that Pam didn't take excellent care of me - she did. I just felt like such a burden and to be honest, an embarrassment. Only infants needed help to cleanse themselves.

When Pam walked in with the doctor trailing her, I was slightly surprised.

"Hello, Eric. How are you doing today?" Dr. Ludwig's voice perfectly matched her short stature.

"Hello Doctor. I think I'm doing fairly well, but I'll let you be the judge of that."

She came over to my side and examined me, then had me wiggle the fingers on my casted arm and made some sounds of affirmation. I was so caught up in my self-revelation of wanting to pursue Sookie that I barely noticed when Dr. Ludwig said she'd be removing the cast on my arm and took out a tiny electrical saw.

"What?" Both Sookie and I spoke up at the same time.

"The fracture of the arm wasn't very bad and seems to be healing nicely. We'll take off that cumbersome thing and give you a smaller Velcro version that will be much easier to maneuver around with. Now, are you ready Eric?" The tiny human was holding the saw in an axe-murderer wielding sort of way that kind of gave me the creeps. However, she was removing a part of my plaster prison so I was all grins as she started in.

A few minutes and one dust cloud later, my arm emerged. The skin was pale and clammy, but other than that unharmed. I flexed my fingers a few times and turned my palm over to examine it before Pam brought me a wet wash rag to clean it up.

"How does it feel?" Dr. Ludwig asked as she tenderly pressed on the radius that had been the location of the break.

"A little tender, but not bad at all. How long until its back to normal?"

"Oh, let's wear the brace for a few weeks and see how we do. You can use it, but keep it on light-duty, Mister. Nothing over a couple of pounds for a while. Next time I see you we will re-evaluate that. Now, let me take a look at those legs."

Dr. Ludwig reached for the blanket in my lap to pull it away when I automatically shot both arms out and stopped her. She looked up at me a bit huffy before realizing that we had far too many people in the room.

Even though Pam had seen all my intimate parts, and washed them, I didn't want Sookie to feel like the odd man out, so she and Pam left while the good doctor took a look at my injuries.

After deciding that very good progress was being made, she covered me back up and said that next week I should be able to get fitted into some flexible braces and ditch these full leg casts. Thank. Fuck.

We chatted a bit more and then she said something that made me smile.

"You seem in good spirits, Northman. Is it the change of scenery, or the company?"

I thought about it for a moment. How do I answer that?

"It's both; the company being the deciding factor. Definitely."

She patted my hand before exiting the room and squawking loudly at the eavesdroppers outside. I just chuckled to myself and waited for them to come in and begin the inquisition.

What I didn't expect was that my two inquisitors would be Pam and Amelia.