Feeling better
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Not much else to do when you can't sleep, and have to be quiet because of a 5-year old sleeping in the next room. I put myself into TJ's position, and started to understand where he was coming from.
And I realized I never gave Danielle a chance. Yes, she does call too much. She needs to start thinking for herself more. But she wasn't the problem. TJ and I had the problem. I was insecure, and TJ wasn't doing anything to help me feel secure. We weren't communicating very well. So I called Danielle yesterday and apologized to her. I never gave her a chance. I had it in my head that she was a horrible person so anything she did that could be viewed as a mistake, I grabbed. I put a strain on her friendship with TJ. And I learned a lot more about my relationship with TJ. I found out TJ is the one that sought her out. I also found out some more areas where TJ needs to learn to talk to me. Evidently he's been talking to her about breaking up with me since March. And never said a word at home. Danielle thought I hated her. But llike I told her, how could I hate her when I didn't even know her? And she did apologize for being speeding our problems along. That meant a lot to me.
And TJ and I also had a long talk. I apologized to him for acting the way I had. I went way overboard. And let my emotions do all the talking. I never stopped to think why I felt the way I did. I just took the easy route and blamed it all on Danielle. We also talked about things he needs to do to make himself whole. And changes we both have to make if we're going to make us work out. But I think we both felt a lot better after our talk. I'm hoping he'll want to start dating again once he feels more whole. We never really dated until after he moved in with me. I don't think he knew what living with someone was going to be like. He'd had female roommates, but never with a girlfriend. But we established we still love each other. So there's still hope. I fished one of the photos of us that I'd thrown away out of the trash. It's face down for now because it still hurts to see, but I don't want to throw it away. He offerred my ring back to me to have as a keepsake, but I turned it down. I told him I don't want it back until it's meant like it was given originally.
And I'm starting to feel a little bit like my old self again. Before all the stress. I've been able to laugh and joke. I still feel a bit empty because TJ's not here with me, but maybe one day. And last night, I slept more than I have in the past four nights. Lol. Woot woot for eight hours!
Today's plan is to go down to Becca's basement and work on getting it ready to move everything over. I packed a lot of my things yesterday while waiting for TJ to get off work. I have all my movies and most of my books packed. I have some of my clothes over here already. I work tonight, and I think I'm working tomorrow too. No days off until my three day weekend next weekend. But I can use the money. So off to the basement I go. Wish me luck. :)