An introduction, and the first 11 years of my life
I decided to create this live journal, because i was so jealous of all the ultra cool people who make live journals and express there emotions for the world to read and care about. So i too will now let my voie be heard about my own personal feelings that im sure nobody else on the entire planet has. I also plan to take this very seriously.
Today ashley, my co-star of out future sitcom, seemed a bit displeased with my recent shenanigans. So i decided to open my heart, and tell her about what my life was like growing up. It goes as follows:
Maddie1690: if i made love to you would you forgive my cruelty?
yourlittlestars: no
Maddie1690: or what if i took you to an art museum?
yourlittlestars: haha no
Maddie1690: or what if i shoved fish down my pants?
Maddie1690: live fish?
yourlittlestars: if you buy me fish...i'd forgive you
Maddie1690: i would, but my family is poor and i dont have much money
yourlittlestars: bullshit
Maddie1690: we only had enough money to buy one pair of 5 dollar shoes a year. in the summer they would erode so i would use them as sandals. i had to go out in the woods and catch dinner with a butterfly net
yourlittlestars: bullshit again
Maddie1690: to make money, i went to the beach and collected shells, and sold them as necklaces. for a pet we had a pet worm, but couldnt afford the dirt it needed to live
yourlittlestars: hmm
Maddie1690: also for money, i went out in the woods and cut down trees to make barrels to sell to comoners. i never sold one, so i was beaten with a bar of steel
yourlittlestars: good
Maddie1690: that was in the late 80's. years later, i came up with the idea to have people pay me to jump off of palm trees. until my right leg landed on a metallic spike, so that was the end of the jumping off of trees days for me. so i tried my luck hustling seniors at the gin rumy table. until one caught me cheating, and his vietnames nephew shot me with a bow and arrow. but luckily the arrow flew through the hole in my leg, created earlier by the metallic spike
Maddie1690: so i tried my game in acting
Maddie1690: i was cast as an extra in the latest tony danza film
yourlittlestars: yeah right.
Maddie1690: but i was then fired because i called tony obtuse. he had me taken out back and shot, but thats when i made my miraculous escape
yourlittlestars: lol
Maddie1690: using two toothpicks, a bouncy ball and a box or orios, i sent an emergency flier in the air, and the late alec guiness came to my rescue. only to be kidnapped later by michael keaton. he told me he seriously was batman, and when i bawked back at him, he dressed in the suit he stole from warner brothers and chased me around portugal trying to hunt me down
Maddie1690: but luckily i found a young russian female who had a similar nose as i did, so i dressed her up and used her as a decoy. michael keaton still has her locked away somewhere, but at least im safe
Maddie1690: i decided enough was enough, and that it was time to get out of the movie biz. so i set sail to havana cuba, in attempt to become a drug dealer. this went just fine, until one day a man by the name of Kow Tong Yo got in an arguement with me
Maddie1690: he thought that james taylor song "country road" was about following a path in life, but i thought it made references to communism
yourlittlestars: lol
Maddie1690: so he informed the cuban government, and they decided the proper punishment was to tie me to the side of a lobster boat, and send me to the south pacific
Maddie1690: when i was there, i was discovered by a young man from ethiopia, who decided to give me a job as a romance novelist
Maddie1690: my books received mixed reviews in his homeland, but unfortunately the nepal government thought that i was making false references, so they sent a pack of ninja's out to assasin me
Maddie1690: but luckily, in previous years i had befriended a man named jose jilivachi, who had saved one of the ninja's daughters lives in years past
Maddie1690: so they let me out on one condition: i was never to photograph people with resemblance to elvis costello. this was my passion at the time, but i realized i had no choice
Maddie1690: so i decided to make a break from the cubans on october 16th, 1996. it was sad, for i had a wife and 3 kids, all of which were named fonzie
Maddie1690: so i decided to find a safe place to live while i studied for my career in developing new shapes for tortilla chips
Maddie1690: but unfortunately, the town i chose was the city of compton, one of the most dangerous cities in america
Maddie1690: i was given a part time job being the nitorious BIG's travel agent, even though he's an east side rapper not strait outa compton. i told him he should go back to cali, and that he then should stop by in las vegas
Maddie1690: my poor judgement sadly got him killed, but there was quite a bit of politics to go along with my misleading
Maddie1690: jose jilivachi needed a favor. the british government decided it would be in there best interests to kill off biggie, and he told me that if he did not cooperate fonzie two would be fed to a pack of wild wolverines
Maddie1690: i had to do what was best for my son, or so i thought... ironically, he was on going to be put to death by the government years later for forging 10 dollar bills and selling them to the purple gang in detroit
Maddie1690: he screwed up because instead of puting Lawrence H Summers as the secretary of state, he put down the signiture of harry carry
Maddie1690: in a sad twist of fate, the purple gang tied over 300 pounds of bermuda sea shells to his left food, and droped him into a 10 foot deep swimming pool in a rich industrialists pool, who resided in yemen
Maddie1690: i was so heart broken by the incident i decided to lead an assault against the gang
Maddie1690: so i found a group of 89 west virginia farmers, and hired them to assasin the gang by inserting high levels of indonesian opium into their cigars. i paid them trident gum for their services
Maddie1690: but revenge is a dangerous thing, so i had to legally change my name from gilgamesh li to the name yossarian o'brian so that i could not get captured by the french candle factory workers that had been hired to kidnap me
Maddie1690: i was named gilgamesh after the ancient warrier
Maddie1690: unfortunately, the next few years of my life get a little random and rediculous, so ill have to tell them to you another time
Today ashley, my co-star of out future sitcom, seemed a bit displeased with my recent shenanigans. So i decided to open my heart, and tell her about what my life was like growing up. It goes as follows:
Maddie1690: if i made love to you would you forgive my cruelty?
yourlittlestars: no
Maddie1690: or what if i took you to an art museum?
yourlittlestars: haha no
Maddie1690: or what if i shoved fish down my pants?
Maddie1690: live fish?
yourlittlestars: if you buy me fish...i'd forgive you
Maddie1690: i would, but my family is poor and i dont have much money
yourlittlestars: bullshit
Maddie1690: we only had enough money to buy one pair of 5 dollar shoes a year. in the summer they would erode so i would use them as sandals. i had to go out in the woods and catch dinner with a butterfly net
yourlittlestars: bullshit again
Maddie1690: to make money, i went to the beach and collected shells, and sold them as necklaces. for a pet we had a pet worm, but couldnt afford the dirt it needed to live
yourlittlestars: hmm
Maddie1690: also for money, i went out in the woods and cut down trees to make barrels to sell to comoners. i never sold one, so i was beaten with a bar of steel
yourlittlestars: good
Maddie1690: that was in the late 80's. years later, i came up with the idea to have people pay me to jump off of palm trees. until my right leg landed on a metallic spike, so that was the end of the jumping off of trees days for me. so i tried my luck hustling seniors at the gin rumy table. until one caught me cheating, and his vietnames nephew shot me with a bow and arrow. but luckily the arrow flew through the hole in my leg, created earlier by the metallic spike
Maddie1690: so i tried my game in acting
Maddie1690: i was cast as an extra in the latest tony danza film
yourlittlestars: yeah right.
Maddie1690: but i was then fired because i called tony obtuse. he had me taken out back and shot, but thats when i made my miraculous escape
yourlittlestars: lol
Maddie1690: using two toothpicks, a bouncy ball and a box or orios, i sent an emergency flier in the air, and the late alec guiness came to my rescue. only to be kidnapped later by michael keaton. he told me he seriously was batman, and when i bawked back at him, he dressed in the suit he stole from warner brothers and chased me around portugal trying to hunt me down
Maddie1690: but luckily i found a young russian female who had a similar nose as i did, so i dressed her up and used her as a decoy. michael keaton still has her locked away somewhere, but at least im safe
Maddie1690: i decided enough was enough, and that it was time to get out of the movie biz. so i set sail to havana cuba, in attempt to become a drug dealer. this went just fine, until one day a man by the name of Kow Tong Yo got in an arguement with me
Maddie1690: he thought that james taylor song "country road" was about following a path in life, but i thought it made references to communism
yourlittlestars: lol
Maddie1690: so he informed the cuban government, and they decided the proper punishment was to tie me to the side of a lobster boat, and send me to the south pacific
Maddie1690: when i was there, i was discovered by a young man from ethiopia, who decided to give me a job as a romance novelist
Maddie1690: my books received mixed reviews in his homeland, but unfortunately the nepal government thought that i was making false references, so they sent a pack of ninja's out to assasin me
Maddie1690: but luckily, in previous years i had befriended a man named jose jilivachi, who had saved one of the ninja's daughters lives in years past
Maddie1690: so they let me out on one condition: i was never to photograph people with resemblance to elvis costello. this was my passion at the time, but i realized i had no choice
Maddie1690: so i decided to make a break from the cubans on october 16th, 1996. it was sad, for i had a wife and 3 kids, all of which were named fonzie
Maddie1690: so i decided to find a safe place to live while i studied for my career in developing new shapes for tortilla chips
Maddie1690: but unfortunately, the town i chose was the city of compton, one of the most dangerous cities in america
Maddie1690: i was given a part time job being the nitorious BIG's travel agent, even though he's an east side rapper not strait outa compton. i told him he should go back to cali, and that he then should stop by in las vegas
Maddie1690: my poor judgement sadly got him killed, but there was quite a bit of politics to go along with my misleading
Maddie1690: jose jilivachi needed a favor. the british government decided it would be in there best interests to kill off biggie, and he told me that if he did not cooperate fonzie two would be fed to a pack of wild wolverines
Maddie1690: i had to do what was best for my son, or so i thought... ironically, he was on going to be put to death by the government years later for forging 10 dollar bills and selling them to the purple gang in detroit
Maddie1690: he screwed up because instead of puting Lawrence H Summers as the secretary of state, he put down the signiture of harry carry
Maddie1690: in a sad twist of fate, the purple gang tied over 300 pounds of bermuda sea shells to his left food, and droped him into a 10 foot deep swimming pool in a rich industrialists pool, who resided in yemen
Maddie1690: i was so heart broken by the incident i decided to lead an assault against the gang
Maddie1690: so i found a group of 89 west virginia farmers, and hired them to assasin the gang by inserting high levels of indonesian opium into their cigars. i paid them trident gum for their services
Maddie1690: but revenge is a dangerous thing, so i had to legally change my name from gilgamesh li to the name yossarian o'brian so that i could not get captured by the french candle factory workers that had been hired to kidnap me
Maddie1690: i was named gilgamesh after the ancient warrier
Maddie1690: unfortunately, the next few years of my life get a little random and rediculous, so ill have to tell them to you another time