Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
Well you want an update on my life kiddies well here it is:
The job search thing is a complete failure. I get about 80,000 emails a day from the 80,000 job sites I am registered under and about half of the jobs I would be qualified for an actually would want to do and I send my resume out...I must've applied to at least 35 jobs since I started my search 4 months ago and after that direct marketing fiasco it has been a dead-end ever since. I come into best buy and I'm more bitter...I've received a couple complaints from customers about how I've been rude to them by being too aggressive with their items or talking on the phone or not saying buy and to those customers I say GET OVER IT. I know it's the rich upitee people with their cushy jobs and inherited trust funds and I am suppose to bend over backwards so they have a great experience while I ring them out for 45.7 seconds?! Fuck that.
I never understood why people go out of their way to complain about cashiers...people never stop to think "hey maybe this person is having a really really bad day or life and can't seem to fake a smile" no...they just assume the person is bad. I hate my job with every fiber of my being...I hate being a cashier...I hate having a degree...I didn't go to school to learn how to say "you want magazines with that" and it ruins my life every god damn day when I check my email or my answering machine and no people have called me back about a job. And no one understands that my self-esteem is at about a zero right now. Being stuck at this job with nowhere to go. This is my life we're talking about here...I don't understand why no one has given me a chance...what's the harm in that? Sure I'm not the student who got all the academic awards (well I made dean's list once) or did all the internships but I know I'd be a great associate a great copywriter because you don't get talent and creativity from being in school.
I knew it was going to be rough but it didn't know how rough. Oh yeah and the penis department is totally ruining my life...nothing seems to be going right. I can say at least I have my health but heaven forbid I say that and then my health goes. It did take forever for a regular retail job to give me a chance so why would I expect to get my career on track any quicker.
Nothing in my life is certain anymore...I'm not comfortable in my own skin...if I stay home on my day off I go crazy literally...I hate just being by myself because then I think of bad stuff then it upsets me. Well I guess I have no one to blame but myself right? All these relationship make up...break ups...and fuck ups that occur are 97% my fault and that makes it worse...I would feel a lot better if I can say 'oh well at least I'm not slowly ruining my life...someone else is doing it for me.' But no it's pretty much me. I hurt people. I don't even mean to and when I think I finally have everything figured out and my feelings in order...I do a complete 180 and feel the opposite and it's been that way for almost 2 years now.
Doing the right thing...DOESN'T WORK...even doing what's best DOESN'T WORK...and doing what easiest sure as hell doesn't work...so basically I feel like I've been spinning around in a circle when it comes to the penises and when it comes to my career it feels like I am just stuck...trapped in some box...with no where to go. And I'm tired of feeling like shit every single day...I forgot what it was like to actually enjoy the day. I swear to you...not to sound all alcoholic but I always feel great in a bar...it's theraputic...I don't even have to drink that much just sitting down with someone...listening to the music...chatting...it always makes me happy.
It seems like everyone else around me is so together...and I'm...not.
The job search thing is a complete failure. I get about 80,000 emails a day from the 80,000 job sites I am registered under and about half of the jobs I would be qualified for an actually would want to do and I send my resume out...I must've applied to at least 35 jobs since I started my search 4 months ago and after that direct marketing fiasco it has been a dead-end ever since. I come into best buy and I'm more bitter...I've received a couple complaints from customers about how I've been rude to them by being too aggressive with their items or talking on the phone or not saying buy and to those customers I say GET OVER IT. I know it's the rich upitee people with their cushy jobs and inherited trust funds and I am suppose to bend over backwards so they have a great experience while I ring them out for 45.7 seconds?! Fuck that.
I never understood why people go out of their way to complain about cashiers...people never stop to think "hey maybe this person is having a really really bad day or life and can't seem to fake a smile" no...they just assume the person is bad. I hate my job with every fiber of my being...I hate being a cashier...I hate having a degree...I didn't go to school to learn how to say "you want magazines with that" and it ruins my life every god damn day when I check my email or my answering machine and no people have called me back about a job. And no one understands that my self-esteem is at about a zero right now. Being stuck at this job with nowhere to go. This is my life we're talking about here...I don't understand why no one has given me a chance...what's the harm in that? Sure I'm not the student who got all the academic awards (well I made dean's list once) or did all the internships but I know I'd be a great associate a great copywriter because you don't get talent and creativity from being in school.
I knew it was going to be rough but it didn't know how rough. Oh yeah and the penis department is totally ruining my life...nothing seems to be going right. I can say at least I have my health but heaven forbid I say that and then my health goes. It did take forever for a regular retail job to give me a chance so why would I expect to get my career on track any quicker.
Nothing in my life is certain anymore...I'm not comfortable in my own skin...if I stay home on my day off I go crazy literally...I hate just being by myself because then I think of bad stuff then it upsets me. Well I guess I have no one to blame but myself right? All these relationship make up...break ups...and fuck ups that occur are 97% my fault and that makes it worse...I would feel a lot better if I can say 'oh well at least I'm not slowly ruining my life...someone else is doing it for me.' But no it's pretty much me. I hurt people. I don't even mean to and when I think I finally have everything figured out and my feelings in order...I do a complete 180 and feel the opposite and it's been that way for almost 2 years now.
Doing the right thing...DOESN'T WORK...even doing what's best DOESN'T WORK...and doing what easiest sure as hell doesn't work...so basically I feel like I've been spinning around in a circle when it comes to the penises and when it comes to my career it feels like I am just stuck...trapped in some box...with no where to go. And I'm tired of feeling like shit every single day...I forgot what it was like to actually enjoy the day. I swear to you...not to sound all alcoholic but I always feel great in a bar...it's theraputic...I don't even have to drink that much just sitting down with someone...listening to the music...chatting...it always makes me happy.
It seems like everyone else around me is so together...and I'm...not.