Happy New Year to You & Me
while i stood by the pot several days ago
waiting for the water to boil for my last cuppa milo,
i thought to myself,
i am feeling a strange of serenity.
i had just woke up from a dream.
in it, i was dating someone
who looked like jonathon rhys meyers
but I assume he is of mixed blood
as he was conversing with me in cantonese.
(i am thinking perhaps he is much like anthony wong. heehee)
i was explaining to this lad that
i can date him but i doubt i can marry him.
i was not prepared to face a lifetime of scruntiny
by my aunts, my cousins and most importantly,
my grandmother.
he was determined to change that impression.
in the next scene, this lad's face was blur
like the many times
when i dreamt of this man that i think i am going to marry.
(yes, i believe in my subconscious mind more than anything)
he had apparently won over my grandmother
and was going through physiotherapy with her.
the nurses liked him, the other elders adore him
and the doctor had nothing but praises of him.
then my grandmother came up and said to me
"you are lucky. he is a nice boy."
fast forward to present,
it's a few more hours to the new year (in toronto)
and i am staying home
away from the cold and the sweaty crowd at nathan philips
to edit a video that may make or break nicki's and my future.
the past year has been full of ups and downs.
it sucked quite a bit but the last few months were good.
and this may be a cliche but i feel as if i have grown into a different person.
a good difference, nonetheless.
last year, i was in a pretty bad shape towards NYE.
depressed, tired and rather oblivious of it.
i was serving a self-fulfilling prophecy
that somehow to be a better person, i should suffer.
and the bigger self-pitying prophecy was that
the world would crash without me.
i had responsibilities that i put onto myself.
i was just not happy.
it took a few months to get over it
then it struck me that perhaps a meatless fast would help.
i feel now that i'm at least feeling better physically.
(the last week that i've been taking in meat, i find myself lethargic.
not to mention, the last couple of gastric upsets were meat-related.)
now i have to work on the mental part.
and this seems to be a never-ending project.
last year, i was unsure of what i am going to do with myself.
and this year, i i know but there are obstacles in my way.
hopefully same time next year, everything would have been sorted out
and i am one step closer to becoming what i want to be.
so what has it got to do with the dream, you ask.
well, i have been aware in these months
that i don't have someone who is and will be sharing my life
for almost as long as i live.
yes, i have family and i have friends.
but there is still no one on my speed dial.
no first call and no last call.
don't get me wrong. i am happy being single.
and being single doesn't bother me as much as not having children.
but it would be nice that i do have someone.
and best if it was this mixed blood prince (haha, not harry tho).
because he already has the stamp of approval from my grandmother -
the one other woman that i hope i can become.
this is not a resolution to get an arm ornament.
i don't really have resolutions for the coming year.
let's just go with the flow.
i've been too uptight and it hasn't done me much good.
i'm going to just float in the water this year,
or in wade's words, wade a little.
Happy New Year, hunks and babes~!
waiting for the water to boil for my last cuppa milo,
i thought to myself,
i am feeling a strange of serenity.
i had just woke up from a dream.
in it, i was dating someone
who looked like jonathon rhys meyers
but I assume he is of mixed blood
as he was conversing with me in cantonese.
(i am thinking perhaps he is much like anthony wong. heehee)
i was explaining to this lad that
i can date him but i doubt i can marry him.
i was not prepared to face a lifetime of scruntiny
by my aunts, my cousins and most importantly,
my grandmother.
he was determined to change that impression.
in the next scene, this lad's face was blur
like the many times
when i dreamt of this man that i think i am going to marry.
(yes, i believe in my subconscious mind more than anything)
he had apparently won over my grandmother
and was going through physiotherapy with her.
the nurses liked him, the other elders adore him
and the doctor had nothing but praises of him.
then my grandmother came up and said to me
"you are lucky. he is a nice boy."
fast forward to present,
it's a few more hours to the new year (in toronto)
and i am staying home
away from the cold and the sweaty crowd at nathan philips
to edit a video that may make or break nicki's and my future.
the past year has been full of ups and downs.
it sucked quite a bit but the last few months were good.
and this may be a cliche but i feel as if i have grown into a different person.
a good difference, nonetheless.
last year, i was in a pretty bad shape towards NYE.
depressed, tired and rather oblivious of it.
i was serving a self-fulfilling prophecy
that somehow to be a better person, i should suffer.
and the bigger self-pitying prophecy was that
the world would crash without me.
i had responsibilities that i put onto myself.
i was just not happy.
it took a few months to get over it
then it struck me that perhaps a meatless fast would help.
i feel now that i'm at least feeling better physically.
(the last week that i've been taking in meat, i find myself lethargic.
not to mention, the last couple of gastric upsets were meat-related.)
now i have to work on the mental part.
and this seems to be a never-ending project.
last year, i was unsure of what i am going to do with myself.
and this year, i i know but there are obstacles in my way.
hopefully same time next year, everything would have been sorted out
and i am one step closer to becoming what i want to be.
so what has it got to do with the dream, you ask.
well, i have been aware in these months
that i don't have someone who is and will be sharing my life
for almost as long as i live.
yes, i have family and i have friends.
but there is still no one on my speed dial.
no first call and no last call.
don't get me wrong. i am happy being single.
and being single doesn't bother me as much as not having children.
but it would be nice that i do have someone.
and best if it was this mixed blood prince (haha, not harry tho).
because he already has the stamp of approval from my grandmother -
the one other woman that i hope i can become.
this is not a resolution to get an arm ornament.
i don't really have resolutions for the coming year.
let's just go with the flow.
i've been too uptight and it hasn't done me much good.
i'm going to just float in the water this year,
or in wade's words, wade a little.
Happy New Year, hunks and babes~!