On gluttony
I'm afraid I recently had a massive, yet calculated, loss of self-control. Alas, my tragic flaw doesn't have the slightest flavor of pathos. It's only pathetic.
I went to the grocery store for the express purpose of buying an obscene amount of sugar candy. I went despite knowing that I should never buy candy, because if ever I buy candy I will eat the candy. All of the candy. And I did in fact buy an obscene amount of sugar candy and I did in fact eat all of the candy, to the tune of one 16 oz bag per day for the next week. Now by any rational scheme of things, this massively gluttonous consumption of sweets should have resulted in my becoming violently ill, or at least suffering a tummy ache. But I suffered no such evils. I am convinced that my body is saving up all my transgressions to that it can strike me down in a furious apocalypse at some future date.
And to demonstrate how well I learned my lesson, I've spent the last four days consuming two boxes of cookies in their entirety. By myself.
I went to the grocery store for the express purpose of buying an obscene amount of sugar candy. I went despite knowing that I should never buy candy, because if ever I buy candy I will eat the candy. All of the candy. And I did in fact buy an obscene amount of sugar candy and I did in fact eat all of the candy, to the tune of one 16 oz bag per day for the next week. Now by any rational scheme of things, this massively gluttonous consumption of sweets should have resulted in my becoming violently ill, or at least suffering a tummy ache. But I suffered no such evils. I am convinced that my body is saving up all my transgressions to that it can strike me down in a furious apocalypse at some future date.
And to demonstrate how well I learned my lesson, I've spent the last four days consuming two boxes of cookies in their entirety. By myself.