Why Collegeboard is Unholy
Imagine a beautiful Saturday morning. Imagine the warm feeling of lying under warm covers with your cat snuggled next to you. All is changed with the shriek of the alarm clock as you unwilling open your eyes. Instead of watching Saturday cartoons or opening the door and taking in a sweet breath of the crisp morning air, you get up ready (not really) to face a never-ending test that will determine your life (maybe not). After slugging down a gummy bowl of porridge, you make your way to school. You good-heartily follow directions and get there by 7:45. Your understanding thins as your nervousness grows. Just when you are about to burst from fury and nervousness, you are summoned upstairs. Your nefariousness is not sedated as you enter the room, but prolonged with an-hour (almost) long session of bubble-filling (to be read with sarcasm and a tremble Mrs. Kadletz style). Depending on where you take your test, your proctor may range from a friendly bear to an evil old bat (I had the bat). If your proctor belongs to the only family of mammals who can fly, your prior knowledge of how testing works may be slashed and mutated(I was banned from having a stopwatch and a scientific calculator). Then you face a grueling test that squeezes and minces you dry (imagine your brain and the movie Fargo and the wood chopper). If you are taking the subject tests, ten minutes from the end of the finish line, your calculator may break. You are then forced to either cancel the test or struggle to the finish. Either way, your morning would probably have been wasted as your score would inevitably suck. Now imagine a time machine, and you are applying to college. Only then do you realize how much money collegeboard makes off of under-aged, unemployed, and emotionally challenged teenagers. It costs 9 dollars to send scores to colleges PER SCHOOL! At that moment you look back and realize how much capital collegeboard has sucked out of you. The collegeboard is a leech indeed. It costs some 30 bucks for SATS and 8o bucks per AP. Of course, there is always a good chance that you may have to take a subject test twice. That figures to 30x7 + 80x8 which comes out to be $850 dollars! That amount excludes the prep books and prep classes you pay for. In the end, you end up dropping 2 or 3 grand for stupid tests that don't measure your abilities at all (and collegeboard admits this).
There is only two solutions to this problem
Solution 1: Not going to college.
This may be a great way to save money as the college will milk more than 100,000 dollars off you, an amount that can be saved or invested with annual compounded returns. However, education may also turn out to be a worthy investment, though it is risky (look at the dropouts).
Solution 2: In acts of terrorism, bomb the collegeboard headquarters.
This is definitely the better solution as with the collegeboard temporarily dormant, college may look at only our GPA and other qualifications. However, this options is only available if we can find al-Qaeda operatives if they would only show themselves so we can employ their services. Heck, they can probably do it during the night so no civilians get hurt. I'm sure with more than a million students nationwide, donations will be more than enough to carry out the operation.
This brings us to my final point. 4 years or torture looms ahead, more years of graduate school awaits us. There may be a decade of studying left before we finally get to toil in boring offices. Of course, there is sweet retirement. But is all this worth it?
P.S. Do not be concerned. I am not feeling suicidal. I am just releasing my fury against the collegeboard. I hope my arguments are sound.
There is only two solutions to this problem
Solution 1: Not going to college.
This may be a great way to save money as the college will milk more than 100,000 dollars off you, an amount that can be saved or invested with annual compounded returns. However, education may also turn out to be a worthy investment, though it is risky (look at the dropouts).
Solution 2: In acts of terrorism, bomb the collegeboard headquarters.
This is definitely the better solution as with the collegeboard temporarily dormant, college may look at only our GPA and other qualifications. However, this options is only available if we can find al-Qaeda operatives if they would only show themselves so we can employ their services. Heck, they can probably do it during the night so no civilians get hurt. I'm sure with more than a million students nationwide, donations will be more than enough to carry out the operation.
This brings us to my final point. 4 years or torture looms ahead, more years of graduate school awaits us. There may be a decade of studying left before we finally get to toil in boring offices. Of course, there is sweet retirement. But is all this worth it?
P.S. Do not be concerned. I am not feeling suicidal. I am just releasing my fury against the collegeboard. I hope my arguments are sound.