On Da Bao's last and moving on...
Yes, I'm into naming my electronics and occasionally shouting at their inanimate being.
So I named my dear ol' laptop Da Bao as in 大宝 translated as "Big Treasure"
ever since I bought my netbook which is appropriately named Xiao Bao or Little Treasure. (Yes, it was in terms of size.)
And this is most likely the last entry I'll write via Da Bao because I have a feeling that it is going to crush in a few moments.
(Because it's been making sounds, spewing metallic dust and the DVD reader has been crushing the system every time I pop in a DVD.)
It actually did an hour ago, right after I backed up all my files onto my portable hard drive. Phew.
Da Bao has served me well in this age where new technology has created to wear off in less than 2.5 years.
He (Let's give my laptop that bit of ego) has lasted me 5 good years.
In fact if I were to count its age, I believe it is 5 years, 2 months and 3 days now.
I bought Da Bao from Carrefour the day before I flew over to Canada on a special promotion.
I think it cost just over 1K SGD which makes it about 650 CAD with all taxes included and a free RAM upgrade.
Not a bad deal at all, seeing how it has lasted me 5 years in university with endless hours of writing, researching, not forgetting photography and video editing.
It has always been there and now that I'm done with this phase of my life.
I think it's been just hanging on until I'm willing to let go
(I am still dealing with it. If not, I wouldn't have "revived" it to write this entry. And also to delete all my passwords.)
I guess I'll have to deal with it. Letting go.
That is something that I think that I'm not genetically built to do well with.
If you come check out my place back home, you might consider my family borderline hoarders.
While I was home for the last 2 months, I attempted to toss out stuff from our study.
The operation went well. There're still things that we are waiting for people to come pick up as donations but it has gone well.
There's of course, always more to do.
One of the reasons to finally clean up my study before I get back was because I thought I would be coming back to Toronto to get a job and probably live here for a while.
But seems like things aren't going as planned and I have decided to pack up and go before my money and patience run out.
And I think it was because I have spent so much time convincing myself and other friends in Singapore that I want to be back in Canada that now after making the decision to go home, I have to face some difficult conversations.
See, I believe few people knew what I thought about coming to Canada before coming here.
I have presented myself as overly enthusiastic but forgot to tell everyone that what I really want to do is get done with university and come home. I have also failed to remind myself and others of this plan throughout these years.
Worse was when I decided to go onto obtaining an MA, I think I have put through an idea that I really really want to stay here.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against staying in Toronto. I quite like it here.
I just prefer it home. I really really do.
One of the questions that I keep getting (and from people whom I assumed, knew my answer and have therefore least expected) was
"Are you going to be happy in Singapore?"
or the occasional "Are you sure? I think that you're going to be very unhappy. Why don't you want to stay in Toronto?"
The day I first got news about not getting my permit in time before my money runs out,
I had immediately thought that yes, finally, I have an excuse to apply for the JET programme.
And I wasn't even sure if I liked that idea until that evening, I got to talk to someone who have had experience teaching overseas.
He was more excited about the idea that I was.
There was even talk about how I was going to get through the interview round even before I download a copy of the application form.
But I had sat on the idea for the past days and thinking to myself, why am I not as excited as he is?
And Da Bao just gave me an answer.
I don't know when to let go.
This has been a wonderful time and it is coming to an end. Yet I can't convince myself to move on even though seconds, minutes, hours then days will continue to pass and things will end by nature's course whether I like it or not, or whether I want to deal with it or now.
(Even towards its end, Da Bao is giving me life lessons about moving on, just like how he had taught me about friendship and loyalty.)
Funny thing is that I rather spend all that time convincing myself that yes, it would all be better when I get an average job in Toronto, earn some big bucks and I'll become happy.
As opposed to getting myself ready to pass that interview, then do what I enjoy doing while living in a city that I have always wanted to live in and be happy earning a rather generous salary.
Get the joke here?
So the point is, I don't need to be convinced of the idea that I should stay in Toronto/go home.
Instead, I need to be convinced of the idea of moving on.
Or in my mom's words, it's time to get used to the idea of time and change, then grow up.
For friends and family who needs the same amount of convincing as do I with my decision about going home then JET, let's go with this answer:
My time in Toronto is up. Maybe for now. I don't oppose to the idea of investing in some real estate here. In the future. When I have the money.
But for now, I'm done with being a student and I'm done with going to school.
Iit was great here. I have made friends that I would keep for life and I am happy.
There's other places in the world that I want to go see and live in. I'm starting with Japan. Then London in 2012 and Brazil in 2014.
Let's just work hard on moving on. Better things will come.
Ya, that's what I'm going with.
So I named my dear ol' laptop Da Bao as in 大宝 translated as "Big Treasure"
ever since I bought my netbook which is appropriately named Xiao Bao or Little Treasure. (Yes, it was in terms of size.)
And this is most likely the last entry I'll write via Da Bao because I have a feeling that it is going to crush in a few moments.
(Because it's been making sounds, spewing metallic dust and the DVD reader has been crushing the system every time I pop in a DVD.)
It actually did an hour ago, right after I backed up all my files onto my portable hard drive. Phew.
Da Bao has served me well in this age where new technology has created to wear off in less than 2.5 years.
He (Let's give my laptop that bit of ego) has lasted me 5 good years.
In fact if I were to count its age, I believe it is 5 years, 2 months and 3 days now.
I bought Da Bao from Carrefour the day before I flew over to Canada on a special promotion.
I think it cost just over 1K SGD which makes it about 650 CAD with all taxes included and a free RAM upgrade.
Not a bad deal at all, seeing how it has lasted me 5 years in university with endless hours of writing, researching, not forgetting photography and video editing.
It has always been there and now that I'm done with this phase of my life.
I think it's been just hanging on until I'm willing to let go
(I am still dealing with it. If not, I wouldn't have "revived" it to write this entry. And also to delete all my passwords.)
I guess I'll have to deal with it. Letting go.
That is something that I think that I'm not genetically built to do well with.
If you come check out my place back home, you might consider my family borderline hoarders.
While I was home for the last 2 months, I attempted to toss out stuff from our study.
The operation went well. There're still things that we are waiting for people to come pick up as donations but it has gone well.
There's of course, always more to do.
One of the reasons to finally clean up my study before I get back was because I thought I would be coming back to Toronto to get a job and probably live here for a while.
But seems like things aren't going as planned and I have decided to pack up and go before my money and patience run out.
And I think it was because I have spent so much time convincing myself and other friends in Singapore that I want to be back in Canada that now after making the decision to go home, I have to face some difficult conversations.
See, I believe few people knew what I thought about coming to Canada before coming here.
I have presented myself as overly enthusiastic but forgot to tell everyone that what I really want to do is get done with university and come home. I have also failed to remind myself and others of this plan throughout these years.
Worse was when I decided to go onto obtaining an MA, I think I have put through an idea that I really really want to stay here.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against staying in Toronto. I quite like it here.
I just prefer it home. I really really do.
One of the questions that I keep getting (and from people whom I assumed, knew my answer and have therefore least expected) was
"Are you going to be happy in Singapore?"
or the occasional "Are you sure? I think that you're going to be very unhappy. Why don't you want to stay in Toronto?"
The day I first got news about not getting my permit in time before my money runs out,
I had immediately thought that yes, finally, I have an excuse to apply for the JET programme.
And I wasn't even sure if I liked that idea until that evening, I got to talk to someone who have had experience teaching overseas.
He was more excited about the idea that I was.
There was even talk about how I was going to get through the interview round even before I download a copy of the application form.
But I had sat on the idea for the past days and thinking to myself, why am I not as excited as he is?
And Da Bao just gave me an answer.
I don't know when to let go.
This has been a wonderful time and it is coming to an end. Yet I can't convince myself to move on even though seconds, minutes, hours then days will continue to pass and things will end by nature's course whether I like it or not, or whether I want to deal with it or now.
(Even towards its end, Da Bao is giving me life lessons about moving on, just like how he had taught me about friendship and loyalty.)
Funny thing is that I rather spend all that time convincing myself that yes, it would all be better when I get an average job in Toronto, earn some big bucks and I'll become happy.
As opposed to getting myself ready to pass that interview, then do what I enjoy doing while living in a city that I have always wanted to live in and be happy earning a rather generous salary.
Get the joke here?
So the point is, I don't need to be convinced of the idea that I should stay in Toronto/go home.
Instead, I need to be convinced of the idea of moving on.
Or in my mom's words, it's time to get used to the idea of time and change, then grow up.
For friends and family who needs the same amount of convincing as do I with my decision about going home then JET, let's go with this answer:
My time in Toronto is up. Maybe for now. I don't oppose to the idea of investing in some real estate here. In the future. When I have the money.
But for now, I'm done with being a student and I'm done with going to school.
Iit was great here. I have made friends that I would keep for life and I am happy.
There's other places in the world that I want to go see and live in. I'm starting with Japan. Then London in 2012 and Brazil in 2014.
Let's just work hard on moving on. Better things will come.
Ya, that's what I'm going with.