(no subject)
So I'm sitting here, bored. Barry went to a beach house, to party. Which I could not go to due to work in the morning and the fact that it seemed NOBODY wanted me there so I didn't want to go anyways. And Barry wasn't willing to drive me home in the morning to take me because "he'd have to much of a hangover" but they can kiss my ass. And... Britney couldn't hang out, Selena was at a show. So I was hanging out with Ashley Wulf and my mom. My mom bought me some beer, but then they decided to go to the Witchita and leave me alone bored. So I'm here alone bored, and pissed. Really I'm just babbling because I have a few beers in my system. Bitch beers I might add. I can't drink the real stuff anymore. My stomach got weak. It seems as if everyone I'm aquainted or close with, went downhill and I didn't want to be alone so I jumped on the banwagon. Pretty smart of me I'd say. My life is really headed in a great direction. Drink, smoke, work, stay home and hang out with my boyfriend 24/7. Never see my friends. I'm havin a GRAND ol' time. Don't get me wrong I love Barry to death. But I'm also realizing how much I'm throwing away to be with him, when I don't need to throw it all away. I can have him, and my friends, and my social life, and school, etc. Not that school was his fault, all that blame can go to me. I'm starting Clackamas Middle College fall term though. So school will be taken care of. I'm not really worried about that as much as losing absolutely all sources of life other then my home life and Barry. My social life is completely dead and I miss it soooo much. But I don't know how many of you would understand but it's hard to leave your boyfriend to hang out with your friends, especially as much as me and Barry fight. But I alwayyyyys feel like I have to be with him 24/7. I don't get it. Probably because we live together, sleep together, and the only time we are apart is when I'm at work. I usually don't drink but since he's gone tonight and I had nothing to do I had my mom buy me beer. So I could get drunk and not think about things. He's my protector, nothing makes me sad when he's here. So you can understand why I am venting so much right now. I also thought I might mention, if I haven't already... that I feel like I'm in a boring marriage at the age of 16. God I sound like I'm trashing bad on Barry. I'm not. I love him. I'm INN love with him. For the first time in my life. My first love :) It's amazing. I just wish everything didn't have to come with sacrifice. Why cant I have it ALL, eh?
No more about Barry. Or anything. I miss everybody so much, people, PLEASE make plans with me, as hard as it will be for me to leave Barry home and hang out with friends, I need to do it. And I don't want this summer to be a drag, I realllllly realllllly don't. Even though I will be working 95% of Summer anywayssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. asudf.
Josh's 1 year death anniversary is on the 25th, and who has to work? I think I do , you know why... because the bitch ass boss decided she can take EVERY FUCKIN WEEKEND OFF. I don't want that day to come. Even though it's only been a year, it feels like it has been decades without him. I can't think about that right now though because alcohol plus emotions means crying, and my old depressed self. I don't want that self back. The music I'm listening to doesnt help either. I dug up my old cd's, it's bringing back memories. Good and bad. I need to be done though, I really do. I'm babbling.
No more about Barry. Or anything. I miss everybody so much, people, PLEASE make plans with me, as hard as it will be for me to leave Barry home and hang out with friends, I need to do it. And I don't want this summer to be a drag, I realllllly realllllly don't. Even though I will be working 95% of Summer anywayssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. asudf.
Josh's 1 year death anniversary is on the 25th, and who has to work? I think I do , you know why... because the bitch ass boss decided she can take EVERY FUCKIN WEEKEND OFF. I don't want that day to come. Even though it's only been a year, it feels like it has been decades without him. I can't think about that right now though because alcohol plus emotions means crying, and my old depressed self. I don't want that self back. The music I'm listening to doesnt help either. I dug up my old cd's, it's bringing back memories. Good and bad. I need to be done though, I really do. I'm babbling.