super long post about what's wrong with TJ and me
I need to vent. Just a warning if you read this, it's going to be long. But I just have to get this off my chest. My whole world seems like it's falling apart.
It all started a couple months ago. TJ works in the bakery at Sam's Club. Well, they got an overnight baker that they didn't train how to bake. So he was helping her. Somehow, he started getting phone calls from her at home. I don't know if he meant for her to call over every little thing or not, but she did.
At first I figured it was just because she didn't know anything. But she's been there about seven or eight months now, and she still calls several times a week, multiple times a night. They've become friends. Which is fine and dandy. Except for the fact that everytime she calls or texts, he drops what he's doing with me to play her hero. Not to mention I don't trust her at all. She has a history of cheating on her husband (she's told TJ of at least twice), she smokes pot, and she has virtually no self-confidence. TJ views her as needing his help. He has a huge hero complex. And I've seen it too many times where a guy plays hero and the girl falls for him. Ever since day one, I've had this feeling in my chest not to trust her. I trust TJ more than anyone. I know he won't lie to me. I know he won't cheat on me. But at the same time, I don't want this girl anywhere near him. I don't know how I would react if she did even kiss him. Would I be able to kiss him again knowing she had touched his lips and not think of her? I honestly don't think I could. And that bothers me because I am a very physical person. I love kissing TJ. I love having sex with him. Not just because I have a high sex drive. Because that's one way I have to show him I love him.
This girl sees him almost daily at work. On top of that, she sends text messages on his phone. I have problems with that because our cell phones are prepaid. We have to pay per text message. She texts him for the most bullshit things instead of for emergency use like what we got the cell phones for in the first place. If it's not an emergency, leave a message on the house phone or send a message online. And I'm sorry, but any type of emergency that involves Sam's Club Bakery should be involving the police or fire. Or even the manager. Not TJ who has no authority. He does way more than he should, and he's good at it. But it's not his problem to fix. Especially not on his own personal time which he doesn't get that damn much of.
She's on his MySpace, and he has to send her a message every day after work telling her how things are so she's not surprised when she goes in. She asked him to because she doesn't like to be surprised. Hello. You're a baker. You go in, bake what's there to bake and fill the shelves. Put orders away, and go the fuck home. No surprise. And I know it's jouvenile, but the Own Your Friends application, she kept buying TJ. She'd make comments like "He's your boyfriend, but he's my pet." No, he's not. And my friend bought TJ, and she thought it was me, and she made some sort of bitchy comment. She even went so far as to send me a message on MySpace which I'll post at the end.
And she calls several times a night from work. Yes, she does call occassionally with valid work questions. But most of it, she could figure out on her own. She's called to say one of the ovens was broken. What should she do? Use the other oven! Even me, my friend, and my friend's mom could answer that. On Mother's Day, she called the home phone twice, texted him who knows how many times, and called his cell phone...to ask if she made enough bread the night before. She's called several times to ask his opinion on something and then when he's trying to tell her, she talks right through him not listening to a word he says. I know this because she's loud, and I can hear her all the way on the other side of the room. She called him once to ask how many cookies to make because they were almost out of stock. He told her to bake lightly to conserve them so they'd have enough to last until they got the next order in. She didn't agree with that so she called Micky the bosslady. Micky told her to bake more. She called TJ back to tell him that and to find out exactly how many cookies that was. He was sitting there explaining to her on the phone at 11:30 at night when he had to be AT work at 5 the next morning how many cookies she needed. He's breaking down the math saying there's 24 cookies on a tray. You need 2 1/2 trays. That's 60 cookies. I'm sorry, but if you can't figure out the math yourself, take the trays back and just fill up 2 1/2 of them. And when this happened, she had been there for at least six months. If you don't know your job by that time, you aren't going to get it ever. I could understand if it were a new bread that she hadn't made before. But she makes cookies on a nightly basis. It's just an excuse to call.
I'm bothered because every time she calls or texts, TJ drops me to save her. We've been in the middle of conversations, and he stops me to answer her call. We've been on dates, cuddled up watching a movie, and she calls and he gets up to answer her and stands there bullshitting with her for half an hour. We go downtown on a date walking around and when I go into the bathroom to wash my hands, he's answering her text message. Walking into the movie theater, he's answering her text message. It doesn't matter what we're doing, she's on his mind. And I wonder if her husband is as important to her as she said in her email, why isn't she talking to him? Why is she in constant contact with my man? And why is TJ letting her?
For some reason, I have a huge feeling not to trust her. It's this same feeling that told me they went to the movies together. Alone. And had dinner. While I was at work. And I was right. TJ says she didn't make any moves on him, and I believe him. But to me, going to dinner and a movies is a date. If he and I would do it and call it a date, it's a date. He says he was bullshitting with a friend. I'm sorry, but what kind of bullshitting can you do sitting in a dark movie theater, two inches away from someone, and not talking for at least an hour and a half that the movie is running? No, she didn't try anything that time, but what about the next?
I still don't see where she's that great of a friend to him, anyway. From all the conversations I've been around, and we have all hung out together (her, her husband, her son, TJ, and me) everything is about her. She comes off as being really self-centered and whiney. I wouldn't like her even if I didn't think she had ulterior motives.
At work, they're currently without a team lead. I guess she wanted the position, but honestly, she would suck at being a team lead. She lacks the confidence, the knowledge, and the people skills to get things done (she even admits she's a bitch). TJ on the other hand would be fucking awesome at it. He does it anyway but without the title. He's the one holding the bakery together. He does most of the ordering when management doesn't have it in their head to take over, he organizes what needs to be done, and he knows what he's doing. He's constantly looking to learn more, and he's fucking awesome with people. She can bake lots of product which is helpful, but her quality is inconsistant and she bakes way too much and they end up throwing most of it away. So anyway, TJ put in for the team lead. Yes, I know she has a lot of stress going on with her family right now, but she's taking it out on TJ ever since this team lead thing came up because management is looking at him, and didn't even glance her way. She's making snotty little comments about not having faith in his judgement anymore because he ordered too lightly.
And Sam's has a policy about people in higher positions not being friends outside of work with their suboridinates. She would be his subordinate if he got the team lead position. So he told her he couldn't be her friend if he got promoted. So I guess they had a go of it. Well, she invited him over to play video games with her because she's tired of playing them with just her son because her husband won't play with her. He told her he would have to talk to me, and I would join him. Because he knows I have issues with the two of them being alone together. So she gave him an ultimatum to either grow up and do things on his own, or leave her out of it. I have never once told him not to be friends with her. I don't like his friend Krista, either, but I have never asked him to not be friends with her. I would never tell him not to talk to someone just because I don't like them. I'll ask why he does like them, but I don't say I don't want him to be friends with them. I won't lie, I have told him I don't like her and exactly why. And I do have problems with them being alone together. Like I said, I don't trust her one bit. But I have never asked him to give her up. I have asked him to put her aside on our dates because I would like some time just the two of us. I don't get that very often. Like I said, he drops me for her. She's on his mind all through our dates. It feels like I'm taking second place, and it shouldn't be that way. I'm his girlfriend. The one he tells "I love you" to. Hell, I talk to Becca a lot. She's my best friend. But I don't talk to her nearly as much as they talk. She doesn't have to talk to me on a daily basis. If she calls and we're in the middle of something, she leaves a message and I get back to her later. TJ is that important to me. So why am I not that important to him? Why does Danielle take precidence?
But here's the letter she sent me with my comments interjected. She sent this before we were all supposed to go play Bingo together. My first official time meeting her. The next night we had planned to go to her place for dinner, which we did. We've been over to play video games since then. Actually, she slept most of the time while TJ and her husband played video games, and I fixed her computer for her. I've been nothing but nice to her, yet I'm the bad guy. I just want my boyfriend back. Is that so much to ask? But here's her email. I'll interject some paragraphs in there, too so it's easier to read.
HI. ITS ME YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD...DANIELLE. THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW. FIRST OF ALL I DONT LIE. I HATE LIARS, MY MOM BROUGHT ME UP TO TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH BECAUSE THE CONSEQUENCES OF LYING ARE FAR GREATER THAN THE CONSEQUENCES OF ADMITING YOU FUCKED UP IN THE FIRST PLACE. ON THAT NOTE I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING IM ABOUT TO SAY TO YOU IS TRUE.
(Paragraph inserted. Okay. I have a problem with this. To me, she's done the biggest lie there is. She's cheated on her husband twice. Once right after they were married and once recently with a co-worker at Sam's. I'm pretty sure in marriage vows, there's a bit about love, honor, cherish, and also of loyalty. She broke that. And if her husband knew after the first time, I'll go out on a limb to assume she apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. Lie number two because it did happen again. So right there, I have problems believing anything else coming out of her. The sheer fact that she could do that to someone who cares about her puts her lower than dirt in my book. I've seen too many women get cheated on and say even years later that they wonder if their guy is cheating again. Or they want to cheat to get back at their guy. That creates a permanent trust barrier in the relationship.)
I AM A BLUNT PERSON. I SAY WHATS ON MY MIND AS QUICKLY AS IT COMES TO MY MIND AND I DONT THINK TWICE IF IT PISSES SOMEONE OFF OR NOT. SO I AM SORRY IF I COME OFF AS FLIRTY TO YOU TOWARDS T.J. HONESTLY I DONT EVEN SEE THAT, BUT I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT AS I AM NOT WATCHING MYSELF. I APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. I HAVE A SUPERPOKE PET THAT I ADOPTED ON MYSPACE. ITS AN APPLICATION. I NAMED HIM SEXUAL HARRASMENT PANDA LIKE THE ONE ON SOUTH PARK. I RIPPED THAT CHARACTER OFF OF SOUTH PARK BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY . THEN I INVITED ALL OF MY MYSPACE FRIENDS VIA COMMENT TO PLAY WITH MY VIRTUAL PET. SORRY YOU DONT LIKE THE NAME OF MY PET BUT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR T.J. I WOULD HAVE NAMED MY PET THAT IF I HAD NEVER EVEN MET T.J. AND STILL SENT INVITED TO ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS. SO YOU SHOULD REALLY CALM DOWN ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE ITS IRRELEVANT. I DONT SEE HOW ANY OF MY OTHER COMMENTS I HAVE LEFT HIM ON MYSPACE ARE FLIRTY, THAT I CAN RECALL I LEFT HIM A FEW FUNNY ONES NOTHING ROMANTIC SEXUAL OR FLIRTY IN ANY WAY. UNLESS YOU THINK AN ORANGE TALKING TO A GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE IS SEXY THEN YOU MAY HAVE SOME PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH THERE. I WILL STOP LEAVING HIM COMMENTS ON HIS PAGE AND I WILL STOP BUYING HIM ON THE OWN YOUR FRIENDS APPLICATION, HOWEVER THATS JUST SILLY BECAUSE MY HUSBAND COULDNT OWN ME FOR LONGER THAN A COUPLE HOURS A DAY BEFORE I GOT BOUGHT BY SOMEONE ELSE AND NEVER ONCE DID HE GET UPSET. IN FACT HE TOLD ME I WAS TOO EXPENSIVE AND THERE WAS NO POINT IN THE STUPID APPLICATION BECAUSE HE COULDNT OWN ME OR ANY OF HIS OTHER FRIENDS FOR VERY LONG BEFORE HE GOT BOUGHT OUT. HE TOOK THE APPLICATION OFF AND TOLD ME IT WAS BORING AND AND A WASTE OF TIME ANYWAYS. I WILL BE DOING THE SAME HERE SHORTLY JUST BECAUSE IT IS A STUPID TIME CONSUMING GAME THAT IS OBVIOUSLY CAUSING MORE TROUBLE THAN ITS WORTH.
(Okay...I'm guessing the people that bought you didn't call you their pets. Pet is commonly used as a term of affection as well as a sexual act. Plus, if you saw it bothered me, why keep doing it?)
NOW TO THE MORE IMPORTANT PART OF WHAT YOU NEED TO NOW. WHEN I FIRST STARTED BACK IN BAKERY IN MARCH, I DINT KNOW WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING. I HAD NEVER HAD A JOB LIKE THAT BEFORE. I HAVE BEEN AN OVERNIGHT STOCKER FOR MOST OF MY JOB LIFE AND BAKING WAS LIKE THROWING A BLIND PERSON IN A ROOM THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN IN BEFORE. T.J. WAS LIKE MY GUIDE DOG, HE HELPED ME TO SEE AND GET THE FEEL OF WHAT I WAS DOING UNTIL I COULD FIGURE THINGS OUT FOR MYSELF. IM NOT DUMB, BUT SAMS IS LIKE GO TEACH YOURSELF AND I DIDNT HAVE A CLUE.
(Paragraph inserted. Not dumb? I have yet to see one thing this girl is smart about. She has no grammatical skills. No math skills. Evidently no computer skills because I had to fix her computer. Her baking skills suck, and she doesn't have the common sense enough to take people's advice when they tell her she's baking too much. She can't make decisions on her own. She has to consult TJ. She can't come up with any original material. Everytime she tries to be funny, she's quoting someone else or a TV show. She isn't clever enough to come up with anything on her own. So where's the intelligence?)
NOW I CALL T.J. FOR OTHER REASONS SUCH AS MATHEMATICAL QUESTIONS HOW MANY BREAD TRAYS DOES THIS MANY MKE AND WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS ORDER MEAN BECAUSE ALMOST EVERYONE BACK IN THE BAKERY IS FUCKING STUPID AND DOESNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE ORDERS RIGHT OR LEAVE ME INSTRUCTIONS LIKE T.J. DOES IF THERE IS SOMETHING NEW THAT I DONT KNOW. I RELY ON HIM LIKE EVERYONE AND I EMPHASIZE EVERYONE BECAUSE I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT USES T.J. LIKE AIR BACK THERE. HE IS VERY SMART AND HE HOLDS THE BAKERY TOGETHER.
(Paragraph insert. Yes, everyone else uses him for his knowledge. But no one else calls him at home or sends him emails daily for help. If they have questions, they ask him when they see him AT WORK. Or leave him notes AT WORK.)
HIS ONLY ISSUE IS THAT HE IS SLOW.
(Paragraph insert. That is a load of bullshit, and I let her know that when we had dinner with her. TJ is not slow at all. He seems slow because it takes him longer to get his stuff done BECAUSE he's covering everyone else's asses and doing there work. I'm sure he outworks Danielle and her speedy baking. She's just uninterrupted because she's there by herself overnight. She doesn't have co-workers asking for help or customers asking for shit. But he is far from slow, and he's got the best quality. Quality is more important than quantity in my book. If he can mostly fill the rack with yummy bread instead of completely filling it with overcooked bread like she does, I'd say he's ahead of the game. A customer is more likely to buy something that looks good instead of buying something because the rack is full.)
THATS WHERE I COME IN. I NEED HIM TO INSTRUCT ME SOMETIMES AND EVEN VENT TO HIM SOMETIMES BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL IDIOTS BACK THERE AND DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELLS GOING ON. YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD THAT YOU HAVE SUCH A COMPETENT, WELL-PUT TOGETHER BOYFRIEND. HOWEVER, I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO T.J. IN THE SLIGHTEST. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT I WOULD EVER BE WITH T.J. IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. NOT FOR A MILI-SECOND. I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO T.J .AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU ALMOST THE ENTIRE NITE CREW THINKS HES GAY. GAY LIKE GUY ON GUY GAY. IN FACT DESPITE THE FACT THAT T.J. TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME I STILL THOUGHT HE WAS GAY UNTIL THE DAY I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN EYES AT WALMART. ME AND MY MOM STILL LAUGH ABOUT OUR MISCONCEPTIONS, SHE WORKS AT SAMS OVERNIGHT TOO AND STILL THINKS HE IS GAY. I AM MARRIED TO A WONDERFUL MAN WHO I LOVE TO DEATH AND HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD SON. EVEN IF I WERE TO CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND IT WOULD NOT BE WITH T.J. I DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE SOLITARY ROMANTIC BONE TOWARDS YOUR MAN AT ALL.
(Paragraph inserted. Me thinks thou dost protest too much. And if your man were so wonderful, why did you cheat on him repeatedly? And "Even if I were to cheat on my husband" to me implies that you have not done so already. Which would be another lie.)
I CONSIDER HIM HIGHLY INTELLIGENT, FUNNY AND TRUSTWORTHY. ITS NOT OFTEN I CAN FIND SOMEONE I CAN HOLD A CONVERSATION WITH AND THEY ARE WILLING TO PUT UP WITH MY BITCHINESS. SO WHEN I DO FIND A FRIEND LIKE THAT I TEND TO KEEP THEM. I DONT HAVE MANY FRIENDS BECAUSE MOST OF THEM HAVE STABBED ME IN THE BACK. IF THERE IS ANYONE IN THE WORLD THAT KNOWS ABOUT BETRAYAL, ITS ME. I MAY GIVE THAT HORRIFYING FEELING IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACHE BUT YOU SHOULD SAVE THAT FEELING FOR A GIRL WHO ACTUALLY WANTS YOUR MAN. IM NOT THAT GIRL. I SEE T.J. AS A CONFIDANT, SOMEONE WHOM I CAN TRUST AND GET ADVICE FROM. ESPECIALLY AT WORK, BECAUSE IF HE WASNT THERE TO GIVE HIS OPINION, ID BE LOST. I AM VERY APPRECIATIVE OF HIS HELP AND IN A WAY IM HELPING HIM BY ASKING HIM TOO BECAUSE THEN I DONT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY FUCK ANYTHING UP. I AM SORRY THAT YOU FEEL SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND EVEN THOUGH I AM 99.9% SURE THAT YOU DONT BELIEVE ME, IM TELLING YOU ANYWAYS BECAUSE THATS THE TYPE OF PERSON I AM. I AM BEING UPFRONT AS I CAN WITH YOU AND I WOULD EXPECT THE SAME BACK.
(I don't need her to tell me how wonderful TJ is. I wouldn't have fallen for him or be with him if he weren't. I am so fucking proud of him I could burst. I'm sorry she's been betrayed, but has she ever thought maybe what goes around comes around? Karma is a bitch. I've been bitten, too. Which is why I don't trust her.)
IF ITS POSSIBLE I WOULD LIKE TO BE GREAT FRIENDS WITH T.J. HE IS AN AWESOME PERSON, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE ACCEPTING OF THAT. IM NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO LIKES TO HOMEWRECK. BUT ITS LIKE I SAID, I DONT WANT HIM, IM NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM, IT WOULDNT MATTER IF GOD WIPED OUT THE PLANET AND WE WERE THE LAST 2 PEOPLE ON EARTH, I COULDNT MAKE MYSELF FORNICATE WITH HIM, THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE MEAN I APOLOGIZE EXTENSIVELY. SAVE YOUR JEALOUSY AND RAGE FOR SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY DESERVES IT, PUTTING YOUR MALICE TOWARDS ME IS A WASTE OF YOUR TIME BECAUSE IT ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING BECAUSE THERE IS SIMPLY NOTHING THERE AND NEVER WILL BE. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BELIEVE ME OR NOT, I REALLY DONT CARE IF YOU HATE ME IVE GOT ENOUGH PEOPLE THAT DO THAT IT DOENST EVEN PHASE ME ANYMORE , BUT FOR THE SAKE OF YOURS AND T.J.'S RELATIONSHIP, WHICH SHOULD BE YOUR MAIN CONCERN, ID CALM THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE IM NOT A SPECK ON HIS RADAR AND HES NOT EVEN ON THE SAME PLANET OF GUYS ID BE INTERESTED IN IF I WERENT MARRIED. IN CONCLUSION, SAVE YOURSELF, SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR AS T.J. SAYS STOP BEING SO "CATTY". HE LOVES YOU DEEPLY AND TRULY, IF HE DIDNT TALK ABOUT YOU SO MUCH I WOULD PROBABLLY STILL THINK HES GAY. NOT TO BE MEAN ITS A COMMON MISPERCEPTION. HAVE A GREAT DAY, I HOPE YOU GUYS WORK THINGS OUT. HONESTLY. BEST WISHES.
(Okay...This just pisses me off. How dare the bitch put my boyfriend down like that?! And that if I weren't married bit again falls into the it doesn't fucking matter category because you've already done it!)
And it doesn't help matters that we don't have money. TJ and I both need to work on our unneccessary spending. He wants me to get a different job, but I actually like my job. Granted, I get $8.25/hour and no medical. But I'm also getting weekly overtime and commission. My paychecks are usually more than his Sam's check. I had a second job for several months, and yes, the money did help. But I also became really sick. And now that we only have one working car, I don't know what he expects me to do. I love my job. I love my co-workers. And my pay isn't horrible. Do you know how hard that is to find? He hates both of his jobs. If he got this team lead position, he could quit his second job and we wouldn't be losing too much money.
It's just everything is falling at once, and neither of us knows how to pick up the pieces. And right now, I don't know if we can. Because his friend gave him an ulitmatum, he's going to either resent me because he can't be friends with her. Or he stays friends with her and it eats me up. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't type thing. Luckily, Becca is fucking awesome and said I can move into her basement if I need to. I don't want to because once we break up, it's done. If I move out permanently, it's permanent. But the way things are going, neither of us can handle the stress.
But anyway, this is why I'm feeling the way I feel.