[Chapter] Passenger Seat (4/6)
Words: 5.942 words
“i never claimed to understand you, but know this:
if you came back now, i would write
books about the color of your eyes, how it’s never really
the same from any angle
i would invent new words to describe how your smiles
pulled me out of the darkness and how i wish i could
taste the smoke on your lips one last time
even if i ran out of words, i would still have books
to fill about the way your hair always looked kind
of messy but it was perfect anyway
once you’ve loved someone, it never
really goes away and i swear i will love you
in every version of this wretched universe
in another life, you must have been my heart,
pumping blood and air through my veins,
because it has been so long and
i still cannot live without you,
cannot stay away
i say your name like a prayer and it’s been too long since i last went to confession;”
i beg for you to forgive me, for i have sinned // s.z
»»-------------¤-------------««
SAM WIN. (01:45 PM)
I need to catch a plane back. I will be there as soon as possible.
SAM WIN. (05:45 PM)
I got us on a plane going to Lawrence that lands at five am. Are you and Dean still in the same spot? Which hospital?
Castiel huffed as he read the message. His eyelids had been drooping for a t least a few hours now, but he wanted to be there for Dean, stay in the hospital for just a little bit longer on the off chance that he would wake up sooner than the doctors thought that he would. The information that they'd given him was coiling around in his head and it jumbled up as if that was its only purpose.
“You know your brother is a little bit of a jerk.” He shook his head. Castiel shouldn’t be talking to Dean. He was talking to somebody unconscious, somebody that probably didn't even hear him, but it was the last sense of normality he had. He couldn't help from at least trying and hoping to get perhaps a twitch of a hand or a reaction. Anything. "I texted him last morning and a day and a half later he texts back that he’ll be here. Pathetic.”
CASTIEL (05:45 pm)
Of course we are. Come drop your stuff off, you have a key. He’s in Lawrence Memorial. Ask for him downstairs, tell them you’re his brother, they’ll probably let you up.
CASTIEL (05:48 pm)
Do you need someone to pick you up from the airport?
SAM WIN. (05:55 pm)
Yeah, if you can? Jessica is coming back with me.
CASTIEL (06:02 pm)
No problem. You land at five, I’ll be there.
There were doctors walking up and down the hallways and there was always some noise there. It made everything feel a little less creepy, made the silence a little less dreadful. Every once in a while, they'd come in and check up on Dean. When the nurses came in, they talked to him a little, explained some stuff in more human terms than the doctors could. Even though he was sure that they'd seen weirder stuff, Castiel would always shut up when they came by. The nurses or doctors had no reason to have to listen to his tirades.
It wasn’t like they were that personal to him. He was just ashamed. Cas was pretty much talking to no one with how Dean had lost consciousness. He was talking to someone who had absolutely no chance of talking back. It was weird. He was weird. But it was therapeutic, offered him even the slightest bit of comfort when he’d rather be everywhere but next to Dean. Dean, who wasn’t moving in the immediate future.
He hated it, seeing him like this, with a tube to supply his air and a machine to keep all of his bodily functions stable. Dean was doing good on his own so far. The doctors had faith in the fact that he wouldn’t be suffering the effects of the coma for long, that he’d soon regain consciousness, as long as he believed. The word felt too heavy. He couldn't believe. Not in this.
He found himself in the chapel an hour later. He was tired and hungry, but he didn’t feel like going down for coffee or food. His stomach was still in nods, even if the coffee that Charlie had brought him had settled it. She and her girlfriend had left a while ago after checking up on Dean, but had promised they'd help out whenever they could. She would call the rest of Dean's friends to let them know what was going on. She'd give them his number just in case they'd need it. Castiel was grateful for them both, but he needed to be alone for a little bit.
Castiel couldn’t be in the room anymore; each time he looked at Dean it felt like they stabbed a knife in his heart. On top of that, he kept running the same thing in his head. He should have corrected the doctor when he assumed that he was Dean’s boyfriend. He wasn’t. All he was, was someone that helped keep the house clean and pay the bills, stitch him up if he had a rough night hunting. He was nothing but an empty entity in Dean's life and he had no right to claim that title. He mainly kept it running in his head because the term felt right as well. He felt relieved having it, felt warmth spread through him.
Castiel had wandered into the chapel without really thinking about it. His feet brought him there when he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking. Originally, his plan had been to wander down to the ground floor, where there was a little garden. It was good to clear his head he guessed and that was what he needed. Perhaps a bit more than he'd like to agree to. But his feet had brought him here instead. The cushion felt cold, as if even though there had to be a lot of desperation on the ward and even though there must be a lot of people that needed the prayer, there weren't a lot of people that came around to pray. It felt weird, being in a place of God again. He’d abandoned his faith for so long that it felt foreign, almost made him guilty. His faith had always wavered, had always gone up and down.
“It might help,” a woman whispered from the back row. It startled Castiel. He had thought that the little chapel was empty, his eyes had passed straight over the woman. “Even if you’re not that religious or not religious at all.”
“I know.” He sat down close enough to whisper back, but far enough to keep each other’s privacy. “I just haven’t prayed in such a long time.”
“He’s forgiving.” The woman smiled at him. “You don’t have to pray for Him to support you or recognize you, He knows without you telling him.” She reached out to put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Trust me." She had a small smile on his lips, as if she knew.
“It just feels weird.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why I even came here.”
“Though times can bring you back. At least, I assume you’re not in the hospital because you want to, especially not on this floor.” She shook her head. “It usually doesn’t completely disappear, your Faith. Maybe that’s why.”
“Yeah, not exactly.”
“Even if you don’t know what to ask for or what to pray for, mention them. Whoever it is and if they mean a lot to you. If you’re sticking with them, they must mean something to you. He’ll know.”
“Yeah, he does.” If Dean didn’t, he wouldn’t have stuck around him through all that time. Or well, stuck around. It was more like they had been carriers of bad things. Almost like Dean always brought some darkness with him in the passenger seat of his baby, his Impala. “We’ve known each other for so long, I don’t know what I’d do without him.” He hadn’t meant to say it quite like that, but it was true in essence. He’d been there for him so often in the past couple of weeks that Cas didn’t know quite what he’d do without him anymore.
“You should tell him that, when he wakes up.” She shook her head, a tiny smile on her lips before standing up. “I should go, Ruby should be back from tests and I want to go say something to her before I leave.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course. I hope you’ll find an answer.” And he did too.
Castiel found himself in the car park, staring forlornly at his car. Or well, not exactly his car. He’d taken the Impala to the hospital without thinking about it. He had his own car tucked away in the garage, but the Impala had been closest for him. It was the one that he could get away with faster. The nurses had eventually managed to coax him away from Dean’s room. It was late, visiting hours were over - even though he wondered if they really applied to Dean at the moment - and he needed to get some food into him. At least, according to them.
'We'll take good care of him sweetheart. Now you go take care of yourself okay? Let him come back to a healthy boyfriend instead of none'. Castiel hadn’t allowed himself to be hungry or well, allowed himself to feel the hunger. It was there in the back of his mind. He could eat when he got back home. Except for the fact that he probably had to eat something if he wanted to get home in one piece without ending up in a car accident himself. He was restless, unsure of what to do.
He ended up munching on a muffin he got in the cafeteria before driving off, careful to keep the crumbs out of the car. Dean would kill him if he went back and his baby was all smeared with crumbles of something as mundane as a cranberry muffin. The drive over He knew that even if he tried to sleep he wouldn’t be able to stop the gears in his head from turning and turning.
Eventually, he cleaned out his room once he got home, put new sheets on the bed let some fresh air in. It was cold sure, but it was welcome, pulled him out of his numbness even if it was just barely.
»»-------------¤-------------««
Castiel was back on the road to pick up Sam from the airport too soon. The morning had been spend debating whether or not to take the Impala and eventually settling on his own car. Dean would never forgive him if he let anything happen to his beloved impala. Driving it the previous day had been a mistake, had even felt like a mistake as he was doing it.
He had coffees on the passenger seat and three breakfast sandwiches. They were still warm - he’d made sure to stop somewhere closer to the airport - and tempting. He wanted to wait for Sam and Jessica though, so he didn’t dig in. Truth was, it was all ‘I’m sorry I snapped at you over text it wasn’t my place to do’ stuff. Cas felt guilty over his behavior of the previous day. The little bit of sleep that he had gotten while waiting for his phone to ring, to tell him that Dean had woken up or that he had deteriorated quite a lot over the night had helped him give some perspective.
They arrived at the car around half past five; Sam had bags under his eyes and was looking ever so worried. He really didn’t look good and well, it served him well waiting so long to even call in or ask about his brother.
“Hello Jess, Sam,” he said, stepping out to help them put their bags in the trunk. There was still some hunter stuff there, just in case. A gun, salt, iron. Before, it was all decked out in the back, like an arsenal. Now, it was buried in a single bag in the back, a reminder of the time. Their stuff fit in the back better than he’d guessed. They only brought their basics back to Lawrence with them. Jessica smiled at him from the backseat of the car, almost shyly. She hadn’t really said that much yet, as is if she was waiting for something. Castiel passed them their food without saying anything and started the car.
“How is he?”
“I don’t know. Good I guess. The doctors told me that his vitals are probably as stable as they could hope for, considering the accident and how he arrived I guess.” He shook his head, eyes back to the road. “They only called me at seven, but he was brought in at three am. He went through surgery before I even heard about it.”
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“Staying with him yesterday, texting me. I probably wouldn’t have called the hospital back.” Castiel didn’t want to ask whether that was because he didn’t call weird numbers back or if it was because he was too scared.
“Yeah. I figured. Sorry if I was a bit aggressive.” It was awkward, sitting in the car with Sam. He only build a friendship with Dean, hadn’t spoken to Sam in ages. Not since he’d left for Stanford a few years ago. “It was out of line.”
“No it’s cool. Look Cas, I get that you are angry with me for how I treated Dean and how this all panned out.” Understatement. “I know that you blame me for leaving after dad died.” Jessica was shifting awkwardly in the backseat, eyes flicking back and forth between Sam and Cas as if she was waiting for either of them to snap.
“You know that he still can’t stand to speak about your father? It’s been three years and he still won’t speak about him.” So what if he blamed Sam for leaving when things got rough. He had the right to be bitter about it. “Look, you went to Stanford and found Jessica. You found your ways to cope. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you did Sam, I'm glad you're doing well and I'm glad that you went out to get your degree. You deserved that chance. Until I found Dean, he had no one left. I know that I shouldn’t care Sam, but he was a mess.” ‘And so am I’ he thought bitterly. “He was finally doing better now and this happened. Yes I am bitter but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t out of line.”
They dropped their stuff off at the house and drove to the hospital, making Cas stay back and get a shower, eat something. Jessica had actually forced him while Sam carried their bags to his room - he’d given up his room so they could sleep there - telling him that Dean wouldn’t be alone.
“We’ll be there,” she pressed, “don’t worry about it. You get cleaned up, sleep a little.” Her eyebrows pulled together in an expression that he didn’t really get. “If anything happens, I’ll call okay?”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” She shook her head. “You know, he does feel guilty, about Dean, about what happened. He just won’t admit it.”
“Yeah.” A bitter part of him added he better be to that thought. “He should just show it to his brother. He didn’t see Dean when I found him at that bar Jessica. We patched each other up.” Patched each other up like they had done time after time before, when his mother passed, when Dean got into that fight in 2008. Patched each other up and made each other vulnerable in a way. Castiel still didn't know if it was a good thing or not.
“If I had the time now, I would tell you how I found him,” she said, a sad look in her eyes. “The way he was after his father’s passing. When we get back, we should have a chat, I think. If you’re still up or are up for it.” Castiel just nodded, before telling her to go.
The shower and cigarette did him good. He felt clean again, his head clearer now that he’d had a few cups of coffee and some toast. Part of him kept waiting for his phone to ring and Jessica to call him because Dean wasn’t doing well. He kept waiting and waiting for it, but it didn’t come.
Castiel actually slept as well, curled up on the couch now that Sam and Jess had taken his room. He couldn’t sleep in Dean’s room. It was too much like him, too familiar. Cas, he just couldn’t. So the couch it was. It may not be comfortable but he’d slept in worse places.
»-------------¤-------------««
The hospital felt just that little bit more familiar as he walked up to Dean’s room. Jessica and Sam were downstairs, needing a break from being with him and he understood. Castiel had felt quite the same the previous day, when he’d stopped at the chapel. It didn’t even seem like Dean had moved. Castiel didn’t know what he had expected. He sat down next to Dean, taking the hand that wasn’t connected to all the wires and IV. They still felt exactly the same in his. They were rough and calloused from years of handling guns and fighting. He had so many scars and this experience would only lead to more horrible scars.
“You’ll pull through, you know.” He whispered, not sure what he was afraid of or who couldn’t overhear. “I swear, if you don’t pull through I’m not showing up to the funeral. You won’t see me there I don’t care how long your ghost would beg. The house is weird without you there. You make it a little bit more alive, the rooms lived in. I realized that last night, when I tried to sleep and it was just empty.” He took a shaky breath. “No personality. The house is literally all you.
“So we’ll make a deal. I’ll read those godawful books that you’ve been begging me to read - I actually brought you one, and you come back to me, okay?” He sighed, taking the book from his bag. Castiel had gotten used to always hauling around his stuff growing up as a hunter. Even now that he didn’t really think of himself as one of them, he still carried a backpack around with some stuff in it. A traveler’s notebook - after he had completed his mother’s journal, he realized that he needed something a little bit more versatile that he could switch out the notebooks for - and a pen, some water, his wallet with ID and drivers licence, some change, tissues and now, the book. “I know you’ve already read it, but perhaps you’ll enjoy it more the second time around. Books tend to do that to people.”
He still had Dean’s hand in his as he spoke.
Castiel didn’t look up from the page that he was reading from until he heard a light cough behind him. He’d been so into the book that he hadn’t realized that Jessica had stepped in the room, all sweet smiles and innocence.
“I figured you didn’t really want Sam to hear,” she said, knowing her boyfriend well enough to know that Sam would give him shit for that when Dean woke up again. And yeah, she was right. In the months that he’d known Sam, he had proven that he could be an annoying younger brother. “It’s sweet.”
“I keep thinking that something should pull him out of it,” he shrugged. “He asked me to read these a while ago. I never got around to actually reading them.” He had to admit that the chapter or so that he'd read so far was actually good. He'd been reluctant to read them for some reason and now he couldn't say why.
“He’ll be glad you did.” She fell silent for a little bit, taking in the way that he was holding Dean’s hand in his. He tried not to sigh as he gently placed Dean’s hand back on the bed.
“I hope so. Have you both talked to the doctor yet?”
“Sam is doing that right now,” she confided. “I don’t really want to know. Sam will tell me if there is something important that I should know.” Castiel understood, he didn't want to know either, but he had no choice.
»»-------------¤-------------««
Castiel found himself in the chapel again and this time he prayed. Prayed for help for Dean, for guidance. It felt almost like coming home, as if he had missed it without really knowing it himself. He prayed that his mother was safe and reunited with his father, that Jessica and Sam could grow old together. Just in what he'd seen of them in short periods of time showed just how much emotions they put in handling each other. Castiel actually envied it, knowing that he could never have a relationship quite like the one that the two of them had build.
It was in going back to Dean’s room, where Sam and Jess still were and the doctor was going to give them extra information that he saw the redhead of the prior day again. She had just stepped out of one of the offices, nodding along to what the doctor was saying. He didn’t know what they were talking about but then again, it really wasn’t any of his business.
“Hey there,” she said when she noticed him. “We just got some good news.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said and he meant it. “Is Ruby doing better?”
“She’s around again. She had blinked a few times before but we all know that doesn’t really need to mean anything. When I came here this morning, she was up and talking. Can’t walk anymore, but that was to be expected. I don’t know if I told you, accident that hit her spinal cord.” She looked relieved. The previous day, she had looked a lot more worn, a lot more down. It was good to see her a little bit more relaxed.
“No, you didn’t. It must be a relief.”
“Yes. It is. How is your friend doing?”
“I haven’t spoken to the doctor yet, but his brother is finally here. Dean on the other hand. I don’t know. We’ve been reading.” The girl smiled at him, shook her head.
“I did the same with Ruby. First thing she told me was that they should have saved the dog." She laughed out loud. "I couldn't agree more - What’s your name by the way? It’s kind of awkward to keep referring to you as the Chapel Guy to myself.”
“Castiel," he supplied, "yours?"
“Well Castiel, I’m Anna,” she said with a smile on her lips. He couldn’t help but smile at that. He too had to admit that calling Anna that red head from the hospital had gotten old quite fast. “I should probably go now, Ruby is waiting for me, but I’ll see you around, and I’ll keep Dean in my prayers, if it should help.”
“I’ll keep Ruby in mine as well,” he nodded, “thank you, for talking to me yesterday, I think I needed it more than I care to admit.”
“Of course. See you around.”
It was with an odd sense of peace that he went back to Dean’s room. The doctor, Sam and Jessica were already waiting for him. He nodded to the doctor as he took his previous spot next to the bed. Castiel was more than thankful that they had waited for him to come back to give the update. While part of him didn't want to know what was going on, part of him needed to.
“Okay. His situation is stable at the moment, as I told you before mister Novak. Nothing has changed a lot since yesterday. He’s not responding to external stimuli as we would have expected - there is reaction but faint. Now, he went through major surgery, it is to be expected that he’ll need a few days to recover. With his brother having arrived however, there is one thing that I should ask or mention. Considering that Dean can’t speak for himself when it comes to decisions. Mr. Novak, with Mr. Winchester here he is legally the one has the choices.” He nodded at both of them.
“Of course, I understand.”
“Now, I understand that you wouldn’t want to give all choice over your boyfriend.” Cas could almost feel the eyes snap back up at him, “but I’m afraid there is nothing we can really do about that.”
“Like I said, it’s fine,” Castiel pressed, feeling his cheeks burn. He should really have corrected the doctor when he had assumed it when he arrived. “I take it that we can work something out, should we have different opinions on something. I trust Sam.” His eyes were fixed on a spot on the wall, avoiding Sam and Jessica as much as he could. “It’s no problem doctor.”
“I prefer to mention this soon, because we sometimes have some ugly situations when things do come up later.” He looked at both of them. “Look, I think that what we are seeing here with Dean at this moment is about as good as we could hope for. His breathing is even, with the tube at the moment, but all of his other vitals are stable. If he continues going on this trajectory, I think we can attempt to remove the tube and switch to what I think you would refer to as 'regular oxygen' - through a nasal cannula or C-Pap in a day or two.”
»»-------------¤-------------««
They didn’t say anything about it and it almost felt like a blessing. It felt like a blessing even though it was also a knife cutting up the air between them until there was none left. The questions would come if he didn't address it soon. Castiel knew that he would have to explain that he only said it so that he wouldn’t be separated from Dean and he would be allowed in, but that could wait. He left Sam and Jess alone for a little bit longer to get some food in the cafeteria. It wasn’t that he was hungry, not really. He just needed to be away from there for a little bit longer. Ever since his mother and things that happened afterwards, he’d gotten a little bit iffy about hospitals.
It hadn't really affected him the previous day, when he was all nerves and worries but today, it was back. That feeling of dread at the hospital walls and the smell; the beeping of the machines. He'd been here before, he'd been there with his mother. Or well, sort of been there with his mother. She had arrived at the ICU and passed away an hour later. She hadn't made it, no matter how much he wanted her to and now, he was afraid that Dean would be the same. That even though he needed and wanted Dean to pull through, he wouldn't.
It had been years since he saw his mother on that hospital bed, but the fear was still there. He still didn’t feel comfortable visiting hospitals for friends. The previous day, it hadn’t felt so bad, it had been like this. Now the shock and the numbness had passed, he felt the uneasy feeling settle in his bones and the nausea nibbling at his stomach.
Castiel hated being so weak, hated that he felt it.
Castiel went to say goodnight to Dean after Jess and Sam had already left. It wasn’t that he minded that Jess and Sam were there in the room, not at all in fact, but it just felt a little but more awkward to say goodbye to Dean.
“Hang in there, okay?” he whispered. “Just a little bit longer, just long enough until you are healed. How about that?” Castiel sighed. “Look, I’m not going to ask you for anything, but to do what feels good. What you want to do.” He took Dean’s hand in his again, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m not going to tell you to stay if you can’t. I honestly. Look, I don’t care. Do what you need to do. But if you go.” He swallowed against the lump in his throat. “If you go, at least let us say goodbye.”
»»-------------¤-------------««
Jessica pulled him aside after dinner. Sam had already gone upstairs to take a shower and get cleaned up. It had been a very long day for the both of them, Cas knew that. He had said that he felt like the hospital scent clung to his body and his clothing. Castiel knew the feeling, but knew that the attempt was feeble; he could wash and scrub for hours and it wouldn’t get out.
“Cas?” Jessica was sitting on the couch, a blanket pulled over the legs. On the television, there was something playing but the sound was muted. “How about we have that talk?” Even though he really didn’t want to talk to her, he just nodded and sat down on the couch next to her.
“Sure.”
“Are Dean and you dating?” He had expected the question. After what the doctor had said in the hospital, he had thought that Sam would ask it in the car. Maybe they’d talked about it while he was saying goodbye to Dean, or Sam knew that it was sensitive.
“No, we’re not,” he sighed, “it was just, the doctor assumed it when he saw our texts and I was scared that if he figured out that I am just a friend, that he wouldn’t allow me in. I’m lucky enough to get in as his ‘boyfriend’. Usually, only spouses are really allowed in or family.”
“The doctor didn't see the texts," Jessica supplied. She bit her lip, as if she shouldn't say it. "A social worker explained it to Sam when you were in talking to Dean after the doctor gave us the update. A year or so ago, Dean went in and changed his emergency contact information. It used to be his dad and Sam, now it's Sam and you. You were listed as a boyfriend - I think the person behind the registrar was iffy about non relatives. Judging from how you were acting, I already thought it wasn't the case." She fell silent for a little bit. "But there is more, isn’t there?” She smiled at him. “I’ve seen you say goodbye to him earlier. Is there more between the two of you?”
“No - nothing. Nothing really.”
"You want there to be.” He had to think about it. Did he? Sure, he had moments that he could envision it, that he could see it happen. Slow mornings spend curled up in bed together, mouthing at each other’s skin and nuzzling closer. Weekdays on which Dean had to nudge him out of bed to get to work - once he actually found a job again after being fired from his previous position - or he had to kick Dean out to go to the office, pulling him in by his tie to delve in for one last kiss before he left.
“Maybe. Right now, all I want is for Dean to get better and wake up.” Or to not wake up, but at least let them move on. “I don’t think I’m in a position to actually ask for things at the moment, or wants things from Dean other than recovery.” He shook his head. “Regardless of, Dean is repulsed enough by my sex life to actually put a foot near me. I’m sorry - that was too much information. You wanted to tell me about Sam?” Quite frankly, he’d had enough of talking about his love life, which was pretty inexistent.
“Yeah, I do,” she said, sighing. “Look Castiel, you’ve told us about how bad Dean was when you found him, I don’t think that you have known him when their father had passed away. He was lost, and I’m serious, he was lost. Working and working. Drinking too. I don’t know just how much he actually drank because he liked it an how much of it was because of the taste or how it made him feel. Regardless. When I met him, he was a mess.” She sighed before rubbing her face. “Cas, he was a wreck. He wasn’t coping, not in the slightest. Sam was an accident waiting to happen. At first, I wondered when the phone would ring to tell me that something like this had happened. That I’d lost my boyfriend for good.” She seemed to realize what she had said. “I’m sorry, Dean isn’t gone yet, but you know what I mean, I think. I was just waiting for it. Waiting for that call to say that he drove drunk and ended up crashing his car.”
“Yeah, I get what you mean. I think both brothers were like that. Dean didn’t sleep, not at first. He’d try to sure, but it never worked out. God, I made him look out for me while I should have paid more attention to how he was feeling. It’s selfish of me, isn’t it?” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. How did he get over it?”
“I don’t really know,” Jess confided, “I think that just, being around me and having a shoulder to cry on, to confide in helped. That’s at least what I’d like to believe. I don’t know though, I think that it was just college looking up and getting everything a little bit more cleared out.”
“I’m glad that he pulled through.” And he really did mean it. “I know that I may not always have been that open and friendly about it but I don’t know. He left, left Dean behind like that. It doesn’t quite settle well with me.”
“Don’t worry, I get it. Some days, I curse him for running too. He should have stayed there and seen if he could help dean. The two of them could have helped each other out, quite a lot. I think you know them better than I do Castiel - Sam told me how you used to hang out, helped Dean when he almost got turned into a werewolf snack - and that you should have probably seen it coming.”
“Werewolf snack is a little farfetched,” he shrugged. “It was a busted knuckle and a head gash. But yeah I know them, they’re both stubborn like their father.”
“Did you know John?”
“For a little bit.” He didn’t quite know how to summarize John Winchester. “John was, troubled. They went through a few mishaps, they grew up less than ideal. Look, I don’t want to speak badly about the deceased, but John wasn’t an A+ father. He had his problems. But I think he tried. My mother always told me so. That John tried his hardest to give his boys an upbringing that he thought would benefit them and help them become independent men. It worked. They grew up sturdy and independent, but I wished that they had a warm home, sure, but they came out about as good as it is going to get.”