(no subject)
"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter--they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment, and companionship-but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering."
"Not to be sentimental, as I sound, but why the hell are we conditioned into the smooth strawberry-and-cream Mother-Goose-world, Alice-in-Wonderland fable, only to be broken on the wheel as we grow older and become aware of ourselves as individuals with a dull responsibility of life?"
"I desire the things which will destroy me in the end."
today has been spent in the pages of sylvia's journals, feeling exactly what she is talking about and wondering how things got to seem so badly. it feels like i am transfiguring my emotions. i can't tell what i'm feeling. i'm a time bomb, counting down the seconds until everything unfolds exposing their ugly faces and letting the masks fall away.
i am misunderstood.