i need to stop crying. please, help
i know i get myself into shit that's just too big for me and too stressful for me. i already think i have too much on my plate, but some things i just intentionally stick to because, well, it makes me happy. he does make me so happy, i cant even speak how happy, but then again, he is just so complex and confusing and vague at times that i can't take it. i know i have problems, i know that it isnt just him that's the problem. what i look for and what i need just adds to my stress, i really just want evertyhing to be perfect. i know you have a lot of stress too, and i know that how you are, i cannot change, and im sorry i try to change you. i can't say i dont do it intentioanlly,though, because i do, in the back of my mind, think of how you'd be if you just put more effort into stuff at times. you say you feel like it's not as great as it could be but you know its your fault because you know you should try harder. well, then why wouldnt you try harder? why wouldnt you change to get the better? if you knew something was wrong or bad, then why don't you change it?? this is what i'm trying to help you do, or what i was. to tell you the truth, i don't want to deal with it anymore, you getting aggravated, feeling as though im trying to run your life, perhaps itd be just better for me to stay out, mind my own business, and see you on the weekends, but i dont want to do that. i dont want to do that for my own good and your own good. i want to help you, i want to mkae you happy, and yea, you always say i do cheer up your life and i may be the best part of it, but really, how good is that. you state your life is shit and you hate everything, so how good can a good part of your life really be. i dont want to complain or stand up because i just feel as though i'd lose you if i did and i am so, so afraid of losing anyone, especially,ESPECIALLY, you. i want to be content with my life, as much as i want you to be content with yours. but as much as i wanna try and make you happy, i want you to make me happy. i try my fuckin hardest to change and stop myself so i can be happy in the end. i dont know if this is wrong, but to tell you the truth, even if it is wrong, i dont want to change that. at least, not right now, not at all. i love you tom, i really, really do and i just hope you can say the same from the bottom of your heart