22 weeks?

[youarebeautiful]

22 weeks and not one post?
wow.  that is definitely a record of some sort.

in recent news, I feel terrible about myself and pretty much alone in anything and everything I do.
i hate feeling this way, but sadly, it is the only thing I can feel right now.  I need some sort of creative outlet but i have no idea where to centralize all this emotion.

I have no musical talent, so that's a no go.
my ability to write is non-existent.
I don't have a visually artistic bone in my body...and so i feel stuck in anything I try to do.

i don't feel like anyone wants me around.
i feel like a burden.
like something that needs taken care of.

i wish i understood why it seems so easy for others to completely pass me over.
why I'm never the one who gets called or texted or invited.
why I'm the one who has to do the inviting.
i wish for one day that i could be desirable to everyone and anyone I meet.
i want people to not be able to go one day without speaking to me.

I could turn my phone off and it wouldn't even matter.
I could chuck my computer out a window, and no one would notice because I feel like, to everyone else, I'm not there in the first place.

this is so dumb, but I can't talk to anyone about it, because I feel like I'm being selfish.
but in reality, all I want is for someone to make me feel wanted.

I want to feel like I'm worth something.
because right now I feel pretty fucking worthless.

get me the fuck out of here please.
for one weekend.
that's all I ask.