Leave your ego at the door
So the past class in MMA i was submitted by Will the gargantuan wrestler who took boxing for 8 years, It was during an exercise and i took him lightly and he caught me. I was real pissed by this, and it proceeded to fuck up my whole night and i kept getting my ass kicked by everyone. It seems my instructors dont see me as anything special anymore, i dont hear the "goodjobs" like i used to, or hear any sort of compliments, or any signs of me that im improving. I debated quitting, I had a long talk with Corissa (thanks for the advice) and Justin. Justin actually called me tuesday cuz he was annoyed that i didnt show up on Tuesday. I seriously thought my hobby/addiction was coming to a halt. Justin is going through the same feelings and turmoils that i am, we both are getting frustrated that we are at a standstill when it seems the people around us are improving.
Its hard to not have an ego, when no one thinks you are anythign worth while, meanwhile im tapping the people that are supposedly the aces of the class. I have something to prove, and i like proving it everyclass by beating the better ones, by upsetting them, I make them doubt their skills, I make them lose their confidence they once had when facing me. I like being the one who keeps proving himself every match, who keeps surprising his opponents, but now it seems its all being turned around.
Being in this class is like being an animal in the jungle, for example i was the zebra, i didnt have too many offenses but i would get out of holds and had good escapes, i slowly progressed to the hyena which while wasnt the best i could get positions, and my escapes were getting really crisp. Now i am in-between being the Lion, and the Hyena, I am slowly rising to the top area of our class and now i always have to prove something, when people call me out, when i call others out, when the new guys come in trying to take my head off, i always have to be on my A-game, even when injuries, or sores come along, Its soo much pressure, i feel it all melting away, and im slowly going downhill. I feel like whenever this fuckin tournament gets scheduled will be my true do or die day, the first tournament was to uphold respect towards my school, this tournament is for every shmuck that doubts me, and as well as for everyone that believes in me, for all those that see my sacrifices, for all those that havent seen any change, you can all witness who i am becoming.
I feel like these next weeks are my do or die for classes, and for the sport i love and have a passion for. Maybe im not as skilled as i thought, maybe i dont have the heart, but these next classes im gonna find all this out.
heres a song thats in my head when i think of all this.
Schism
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesnt mean I dont desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.
The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.
There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
Ive done the the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers
Between supposed lovers.
And I know the pieces fit.
Its hard to not have an ego, when no one thinks you are anythign worth while, meanwhile im tapping the people that are supposedly the aces of the class. I have something to prove, and i like proving it everyclass by beating the better ones, by upsetting them, I make them doubt their skills, I make them lose their confidence they once had when facing me. I like being the one who keeps proving himself every match, who keeps surprising his opponents, but now it seems its all being turned around.
Being in this class is like being an animal in the jungle, for example i was the zebra, i didnt have too many offenses but i would get out of holds and had good escapes, i slowly progressed to the hyena which while wasnt the best i could get positions, and my escapes were getting really crisp. Now i am in-between being the Lion, and the Hyena, I am slowly rising to the top area of our class and now i always have to prove something, when people call me out, when i call others out, when the new guys come in trying to take my head off, i always have to be on my A-game, even when injuries, or sores come along, Its soo much pressure, i feel it all melting away, and im slowly going downhill. I feel like whenever this fuckin tournament gets scheduled will be my true do or die day, the first tournament was to uphold respect towards my school, this tournament is for every shmuck that doubts me, and as well as for everyone that believes in me, for all those that see my sacrifices, for all those that havent seen any change, you can all witness who i am becoming.
I feel like these next weeks are my do or die for classes, and for the sport i love and have a passion for. Maybe im not as skilled as i thought, maybe i dont have the heart, but these next classes im gonna find all this out.
heres a song thats in my head when i think of all this.
Schism
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesnt mean I dont desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.
The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.
There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
Ive done the the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers
Between supposed lovers.
And I know the pieces fit.