(no subject)
So I sing my life in circles
Through these outrages and I
Have had some really nice people
Have to tell me goodbye
So I give a wish to a nickel, close my eyes and
let it fly and try to stay positive.
What a crazy past few months. I figure this is a good time to let it all out.
First - Winter/Depression fit - Basically, this was my first experience with it. This went beyond just self diagnosed "bummed" but to legit depression. My Dad had it for a while, I saw someone. And now I've beaten it. Not surprisingly, it felt like it was never going to end. I made some dumb decisions will I was in that stage, no regrets though.
Second - So the day I finally feel as though i've shaken the shit, I get the bomb dropped on me by the significant other of my life. Although, I guess I could have seen this coming throughout the winter, because along with depression, I had absolutely no sexual energy and no motivation to hang out with anyone, really. I also had no motivation to commit to her. I've just gotten good with excuses and hiding myself.
Anyway, so I've been dealing with that for the last month and a half, because directly after that she began to date my best friend. Best friend and I had a long conversation about things and I explained I was not mad at him, just bummed about the situation and that I'd appreciate it if there was a little time before things happened. We were on the same page. A week later, they are officially dating and i'm not sure how to take it. I'm still not mad, but I am somewhat dissapointed. Now they , who happen to be 2 EXTREMELY important people in my life, have now entered honeymoon phase and don't hang out anymore. The "it's awkward" excuse isn't valid anymore. I've gotten over it and just want to be around 2 people I care for, instead of them being together all the time and retreating.
Third - This is also interesting, because this whole situation has brought me closer to someone else, who i'm really into. This is amazing, I feel really great about everything, but I just keep doubting myself as a person. I can't help but think that everything that has happened has made me a weaker person. It's disheartening but I'm getting through it and hopefully things will look up.
Everything else in my life has been extremely positive. I just got back from one of the best weekends i've had in a long time. After my last exam on Thursday [which I got an A on !! Stoked!!] I packed up my room and came home for my Mom's birthday. Went to dinner, went to bed. Got up and took my Dad to the ABC building for a news interview for TV. Dropped him at the hospital, came home, packed up, drove to Greensboro, NC. Got to Victor's house, drank some, went to see Kind Of Like Spitting with friends, whichw as AMAZING. Then everyone, including the band, hung out and it was really great. Went to bed around 4 am with Victor and Mika [in their bed, it ruled]. Woke up, got burrito's, went to some comic shops, and then went to Mika's parent's house to watch last weeks episode of the OC and Parental Control. Took a shower, relaxed, it was good.
Went and got dinner with more friends including Brandon, Ashley, Victor, Mika, and Kevin. Good times, went back to Victor's, waited for Lindsey and Danny. They got there, drank a little, then went to Ashley's for Victor and I's birthday party. Met a lot of rad people, got way too drunk, had a blast. Went back to Victor's where we sat around and talked for a while. Decided to go back to Cary/Raleigh with Jessica/Linds/Danny and stayed the night there. Definitely glad I did. Good company, and it made for a shorter drive today.
Got home today and pretty much any dumb tension in my house had been lifted. My Dad is definitely doing a lot better, graduated to a cane instead of a walker, and he should be back in full gear in a couple of weeks. I'm definitely glad about that cause my Dad is way too active to sit around all the time!
At the end of the month I get to move into a new house with my 4 best friends and I can't wait. I'll be in Harrisonburg May 25th - May 30th or so, then coming home for a little bit again, then back up from June 5th - July 7th. After July 7th i'm up in the air about what to do. Dialogues and American Tourist/Facts will probably play a lot of shows and write a lot of music. I'm excited about it. This summer should be good. Things are positive, I just need to meet the level of awesomeness that my life is providing right now. I feel up to the challenge.
Summer - I'm ready. Let's fucking do this.
Through these outrages and I
Have had some really nice people
Have to tell me goodbye
So I give a wish to a nickel, close my eyes and
let it fly and try to stay positive.
What a crazy past few months. I figure this is a good time to let it all out.
First - Winter/Depression fit - Basically, this was my first experience with it. This went beyond just self diagnosed "bummed" but to legit depression. My Dad had it for a while, I saw someone. And now I've beaten it. Not surprisingly, it felt like it was never going to end. I made some dumb decisions will I was in that stage, no regrets though.
Second - So the day I finally feel as though i've shaken the shit, I get the bomb dropped on me by the significant other of my life. Although, I guess I could have seen this coming throughout the winter, because along with depression, I had absolutely no sexual energy and no motivation to hang out with anyone, really. I also had no motivation to commit to her. I've just gotten good with excuses and hiding myself.
Anyway, so I've been dealing with that for the last month and a half, because directly after that she began to date my best friend. Best friend and I had a long conversation about things and I explained I was not mad at him, just bummed about the situation and that I'd appreciate it if there was a little time before things happened. We were on the same page. A week later, they are officially dating and i'm not sure how to take it. I'm still not mad, but I am somewhat dissapointed. Now they , who happen to be 2 EXTREMELY important people in my life, have now entered honeymoon phase and don't hang out anymore. The "it's awkward" excuse isn't valid anymore. I've gotten over it and just want to be around 2 people I care for, instead of them being together all the time and retreating.
Third - This is also interesting, because this whole situation has brought me closer to someone else, who i'm really into. This is amazing, I feel really great about everything, but I just keep doubting myself as a person. I can't help but think that everything that has happened has made me a weaker person. It's disheartening but I'm getting through it and hopefully things will look up.
Everything else in my life has been extremely positive. I just got back from one of the best weekends i've had in a long time. After my last exam on Thursday [which I got an A on !! Stoked!!] I packed up my room and came home for my Mom's birthday. Went to dinner, went to bed. Got up and took my Dad to the ABC building for a news interview for TV. Dropped him at the hospital, came home, packed up, drove to Greensboro, NC. Got to Victor's house, drank some, went to see Kind Of Like Spitting with friends, whichw as AMAZING. Then everyone, including the band, hung out and it was really great. Went to bed around 4 am with Victor and Mika [in their bed, it ruled]. Woke up, got burrito's, went to some comic shops, and then went to Mika's parent's house to watch last weeks episode of the OC and Parental Control. Took a shower, relaxed, it was good.
Went and got dinner with more friends including Brandon, Ashley, Victor, Mika, and Kevin. Good times, went back to Victor's, waited for Lindsey and Danny. They got there, drank a little, then went to Ashley's for Victor and I's birthday party. Met a lot of rad people, got way too drunk, had a blast. Went back to Victor's where we sat around and talked for a while. Decided to go back to Cary/Raleigh with Jessica/Linds/Danny and stayed the night there. Definitely glad I did. Good company, and it made for a shorter drive today.
Got home today and pretty much any dumb tension in my house had been lifted. My Dad is definitely doing a lot better, graduated to a cane instead of a walker, and he should be back in full gear in a couple of weeks. I'm definitely glad about that cause my Dad is way too active to sit around all the time!
At the end of the month I get to move into a new house with my 4 best friends and I can't wait. I'll be in Harrisonburg May 25th - May 30th or so, then coming home for a little bit again, then back up from June 5th - July 7th. After July 7th i'm up in the air about what to do. Dialogues and American Tourist/Facts will probably play a lot of shows and write a lot of music. I'm excited about it. This summer should be good. Things are positive, I just need to meet the level of awesomeness that my life is providing right now. I feel up to the challenge.
Summer - I'm ready. Let's fucking do this.