This is really good! You really get into the mind of a conflicted school kid, and you do a great job explaining his thoughts, feelings, and expressions. I like the relationship between him and his parents especially.
My only suggestion is that sometimes you say more than what is necessary-- for example, "The thing was….he had these funny feelings. He knew he was one too. That electric current in the morning, wasn’t the first time it had happened." I don't think you need the "He knew he was one too" because you do such a good job describing the feelings he's going through, so the reader knows. Sometimes leaving out a little bit of narration can cause suspense.
Thanks for the compliment, and the feedback. In all of these places to post writing, one barely ever gets usable feedback, just reviews saying, "oh this was so good."
So I thank you for being different. And yes, I will be writing more. Different subjects, all one shots. I have found that writing chapter stories doesn't work for me, so I will just stick to one shots.
Who knows, maybe if I do enough one shots on one subject I would be able to make an anthology out of it someday.
Well done, good sir. Fitting inner concerns of a teenager with little hints of PSA towards racism really flesh out the world these characters live in. I do agree with Nat that some things don't need to be said, but I believe that there's still more to learn. I understand this was only a one-shot, but I'm glad to hear you're planning other stories (possibly intertwined) to better flesh out this world and its people. Keep up the good work.
The next one or two one shots will not really be in connection to this story in particular, but that is an interesting idea to intertwine future stories to this established canon.
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My only suggestion is that sometimes you say more than what is necessary-- for example, "The thing was….he had these funny feelings. He knew he was one too. That electric current in the morning, wasn’t the first time it had happened." I don't think you need the "He knew he was one too" because you do such a good job describing the feelings he's going through, so the reader knows. Sometimes leaving out a little bit of narration can cause suspense.
If you write more, pleeeeaaase keep posting :D
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So I thank you for being different.
And yes, I will be writing more.
Different subjects, all one shots. I have found that writing chapter stories doesn't work for me, so I will just stick to one shots.
Who knows, maybe if I do enough one shots on one subject I would be able to make an anthology out of it someday.
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The next one or two one shots will not really be in connection to this story in particular, but that is an interesting idea to intertwine future stories to this established canon.
Thank you.
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