i wish i was a bird , i could fly far far away...
so...i am very unhappy...
i was with travis and his mother and his sister at casa olè , and travis also has his father and 4 brothers , all blood related and everything and they were talking bout past family vacations and outings and such and how they're going to hawaii next year and they way they talked to each other oh it made me cry cause their family doesn't have hardly a problem at all...but most of all is...he has a family...and it made me so sad cause i wish i did...my brother's very violent and has an anger problem, his grades have slipped down to failing and he is most likely is going to boot camp , my step mother is crazy. her doctor even told her she needed to see a psychiatrist, but she refuses. my dad is depressed and i think the only reason he won't leave her is because he is afraid of being alone. again. in june , it will be 2 years since i have seen my mother...i don't even know where she is , or how she's doing , or anything. and for some reason, all of this is hitting me very hard lately and i feel ever so alone...i just thought i'd update people that actually read this on how i'm feeling. today was good because me and lora talked and laughed a lot at school and it reminded me of old times , the good times. i love her so much, but my friend count is becoming less and less...and it hurts a whole lot but that's just the way it's going to be i guess. travis is wonderful. lora is wonderful. but i think to myself , the only times i'm happy is if i am with him or her or writing a poem or story or something...school is also a great escape...but my heart aches for not the love you find in a friend or boyfriend , for a family..i wonder why i am still wishing because i'm already 15 years old almost 16...not much time left to be a kid so i wonder why i bother. i used to wish to have kids but how can i be a mother when i never had one of my own? i was 3 years old when mine left. well i guess this is my vent for the day , comment if you care to.
i was with travis and his mother and his sister at casa olè , and travis also has his father and 4 brothers , all blood related and everything and they were talking bout past family vacations and outings and such and how they're going to hawaii next year and they way they talked to each other oh it made me cry cause their family doesn't have hardly a problem at all...but most of all is...he has a family...and it made me so sad cause i wish i did...my brother's very violent and has an anger problem, his grades have slipped down to failing and he is most likely is going to boot camp , my step mother is crazy. her doctor even told her she needed to see a psychiatrist, but she refuses. my dad is depressed and i think the only reason he won't leave her is because he is afraid of being alone. again. in june , it will be 2 years since i have seen my mother...i don't even know where she is , or how she's doing , or anything. and for some reason, all of this is hitting me very hard lately and i feel ever so alone...i just thought i'd update people that actually read this on how i'm feeling. today was good because me and lora talked and laughed a lot at school and it reminded me of old times , the good times. i love her so much, but my friend count is becoming less and less...and it hurts a whole lot but that's just the way it's going to be i guess. travis is wonderful. lora is wonderful. but i think to myself , the only times i'm happy is if i am with him or her or writing a poem or story or something...school is also a great escape...but my heart aches for not the love you find in a friend or boyfriend , for a family..i wonder why i am still wishing because i'm already 15 years old almost 16...not much time left to be a kid so i wonder why i bother. i used to wish to have kids but how can i be a mother when i never had one of my own? i was 3 years old when mine left. well i guess this is my vent for the day , comment if you care to.