"there's a war inside of me"

[you_are_neat]

i don't know what to say anymore. too many thoughts.
i'm lonely. it sucks so badly.
i want to be happy. Jesus is getting me there.
slowly but surely.
what is there to do anymore?
why is there so much stuff to worry about?
i want to be young and carefree.
i want to smile and hug more.
there's times where i sit and think how much i really do love my family.
even though they drive me insane sometimes...i love them.
i miss papaw so much it hurts. i want to see him and hug him.
my world is crazy these days.
what exactly will i do when i grow up?
i wish i could still write poetry. i want to pick it back up. i miss it.
i'm ready to be back in dudley 325. my room at home is so lifeless.
i pray for my friends. i hope God hears me.
why do things have to get all complicated? i like simplicity.
i wish my thoughts didn't run away with themselves sometimes. it'd be helpful.
i just want to run through a field of flowers.
then find a place to lay down and sleep.
enjoy sunshine.
enjoy life.
that'd be nice.
i want to hug my mom and dad and tell them how much i love them.
they're asleep though.
i think i want to start exercising more.
i would be happier i suppose.
i also wish the cafeteria had healthier food.
i'm gonna be stuck eating salad all the time.
i'm tired of eating greasy crap all the time.
it's not good for me.
i want to be healthy.
i want to sleep but my thoughts are overflowing.
i saw jerad, ryan, and donnie tonight. it was neat. i miss those kids.
i'm going to the vineyard in the morning.
speak to me through Your Word, God.
give me a willing heart.
everything stops now.
it's all so sad really...