(no subject)

[you_hold_thekey]

Wow. I just finished reading everyone's updates. Why is everyone so freakin' depressed? It makes me feel worse. "I feel like I have no friends" is all I'm reading from everyone. Well I'm sorry I haven't been here. I really am. But I've been so fucking miserable the past few days that I can't even tell you. I've puked half a dozen times, I barely eat, and I still have a hard time concentrating. The only thing I've eaten for three days is Wonton Soup or Chicken Broth. And thats not even real food. There's nothing to chew when it comes to that. My head spins, I sleep most of the day and I am constantly under a fan because I'm starting to run a fever. So there's my share of misery. I can eat dairy, starting today, so I had a little bit of chocolate ice cream. Mom bought a huge gallon bucket of it. I'm beginning to eat the Wontons in the soup also, so by tomorrow or even the next day I can eat some Macaroni and Cheese. It's just really hard... I'm just so sick of this. I can't even tell you how I feel. I feel like I'm starving sometimes, I have to pee all of the time because all I do is drink water and soup, and the idea that anything below my neck might actually hurt on my body seemed foreign until the other day when I started to get cramps. I went with Mom to Wal-Mart today and I'm hurting now. I'm not really supposed to do to much. I feel like a freakin' baby. And I look like crap. I've got huge dark shadows under my eyes, the rosy complexion I used to have is gone, and the dimples are a rarely seen sight. I'm losing weight too, and for once I'm not happy about it. I know I'm going to eventually gain it back, even though I really don't want to. My house seems like it's falling apart. Mom and Dad are making dinner all the time, like they aren't supposed to. We, the kids, are supposed to make dinner the whole summer. My brother has been working his little hiney off while my sister has been bitching left and right about every little thing that is asked of her. She made dinner tonight though (Fajitas, which I am so sorry I freakin' missed it). She bitched the other day because Mom was going to make Chicken Alfredo because she thought I could eat it and I asked her to wait a couple of days to make it. Mom agreed though, because she didn't want to go to the store to get the stuff. Melissa was pissed at me because I 'stole her dinner'. So I'm a bitch. What else is new?

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go up to Gator Paintball Saturday to go see Rich play for a little while. Dad's going because he's interested, and Brandon, who wants to play, is just going to watch. I can't stay out for long though. I can get really sunburned with the medication I'm on, and more pain is not something I need.

Well... I'm sorry I haven't updated, I'm sorry everyone thinks that none of their friends care or like them anymore or are ignoring them, I'm sorry that no one is happy...

I'm totally blank right now. Numb. I don't feel like anything. Except I have to pee.