I Don't Deserve You
Title: I Don’t Deserve You
Author: Me
Pairing: HikaNoo
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Words Count: 4,836
Warning: Bad ending, terrible grammar, self-editing.
10:13pm
He looked at the time in the corner screen of his laptop. He stretches his body lazily after he spent hours to do his assignment. He smiled to himself that he’s finally able to finish it. He shut his laptop down and get up from his seat, but just when he stand up his stomach suddenly growling. He chuckle a bit as he just realized that he hasn’t eaten anything yet since afternoon.
He went to the kitchen to get a drink and find something eats, but just when he opens the refrigerator he find nothing because the refrigerator is empty.
“ Shit! ” He cursed as he closed the refrigerator back. “ What am I supposed to eat now? ” He sighed and closed his eyes for seconds. He turned back to the living room and gets his jacket then made his way to the convenience store near his apartment.
“ Ughhh!! Noodle again. Your face will become like noodle soon, Yaotome Hikaru. ” He whined as he exited the store after bought about 30 noodle packages.
He continued his way to his apartment as fast as possible, because his stomach is growling like hell already. As he reached his apartment building he quickly entered it, but he was surprised because suddenly someone collapse in front of him and he almost step on that person.
“ What the!! ” He looked at the back of the unknown guy that laying on the ground. He looks lifelessly. Did he die already? Hikaru question himself as he bend down and shake that guy a little, but he received nothing because that guy is not responding him, so he push that guy up and place his finger on his nose to check if he still breathing. He sighed in relief because he can feel the warm breath from the guy. Hikaru decided to bring that unknown guy to his apartment, because he will feel horrible if he left him in this situation.
Hikaru places him on his bed gently. He looked at that guy face. He looks so tired, his face is so dirty and his body also got some bruise. What happened to him?? Hikaru asked himself then he went out to get a large bowl of warm water and a towel. He went back to his room and places the bowl on the table near his bed. He sat on the bed beside that guy then put the towel into the bowl then squeezing it. He starts washing him from his face. He wipes away the dirt on his face gently then continues to his neck, hands and legs. Hikaru noticed his shirt is so messy, and some place it seems like it was tear by someone. Hikaru opens his closet then get his white shirt out then change it to him. He didn’t dare to change his pants because it’s rude to do this without his permission. Hikaru stand up after he done cleaning the guy. He stares at his long eyelash down to his point nose and his pinkish lips. Without him notice he already stared at the guy in front of him for couple minutes already.
“ Beautiful.. ” That is the only word he can utter, but then he suddenly feel himself like an idiot, so he quickly went out from his room leave that pretty guy sleeping peacefully alone.
Hikaru places the hot noodle on the table in the leaving room. He sat on the couch then eating his noodle silently. After 15 minutes he had done eating and washing it. Hikaru went to his room to check if that guy awake, but he’s still sleeping. Hikaru switch off the light then closed the door. Gladly his apartment has two rooms, so he went to sleep in the other room.
Tomorrow came. Hikaru woke up because the sunlight hit his face. He stretches his body then entered the bathroom to take a shower. Once he finished his shower, he suddenly think of the guy that he saved last night, so he quickly went to his room and open it. He thought that guy is still sleeping, but he’s wrong. He saw him sitting in the corner room holding his knees. His face is blank. Hikaru entered the room and walked to him slowly. Hikaru sit in front of him, but he completely didn’t notice Hikaru at all.
“ Ne.. ” Hikaru touched the pretty boy’s shoulder, but he quickly takes his hand off because his body suddenly is shaking hard and he tries to move away from Hikaru and buried his face into his knees. Hikaru left dumbfound because of the other action. He seems so scared.
“ Don’t scare, I’m not a bad guy. ” Hikaru’s trying to explain as he grabs the other’s hands, but he quickly push Hikaru hardly and shake his head to the left and right. Hikaru tries to calm him down, Hikaru didn’t let go of his hands instead he pulls the pretty guy into his hug.
“ Shh..don’t scare. I saw you collapse in front of my apartment last night so I brought you here. I’m not going to do something bad to you. Please calm down, calm down. ” Hikaru is trying hard to handle the guy that struggle hardly inside his hug. He pushes Hikaru away, hit him on the chest, but Hikaru seems doesn’t care. He continues to soothing him and caresses his soft curly hair trying to calm him down, but who knows he suddenly collapse again. Hikaru sighed and lift him up to the bed.
“ You must be tired ne? ” Hikaru said as he caresses the other’s cheeks. He put the blanket on his body then left the room.
In the evening, Hikaru came to check him once again. He came with a tray in his hands. He saw him sitting in the corner room again. Hikaru didn’t fail to notice that he’s startle when he entered the room. He let out a sigh then put the tray on the table.
“ I think you will be hungry already, so I bought you porridge, and I saw some bruise on your skin here is medicine please taken it after you done eating. ” Hikaru said to him. He’s not surprise that he didn’t get answer from him. “ Oh! you can take a shower there. ” He point at the bathroom. “ And you can use my clothes in the closet. ” After said that he turns around and exited the room. And the latter just stared at Hikaru’s back till him disappear from his eyes.
It’s been 3 weeks that Hikaru take care of him. Hikaru himself doesn’t know what makes him want to take care of him either. He doesn’t even know his name. He just feels that guy need more love, and need someone to take care of him. Now give him food has become his daily routine.
“ Sorry today I’m busy so I can’t bought you porridge. ” Today is just another day that he came into his room, but Hikaru was a little surprised that the latter didn’t sit in the corner room anymore. He stands up straight and places his hands on the window and look at outside. Once he heard Hikaru’s voice he slowly turns to look at the younger.
Hikaru on the other hand, looked at the guy in front of him. The sunlight shines on to the person that stands near the window make his face looks even prettier and his eyes are sparkling. Hikaru feel his heart beat faster than normal for no reason. He’s too much prettier then he first met him. His face color is back to normal not that pale but pinky so adorable. He almost forgot his real intention to come here.
“ A..anou..Do you want to come to eat noodle with me in the dining room? Sorry I have only noodle in my apartment. ” Hikaru smiled shyly as he scratch the back of his head, but he stop immediately because the other suddenly nodded his head. He’s responding me now?! Hikaru seems a little bit shock because he never expects this guy will respond him. Hikaru walked closer to him and about to grab his hand, but the other guy suddenly startled then step back one step. He lower his face try to avoiding Hikaru. Hikaru feel a little bit disappointed. He thinks the other guy maybe still not get used to it, so he just force out a small smile to him.
“ Hai! Douzo! ” Hikaru places the noodle on the dinner table before the pretty boy’s face then he went to sit on a seat where opposite to him. Hikaru looks at the pretty boy that staring at the noodle for seconds then starts eating it. Hikaru smiles upon see him like that.
“ Delicious? ” The latter lift his face up then nodded. Hikaru glad that he looks more healthy than before.
After they done eating Hikaru is washing the dish. He saw the other sat on a bench in the veranda of his room, so he holds a cup of hot chocolate and walked toward him. Hikaru hand him the cup of chocolate as he sit beside him, it makes the latter a bit startle because of Hikaru’s sudden presence, but he accept the cup from Hikaru and staring the hot chocolate on his laps.
“ You haven’t known my name right? I’m Hikaru Yaotome. ” Hikaru suddenly spoke up in the silence atmosphere. “ Are you alright now? ” Hikaru asked as he stared at the guy beside him, and the other just nodded in replied.
“ What is your name? ” He always wanted to ask this question, and finally he’s able to let out it, but soon he feels disappointed because the latter didn’t reply him. He just stays silent looking at the chocolate cup in his hand.
“ Maa..It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. ” Hikaru smiles to him as he stands up from the bench. “ I will go inside to get some drink. ” Hikaru said as he turns back want to walk away, but he was surprised because the pretty guy suddenly grabs his wrist. Hikaru turns to look at him. “ Yeah? ” He tilted his head. The other looks up to him then use his finger write his character name on Hikaru’s palm slowly.
“ Your name is Kei? ” Hikaru asked, and the other nodded.
“ You can’t speak? ” He asked once again, but this time he shake his head.
“ Maa.. Whatever. Yoroshiku Kei. ” Hikaru smile happily and bow down a little. He can’t describe how happy he is, because he’s finally able to communicate with him even though he only respond him with a nod.
“ I will go to the mart, do you want to come with me? You should go to get some fresh air. ” Hikaru suggest and he grinned widely after he earn a small nodded from him.
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Hikaru and Kei are walking slowly together in the mart. Hikaru put many vegetable juices and fruit juices in the basket. He take a look at Kei who walking silently beside him. He feels this guy looks so fragile. He seems like he will break down someday again, just thought till this Hikaru suddenly think of his fearful face when the first time he touch him. He doesn’t want him back to the last time again.
“ Do you need anything, Kei? ” He asked him while they walking randomly. Kei suddenly pointed at the food section. Such as, meat, fish, vegetable etc..
“ Eh? But I can’t cook it’s useless to buy them. ” Hikaru chuckled, but Kei point his finger on his chest.
“ Don’t tell me you can cook? ” Hikaru asked surprisingly, and Kei just nodded back to him.
I think I no need to eat noodle anymore.
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Since that day Hikaru and Kei are living together normally. Hikaru doesn’t know what happen to him but he feels a small happiness in his heart when suddenly have a person come to his life. He finds Kei is different from other people he used to know. Kei’s been silent he’s not talking, but he feels relax whenever he stay with the older. But somehow he also wants to hear his voice.
“ Oishii!! Kei I love your food the most! ” Hikaru exclaimed excitedly as he continue eating a lot of food on the table. Kei smile softly upon hearing that. He pushes a glass of water to Hikaru then rests his hand under his chin.
“ Eh why are you keep smiling? ” Hikaru feels the older is staring at him so he looks up see him smiling at him warmly. Kei shake his head a bit. Hikaru see that so he stops asking him then gives a wide grin back to Kei.
Four months have passed. Hikaru noticed Kei seems to recover a lot. He smile so often and that always make Hikaru’s heart skip a beat. He starts to show a lot of expressions. He smiles, he pout. He isn’t like a doll like the first time they met, and those expressions always make Hikaru think that he will get heart attack one day because of the older’s cuteness.
“ Ne Kei. ” Hikaru never fails to notice that the older always startled whenever their skin accidently brush against each other. In these past three months Hikaru always wants to know what happen to the older, but he just hold back his curiosity. He doesn’t want to force him. When the right time comes, he believes that Kei will tell him.
“ Let’s go somewhere. ” Hikaru said as he quickly grab Kei’s hand exit their apartment. He likes the feeling when he intertwines his fingers with Kei’s. Hikaru isn’t stupid to not realize his feeling toward the older. He admitted that he loves the older. He doesn’t care about his past, what he used to get through. He just loves the guy who stands beside him named Kei. The guy who not talking but always gives him a warm smile. The guy who always make delicious food for him. The guy who always organized his mess room. The guy who come to change his color life.
“ Here! ” Hikaru exclaimed when they reached the place where Hikaru want Kei to come with him. Kei looks at the place then frown. He turns to Hikaru then titled his head as a question to Hikaru.
“ Follow me. ” Hikaru smiled at him then leading him to the Meiji Shrine a place where a lot of people come to pray for their happiness. Hikaru walked directly to the big wishing tree that have a lot of wooden tablet hang on the tree. Hikaru leading Kei to near the wishing tree.
“ Let’s wish Kei. ” He turns to smile at Kei once again then take two pieces of wooden tablets then he gives Kei one. Kei nodded and smile at Hikaru then they bend down to writing something on the wish tablet then they hang it on hooks that provided around the tree.
‘ I wish Kei will stay with me forever. ’ That is what Hikaru wrote on the wish tablet. Hikaru hold the wish tablet then he turn to Kei and steal a glance at the wish tablet in Kei’s hand. Hikaru’s expression suddenly turn to surprise and happy at the same time. The letter on the tablet is ‘ I wish Hikaru will always be happy and smile. ’ He didn’t wish for himself but for Hikaru.
“ Let me help you hang it. ” Hikaru said to Kei then took the wish tablet hang it on the hooks. They turned to look at each other then smile.
And also Hikaru isn’t stupid to not realize that Kei also love him.
----
They went to Shibuya after they done wishing. Hikaru and Kei went to many places. There are only joys and smiles surrounding around them. It’s like they only exist in the whole town.
“ Kei I will go to restroom for a moment. Stay here ne? ” Hikaru said as he let Kei sit on a bench near the park. Kei smiles at him then nodded, so Hikaru turns his way to the restroom. He washes his hands quickly because he doesn’t want Kei to stay outside alone. After he done washing his hands he immediately went out and walked directly to the bench to see Kei, but once he reached the bench he didn’t see Kei. Hikaru’s heart suddenly beat faster. He turns to look around but he still didn’t see him even his shadow. Many people walk across him make him feel dizzy. Hikaru quickly walks to the other places to look for Kei. He can’t lose Kei. He really can’t lose Kei. After he spent almost 30 minutes searching for him he still didn’t see Kei. Hikaru feels so frustrated. He walks weakly back to the bench. But once he lifts his face up he saw Kei sit on the bench with ice-cream in his hand. Hikaru’s eyes open widen he immediately run toward Kei and hug him tight. Kei is a bit shock and drop the ice-cream on the ground without him realize.
“ Where are you going Kei?! I’m so worried. I thought I lose you already. I thought I will not be able you meet again already. ” Hikaru said as he increase his hug. Kei is recover from shocking because he feel something wet drop on his shoulder. Kei pulls Hikaru and see his face and he’s wrong. Hikaru is really crying. Kei wipe the tears away from Hikaru’s face slowly, but Hikaru didn’t stop crying. The more Kei wipe the more his tears roll down.
“ I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you Kei. ” Hikaru said as his tears continue flow down.
“ Don’t cry. ” Hikaru really did stop. He’s stunned with what he had heard. Kei is speaking now. Hikaru can’t believe his ears. 5 months and 21 days finally Kei is able to let out his voice.
“ Don’t cry Hika. ” Kei speak once again as he pulls Hika into a hug and caress his hair softly. Hikaru is still stunned. He cannot believe that finally he can hear Kei’s voice.
“ I’m not going anywhere I just went to buy ice-cream. Please don’t cry anymore. ” Kei keep saying as he trying to soothing Hikaru. Hikaru quickly pull himself back then cupped Kei’s face.
“ Finally you speak Kei. ” Hikaru said as he looks into Kei’s eyes. He’s really happy. He can’t find word to describe his feeling. What he has been waiting. He has been waiting for Kei to speak. Finally the day has come. He can’t help but cry again. He doesn’t want to look so weak in front of him but he’s too happy.
“ Stop crying Hika. It’s hurt to see you like this. Please don’t cry. I want to see you smile. ” Kei said as he wipe away those tears on Hikaru’s face. Hikaru immediately smile widely. He grabs Kei’s hands with his hands.
“ Kei I love you. ” Hikaru said then he presses his lips against Kei’s. Hikaru kiss Kei softly and slowly. He doesn’t want to rush. The kiss is a bit salt at first because of Hikaru’s tears, but soon they find it sweet. There is no passionate. There is only their pure feeling and love.
“ I love you too, Hika. ”
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It’s been 8 months that they live together. Kei hasn’t told Hikaru about his past yet. He’s scared. He’s so scared. His past is horrible. He dares not to tell Hikaru.
“ Kei. I will come home a bit late today because I need to finish some project with my classmate. ” Hikaru said then kiss Kei on the forehead then open the door.
“ Emm. I will wait for you. ” Kei gives him a soft smile and wave at him. Once Hikaru get out Kei closed the door and turn back, but suddenly the door was knock. Kei frown. Dose Hikaru forget something? He question himself as he turn to open the door again, but he was surprise because that person not Hikaru, but a beautiful lady dress sparkling. She’s so rich. Kei thought.
“ Hi. ” She greeted.
“ Hi. Who are you? ” Kei asked while still holding the door knob.
“ Aren’t you let me get inside? ” She said then pushes Kei aside then step inside with her red high heels
“ I’m Yaotome Minami. ” She turns back and looks at Kei. “ It’s obvious right? I’m Hikaru’s mother. ” She said as she wrapped her hands on her chest. Kei is a bit surprise. He never expects that he will meet Hikaru’s mother.
“ You’re really pretty eh? Prettier than in the photo that I received. ” Kei had no idea what’s going on. He doesn’t know what Hikaru’s mother trying to say, but he feel something bad is going to happen.
“ Nice to meet you Inoo Kei. ” She smirks. Kei’s eyes open wide. How come she knows his full name? He didn’t even tell Hikaru.
“ How-- ”
“ Are you going to ask me why I know your name? Find out about you is so easy. ” Kei is still stay silent.
“ I don’t want to talk too much. I’m here to tell you to go away from my son. ” Kei clench the hem of his shirt tightly.
“ Don’t think I don’t know your past, Inoo Kei. ” She said as she’s walking around Kei. “ Your father owe a lot of money from a gang, because he has no way to walk and he doesn’t want to die so he give you to them as a payment. ” She stops in front of Kei. “ Am I right? ” She asked in sarcastic tone. “ And your body, I know it’s not virgin anymore. You’re not that innocent. Your body is dirty. ” Kei feels tears fill in the corner of his eyes already.
“ I don’t know what makes Hikaru love you. Maybe your appearance, I guess. What if he know that your body was touch by so many guys? ” She keeps throwing hurt words to Kei. Kei can’t utter a single word he feels like he lost his voice already.
“ Wake up! You and Hikaru are different! You know what? Hikaru is not a normal guy. This small apartment is just a bathroom compare to our house. I told him to study at the state but yet he’s stubborn and tries to escapes from me. ”
“ 8 months is too enough for you already. This is the time for you to move away from his life. His life is perfect. If you love him please let him free. He doesn’t deserve a person like you. I hope you get what I mean. ” She said once again then step out from the room.
Kei is sitting completely on the floor after she left. He let out all of his tears. He cries out loud because the pain is too much in his chest. He thinks he’s going to die soon. He knows his life is not that easy. God is just too cruel toward him. He thought he can find his happiness already, but that happiness is not last long. Kei wipe his tears away then he force out a bitter smile.
“ It’s true. If I love him I need to let him free. I don’t deserve him. ”
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Hikaru is on the way go to his apartment. He’s skipping happily as he looks at the plastic bag in his hand.
“ Kei will love it. ” He smiles to himself. After he finished his project with his friends on the way go back he walked across Kei’s favorite cake shop. So he bought him vanilla flavor. He knows Kei will smile happily like a child. Hikaru stop daydreaming about Kei then continue walk faster.
“ Kei! ” Hikaru exclaimed excitedly as he close the door back. He walked to the table and places his bag on it.
“ Kei! ” Hikaru called once again but he didn’t get any respond.
“ Kei? ” Hikaru frown as he walking to the kitchen to see Kei, but he found nothing.
“ Kei? ” He turns to veranda but the same. He walked to the bathroom but still the same. He finds nothing but air.
Hikaru start to get panic. He quickly runs to Kei’s bedroom. Maybe Kei’s sleeping so he can’t hear me. Hikaru talks to himself as he hold door knob and open it.
Hikaru is stunned because no Kei in the room. Fear run through all over his body.
“ Kei!! Where are you?!! It’s not the right time to play hide and seek! ” He yelled to the air, but all he received is silence.
“ Where are you Kei? ” Hikaru try to calm himself down. “ No, Hikaru calm down. Maybe he went to buy something. ” Hikaru breath hardly as he decide to get outside, but before he could go he notice something on the bed. He walks closer then life it up. It was a paper. Hikaru quickly open it then he saw it was Kei’s hand-writing.
I’m sorry Hikaru. When you found this letter I may in somewhere in the corner of this world. I’m sorry that I leave you without telling you, because I know you won’t let me go if I tell you (chuckle). Hikaru I love you. You’re the first person who taking cares of me, the first person who worries about me, the first person who make me smile happily, the person who make me know what is happiness even it’s not last long. I never dare to tell you about my past. I’m sorry Hikaru, but I don’t deserve you. You’re too nice Hika. You don’t deserve someone like me. I’m dirty. You deserve someone else who better than me. I know it’s so sudden, but please Hika. Stay strong. Please don’t cry, time pass you will find the right person for you. I love you Hika. I know you will cry when you read this, but please, I don’t want to see you crying, please smile. Your smile always gives me courage to live on. Please don’t cry. Fate made us met, but yet I realize that we aren’t mean to be together. I’m sorry Hika. Please forget me. You need to find your own happiness. I will always remember you, Hika, because you’re the most precious person in my life. I love you. Please smile.
“ Why? How come I can smile when you already left me alone? ” Hikaru said as he clench the paper in his hands tightly. A tear follow by another tear drop on the paper. Every word from Kei is like a knife stab into his heart.
“ You’re so cruel Kei. ”
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The weather is not too bright it’s a warm sunny day and the wind blow softly make people feel relax. He makes his way to the place where he goes every day. He stared at the huge tree then smile. Today is just another day that he hangs the wish tablet on the hooks. It’s the 1095 wish tablets that he hangs. He smile once again and looks at those wish tablets.
“ Hey..young man you come again.” Suddenly an old man comes to stand beside him.
“ Yeah? ” He turns his head the old man.
“ I see you come here every day. I’ve noticed it long time already, but I just don’t remember how long it is. ” The old man chuckled.
“ Maybe 3 years, I guess. ” He smiles to himself as he looks to the green leaves on the tree.
“ You’re sure obsessed with wishing things eh? ” The old man asked curiously.
“ I’m not. ” He chuckled.
“ I just learn to wait. ” He said softly.
The statement that he wrote on the wish tablet is
‘ I wish Kei will stay with me forever’
“ I learn to wait, wait till destiny bring us to meet once again. ”
The End.
Here is the wishing tree of Meiji Shrine
A/N: wahh!! Finally I’m able to finish it! The longest fic I've ever written! I know you guys probably hate the ending..lol
Author: Me
Pairing: HikaNoo
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Words Count: 4,836
Warning: Bad ending, terrible grammar, self-editing.
10:13pm
He looked at the time in the corner screen of his laptop. He stretches his body lazily after he spent hours to do his assignment. He smiled to himself that he’s finally able to finish it. He shut his laptop down and get up from his seat, but just when he stand up his stomach suddenly growling. He chuckle a bit as he just realized that he hasn’t eaten anything yet since afternoon.
He went to the kitchen to get a drink and find something eats, but just when he opens the refrigerator he find nothing because the refrigerator is empty.
“ Shit! ” He cursed as he closed the refrigerator back. “ What am I supposed to eat now? ” He sighed and closed his eyes for seconds. He turned back to the living room and gets his jacket then made his way to the convenience store near his apartment.
“ Ughhh!! Noodle again. Your face will become like noodle soon, Yaotome Hikaru. ” He whined as he exited the store after bought about 30 noodle packages.
He continued his way to his apartment as fast as possible, because his stomach is growling like hell already. As he reached his apartment building he quickly entered it, but he was surprised because suddenly someone collapse in front of him and he almost step on that person.
“ What the!! ” He looked at the back of the unknown guy that laying on the ground. He looks lifelessly. Did he die already? Hikaru question himself as he bend down and shake that guy a little, but he received nothing because that guy is not responding him, so he push that guy up and place his finger on his nose to check if he still breathing. He sighed in relief because he can feel the warm breath from the guy. Hikaru decided to bring that unknown guy to his apartment, because he will feel horrible if he left him in this situation.
Hikaru places him on his bed gently. He looked at that guy face. He looks so tired, his face is so dirty and his body also got some bruise. What happened to him?? Hikaru asked himself then he went out to get a large bowl of warm water and a towel. He went back to his room and places the bowl on the table near his bed. He sat on the bed beside that guy then put the towel into the bowl then squeezing it. He starts washing him from his face. He wipes away the dirt on his face gently then continues to his neck, hands and legs. Hikaru noticed his shirt is so messy, and some place it seems like it was tear by someone. Hikaru opens his closet then get his white shirt out then change it to him. He didn’t dare to change his pants because it’s rude to do this without his permission. Hikaru stand up after he done cleaning the guy. He stares at his long eyelash down to his point nose and his pinkish lips. Without him notice he already stared at the guy in front of him for couple minutes already.
“ Beautiful.. ” That is the only word he can utter, but then he suddenly feel himself like an idiot, so he quickly went out from his room leave that pretty guy sleeping peacefully alone.
Hikaru places the hot noodle on the table in the leaving room. He sat on the couch then eating his noodle silently. After 15 minutes he had done eating and washing it. Hikaru went to his room to check if that guy awake, but he’s still sleeping. Hikaru switch off the light then closed the door. Gladly his apartment has two rooms, so he went to sleep in the other room.
Tomorrow came. Hikaru woke up because the sunlight hit his face. He stretches his body then entered the bathroom to take a shower. Once he finished his shower, he suddenly think of the guy that he saved last night, so he quickly went to his room and open it. He thought that guy is still sleeping, but he’s wrong. He saw him sitting in the corner room holding his knees. His face is blank. Hikaru entered the room and walked to him slowly. Hikaru sit in front of him, but he completely didn’t notice Hikaru at all.
“ Ne.. ” Hikaru touched the pretty boy’s shoulder, but he quickly takes his hand off because his body suddenly is shaking hard and he tries to move away from Hikaru and buried his face into his knees. Hikaru left dumbfound because of the other action. He seems so scared.
“ Don’t scare, I’m not a bad guy. ” Hikaru’s trying to explain as he grabs the other’s hands, but he quickly push Hikaru hardly and shake his head to the left and right. Hikaru tries to calm him down, Hikaru didn’t let go of his hands instead he pulls the pretty guy into his hug.
“ Shh..don’t scare. I saw you collapse in front of my apartment last night so I brought you here. I’m not going to do something bad to you. Please calm down, calm down. ” Hikaru is trying hard to handle the guy that struggle hardly inside his hug. He pushes Hikaru away, hit him on the chest, but Hikaru seems doesn’t care. He continues to soothing him and caresses his soft curly hair trying to calm him down, but who knows he suddenly collapse again. Hikaru sighed and lift him up to the bed.
“ You must be tired ne? ” Hikaru said as he caresses the other’s cheeks. He put the blanket on his body then left the room.
In the evening, Hikaru came to check him once again. He came with a tray in his hands. He saw him sitting in the corner room again. Hikaru didn’t fail to notice that he’s startle when he entered the room. He let out a sigh then put the tray on the table.
“ I think you will be hungry already, so I bought you porridge, and I saw some bruise on your skin here is medicine please taken it after you done eating. ” Hikaru said to him. He’s not surprise that he didn’t get answer from him. “ Oh! you can take a shower there. ” He point at the bathroom. “ And you can use my clothes in the closet. ” After said that he turns around and exited the room. And the latter just stared at Hikaru’s back till him disappear from his eyes.
It’s been 3 weeks that Hikaru take care of him. Hikaru himself doesn’t know what makes him want to take care of him either. He doesn’t even know his name. He just feels that guy need more love, and need someone to take care of him. Now give him food has become his daily routine.
“ Sorry today I’m busy so I can’t bought you porridge. ” Today is just another day that he came into his room, but Hikaru was a little surprised that the latter didn’t sit in the corner room anymore. He stands up straight and places his hands on the window and look at outside. Once he heard Hikaru’s voice he slowly turns to look at the younger.
Hikaru on the other hand, looked at the guy in front of him. The sunlight shines on to the person that stands near the window make his face looks even prettier and his eyes are sparkling. Hikaru feel his heart beat faster than normal for no reason. He’s too much prettier then he first met him. His face color is back to normal not that pale but pinky so adorable. He almost forgot his real intention to come here.
“ A..anou..Do you want to come to eat noodle with me in the dining room? Sorry I have only noodle in my apartment. ” Hikaru smiled shyly as he scratch the back of his head, but he stop immediately because the other suddenly nodded his head. He’s responding me now?! Hikaru seems a little bit shock because he never expects this guy will respond him. Hikaru walked closer to him and about to grab his hand, but the other guy suddenly startled then step back one step. He lower his face try to avoiding Hikaru. Hikaru feel a little bit disappointed. He thinks the other guy maybe still not get used to it, so he just force out a small smile to him.
“ Hai! Douzo! ” Hikaru places the noodle on the dinner table before the pretty boy’s face then he went to sit on a seat where opposite to him. Hikaru looks at the pretty boy that staring at the noodle for seconds then starts eating it. Hikaru smiles upon see him like that.
“ Delicious? ” The latter lift his face up then nodded. Hikaru glad that he looks more healthy than before.
After they done eating Hikaru is washing the dish. He saw the other sat on a bench in the veranda of his room, so he holds a cup of hot chocolate and walked toward him. Hikaru hand him the cup of chocolate as he sit beside him, it makes the latter a bit startle because of Hikaru’s sudden presence, but he accept the cup from Hikaru and staring the hot chocolate on his laps.
“ You haven’t known my name right? I’m Hikaru Yaotome. ” Hikaru suddenly spoke up in the silence atmosphere. “ Are you alright now? ” Hikaru asked as he stared at the guy beside him, and the other just nodded in replied.
“ What is your name? ” He always wanted to ask this question, and finally he’s able to let out it, but soon he feels disappointed because the latter didn’t reply him. He just stays silent looking at the chocolate cup in his hand.
“ Maa..It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. ” Hikaru smiles to him as he stands up from the bench. “ I will go inside to get some drink. ” Hikaru said as he turns back want to walk away, but he was surprised because the pretty guy suddenly grabs his wrist. Hikaru turns to look at him. “ Yeah? ” He tilted his head. The other looks up to him then use his finger write his character name on Hikaru’s palm slowly.
“ Your name is Kei? ” Hikaru asked, and the other nodded.
“ You can’t speak? ” He asked once again, but this time he shake his head.
“ Maa.. Whatever. Yoroshiku Kei. ” Hikaru smile happily and bow down a little. He can’t describe how happy he is, because he’s finally able to communicate with him even though he only respond him with a nod.
“ I will go to the mart, do you want to come with me? You should go to get some fresh air. ” Hikaru suggest and he grinned widely after he earn a small nodded from him.
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Hikaru and Kei are walking slowly together in the mart. Hikaru put many vegetable juices and fruit juices in the basket. He take a look at Kei who walking silently beside him. He feels this guy looks so fragile. He seems like he will break down someday again, just thought till this Hikaru suddenly think of his fearful face when the first time he touch him. He doesn’t want him back to the last time again.
“ Do you need anything, Kei? ” He asked him while they walking randomly. Kei suddenly pointed at the food section. Such as, meat, fish, vegetable etc..
“ Eh? But I can’t cook it’s useless to buy them. ” Hikaru chuckled, but Kei point his finger on his chest.
“ Don’t tell me you can cook? ” Hikaru asked surprisingly, and Kei just nodded back to him.
I think I no need to eat noodle anymore.
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Since that day Hikaru and Kei are living together normally. Hikaru doesn’t know what happen to him but he feels a small happiness in his heart when suddenly have a person come to his life. He finds Kei is different from other people he used to know. Kei’s been silent he’s not talking, but he feels relax whenever he stay with the older. But somehow he also wants to hear his voice.
“ Oishii!! Kei I love your food the most! ” Hikaru exclaimed excitedly as he continue eating a lot of food on the table. Kei smile softly upon hearing that. He pushes a glass of water to Hikaru then rests his hand under his chin.
“ Eh why are you keep smiling? ” Hikaru feels the older is staring at him so he looks up see him smiling at him warmly. Kei shake his head a bit. Hikaru see that so he stops asking him then gives a wide grin back to Kei.
Four months have passed. Hikaru noticed Kei seems to recover a lot. He smile so often and that always make Hikaru’s heart skip a beat. He starts to show a lot of expressions. He smiles, he pout. He isn’t like a doll like the first time they met, and those expressions always make Hikaru think that he will get heart attack one day because of the older’s cuteness.
“ Ne Kei. ” Hikaru never fails to notice that the older always startled whenever their skin accidently brush against each other. In these past three months Hikaru always wants to know what happen to the older, but he just hold back his curiosity. He doesn’t want to force him. When the right time comes, he believes that Kei will tell him.
“ Let’s go somewhere. ” Hikaru said as he quickly grab Kei’s hand exit their apartment. He likes the feeling when he intertwines his fingers with Kei’s. Hikaru isn’t stupid to not realize his feeling toward the older. He admitted that he loves the older. He doesn’t care about his past, what he used to get through. He just loves the guy who stands beside him named Kei. The guy who not talking but always gives him a warm smile. The guy who always make delicious food for him. The guy who always organized his mess room. The guy who come to change his color life.
“ Here! ” Hikaru exclaimed when they reached the place where Hikaru want Kei to come with him. Kei looks at the place then frown. He turns to Hikaru then titled his head as a question to Hikaru.
“ Follow me. ” Hikaru smiled at him then leading him to the Meiji Shrine a place where a lot of people come to pray for their happiness. Hikaru walked directly to the big wishing tree that have a lot of wooden tablet hang on the tree. Hikaru leading Kei to near the wishing tree.
“ Let’s wish Kei. ” He turns to smile at Kei once again then take two pieces of wooden tablets then he gives Kei one. Kei nodded and smile at Hikaru then they bend down to writing something on the wish tablet then they hang it on hooks that provided around the tree.
‘ I wish Kei will stay with me forever. ’ That is what Hikaru wrote on the wish tablet. Hikaru hold the wish tablet then he turn to Kei and steal a glance at the wish tablet in Kei’s hand. Hikaru’s expression suddenly turn to surprise and happy at the same time. The letter on the tablet is ‘ I wish Hikaru will always be happy and smile. ’ He didn’t wish for himself but for Hikaru.
“ Let me help you hang it. ” Hikaru said to Kei then took the wish tablet hang it on the hooks. They turned to look at each other then smile.
And also Hikaru isn’t stupid to not realize that Kei also love him.
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They went to Shibuya after they done wishing. Hikaru and Kei went to many places. There are only joys and smiles surrounding around them. It’s like they only exist in the whole town.
“ Kei I will go to restroom for a moment. Stay here ne? ” Hikaru said as he let Kei sit on a bench near the park. Kei smiles at him then nodded, so Hikaru turns his way to the restroom. He washes his hands quickly because he doesn’t want Kei to stay outside alone. After he done washing his hands he immediately went out and walked directly to the bench to see Kei, but once he reached the bench he didn’t see Kei. Hikaru’s heart suddenly beat faster. He turns to look around but he still didn’t see him even his shadow. Many people walk across him make him feel dizzy. Hikaru quickly walks to the other places to look for Kei. He can’t lose Kei. He really can’t lose Kei. After he spent almost 30 minutes searching for him he still didn’t see Kei. Hikaru feels so frustrated. He walks weakly back to the bench. But once he lifts his face up he saw Kei sit on the bench with ice-cream in his hand. Hikaru’s eyes open widen he immediately run toward Kei and hug him tight. Kei is a bit shock and drop the ice-cream on the ground without him realize.
“ Where are you going Kei?! I’m so worried. I thought I lose you already. I thought I will not be able you meet again already. ” Hikaru said as he increase his hug. Kei is recover from shocking because he feel something wet drop on his shoulder. Kei pulls Hikaru and see his face and he’s wrong. Hikaru is really crying. Kei wipe the tears away from Hikaru’s face slowly, but Hikaru didn’t stop crying. The more Kei wipe the more his tears roll down.
“ I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you Kei. ” Hikaru said as his tears continue flow down.
“ Don’t cry. ” Hikaru really did stop. He’s stunned with what he had heard. Kei is speaking now. Hikaru can’t believe his ears. 5 months and 21 days finally Kei is able to let out his voice.
“ Don’t cry Hika. ” Kei speak once again as he pulls Hika into a hug and caress his hair softly. Hikaru is still stunned. He cannot believe that finally he can hear Kei’s voice.
“ I’m not going anywhere I just went to buy ice-cream. Please don’t cry anymore. ” Kei keep saying as he trying to soothing Hikaru. Hikaru quickly pull himself back then cupped Kei’s face.
“ Finally you speak Kei. ” Hikaru said as he looks into Kei’s eyes. He’s really happy. He can’t find word to describe his feeling. What he has been waiting. He has been waiting for Kei to speak. Finally the day has come. He can’t help but cry again. He doesn’t want to look so weak in front of him but he’s too happy.
“ Stop crying Hika. It’s hurt to see you like this. Please don’t cry. I want to see you smile. ” Kei said as he wipe away those tears on Hikaru’s face. Hikaru immediately smile widely. He grabs Kei’s hands with his hands.
“ Kei I love you. ” Hikaru said then he presses his lips against Kei’s. Hikaru kiss Kei softly and slowly. He doesn’t want to rush. The kiss is a bit salt at first because of Hikaru’s tears, but soon they find it sweet. There is no passionate. There is only their pure feeling and love.
“ I love you too, Hika. ”
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It’s been 8 months that they live together. Kei hasn’t told Hikaru about his past yet. He’s scared. He’s so scared. His past is horrible. He dares not to tell Hikaru.
“ Kei. I will come home a bit late today because I need to finish some project with my classmate. ” Hikaru said then kiss Kei on the forehead then open the door.
“ Emm. I will wait for you. ” Kei gives him a soft smile and wave at him. Once Hikaru get out Kei closed the door and turn back, but suddenly the door was knock. Kei frown. Dose Hikaru forget something? He question himself as he turn to open the door again, but he was surprise because that person not Hikaru, but a beautiful lady dress sparkling. She’s so rich. Kei thought.
“ Hi. ” She greeted.
“ Hi. Who are you? ” Kei asked while still holding the door knob.
“ Aren’t you let me get inside? ” She said then pushes Kei aside then step inside with her red high heels
“ I’m Yaotome Minami. ” She turns back and looks at Kei. “ It’s obvious right? I’m Hikaru’s mother. ” She said as she wrapped her hands on her chest. Kei is a bit surprise. He never expects that he will meet Hikaru’s mother.
“ You’re really pretty eh? Prettier than in the photo that I received. ” Kei had no idea what’s going on. He doesn’t know what Hikaru’s mother trying to say, but he feel something bad is going to happen.
“ Nice to meet you Inoo Kei. ” She smirks. Kei’s eyes open wide. How come she knows his full name? He didn’t even tell Hikaru.
“ How-- ”
“ Are you going to ask me why I know your name? Find out about you is so easy. ” Kei is still stay silent.
“ I don’t want to talk too much. I’m here to tell you to go away from my son. ” Kei clench the hem of his shirt tightly.
“ Don’t think I don’t know your past, Inoo Kei. ” She said as she’s walking around Kei. “ Your father owe a lot of money from a gang, because he has no way to walk and he doesn’t want to die so he give you to them as a payment. ” She stops in front of Kei. “ Am I right? ” She asked in sarcastic tone. “ And your body, I know it’s not virgin anymore. You’re not that innocent. Your body is dirty. ” Kei feels tears fill in the corner of his eyes already.
“ I don’t know what makes Hikaru love you. Maybe your appearance, I guess. What if he know that your body was touch by so many guys? ” She keeps throwing hurt words to Kei. Kei can’t utter a single word he feels like he lost his voice already.
“ Wake up! You and Hikaru are different! You know what? Hikaru is not a normal guy. This small apartment is just a bathroom compare to our house. I told him to study at the state but yet he’s stubborn and tries to escapes from me. ”
“ 8 months is too enough for you already. This is the time for you to move away from his life. His life is perfect. If you love him please let him free. He doesn’t deserve a person like you. I hope you get what I mean. ” She said once again then step out from the room.
Kei is sitting completely on the floor after she left. He let out all of his tears. He cries out loud because the pain is too much in his chest. He thinks he’s going to die soon. He knows his life is not that easy. God is just too cruel toward him. He thought he can find his happiness already, but that happiness is not last long. Kei wipe his tears away then he force out a bitter smile.
“ It’s true. If I love him I need to let him free. I don’t deserve him. ”
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Hikaru is on the way go to his apartment. He’s skipping happily as he looks at the plastic bag in his hand.
“ Kei will love it. ” He smiles to himself. After he finished his project with his friends on the way go back he walked across Kei’s favorite cake shop. So he bought him vanilla flavor. He knows Kei will smile happily like a child. Hikaru stop daydreaming about Kei then continue walk faster.
“ Kei! ” Hikaru exclaimed excitedly as he close the door back. He walked to the table and places his bag on it.
“ Kei! ” Hikaru called once again but he didn’t get any respond.
“ Kei? ” Hikaru frown as he walking to the kitchen to see Kei, but he found nothing.
“ Kei? ” He turns to veranda but the same. He walked to the bathroom but still the same. He finds nothing but air.
Hikaru start to get panic. He quickly runs to Kei’s bedroom. Maybe Kei’s sleeping so he can’t hear me. Hikaru talks to himself as he hold door knob and open it.
Hikaru is stunned because no Kei in the room. Fear run through all over his body.
“ Kei!! Where are you?!! It’s not the right time to play hide and seek! ” He yelled to the air, but all he received is silence.
“ Where are you Kei? ” Hikaru try to calm himself down. “ No, Hikaru calm down. Maybe he went to buy something. ” Hikaru breath hardly as he decide to get outside, but before he could go he notice something on the bed. He walks closer then life it up. It was a paper. Hikaru quickly open it then he saw it was Kei’s hand-writing.
I’m sorry Hikaru. When you found this letter I may in somewhere in the corner of this world. I’m sorry that I leave you without telling you, because I know you won’t let me go if I tell you (chuckle). Hikaru I love you. You’re the first person who taking cares of me, the first person who worries about me, the first person who make me smile happily, the person who make me know what is happiness even it’s not last long. I never dare to tell you about my past. I’m sorry Hikaru, but I don’t deserve you. You’re too nice Hika. You don’t deserve someone like me. I’m dirty. You deserve someone else who better than me. I know it’s so sudden, but please Hika. Stay strong. Please don’t cry, time pass you will find the right person for you. I love you Hika. I know you will cry when you read this, but please, I don’t want to see you crying, please smile. Your smile always gives me courage to live on. Please don’t cry. Fate made us met, but yet I realize that we aren’t mean to be together. I’m sorry Hika. Please forget me. You need to find your own happiness. I will always remember you, Hika, because you’re the most precious person in my life. I love you. Please smile.
“ Why? How come I can smile when you already left me alone? ” Hikaru said as he clench the paper in his hands tightly. A tear follow by another tear drop on the paper. Every word from Kei is like a knife stab into his heart.
“ You’re so cruel Kei. ”
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The weather is not too bright it’s a warm sunny day and the wind blow softly make people feel relax. He makes his way to the place where he goes every day. He stared at the huge tree then smile. Today is just another day that he hangs the wish tablet on the hooks. It’s the 1095 wish tablets that he hangs. He smile once again and looks at those wish tablets.
“ Hey..young man you come again.” Suddenly an old man comes to stand beside him.
“ Yeah? ” He turns his head the old man.
“ I see you come here every day. I’ve noticed it long time already, but I just don’t remember how long it is. ” The old man chuckled.
“ Maybe 3 years, I guess. ” He smiles to himself as he looks to the green leaves on the tree.
“ You’re sure obsessed with wishing things eh? ” The old man asked curiously.
“ I’m not. ” He chuckled.
“ I just learn to wait. ” He said softly.
The statement that he wrote on the wish tablet is
‘ I wish Kei will stay with me forever’
“ I learn to wait, wait till destiny bring us to meet once again. ”
The End.
Here is the wishing tree of Meiji Shrine
A/N: wahh!! Finally I’m able to finish it! The longest fic I've ever written! I know you guys probably hate the ending..lol