V-Day.: One Rule, Xiah- Don't Panic!
>> I think I'm gonna start blatantly advertising other stories here XD If you like omg funny DBSK romance stories, you would LOVE LOVE LOVE anything by the user sekushiai. Check her out, especially her story "Matchmaker"... 'kay, I'm done now! lol <<
DBSK Dorm: Fifteen Minutes Later. (Task Two in Progress)
A faint poking feeling in the side brought Hero back to her senses, groggy as they were. Her immediate reaction to the unwanted stimulation was to groan and turn on her other side to get away from the annoying sharp pain.
Another poke. Hero’s second reaction then became a blatant ignoring of the poking, this time accompanied with a low growl. (Okay, so maybe she didn’t totally ignore it.)
Another poke. ‘That’s it!’ the aggravated woman told herself. She opened her eyes only to be greeted by the sight of a fin. Yes. A bloody fin.
As she sat up, Hero discovered very unsurprisingly that Xiah was sitting next to her on her bed (made for one person, mind you), ass taking up 3/4ths of the bed her very own laptop in his lap.
Hero’s dongsaeng was in his pajamas. As she scanned over the print of the fabric the man had obviously custom ordered, she honestly did not know whether to laugh or be much more concerned about his choices in life.
There, literally frolicking in a way much too fun-looking to be considered natural or healthy to the human eye, were pigs with Mickey Mouse ears dancing with angelic dolphins (‘They have halos!’ Hero thought with a trickle of disgust) in the skies, complete with a blue background, clouds, and cheerful suns wearing shades.
‘You know, I think I saw Chunnie wearing something like that once,’ the singer remembered distractedly. ‘Either they bought matching pajamas or Xiah’s borrowing his Pooky’s- I mean, Micky’s- clothes. Wait, why would he borrow his pajamas in the first place…? Oh, God, no, I didn’t mean it; I don’t ever want to know. Please don’t ever let me find out, please,’ she ended up pleading with herself.
Perhaps she needed to get out more. Away from the other members- yeah, that was it. She was going insane.
Hearing Xiah stifling a giggle, obviously unaware Hero was fully awake now, brought the said woman back out of her thoughts, and not a moment too soon. (Trying to understand the relationship of a man named Micky and a child person like Xiah was like trying to understand why Siwon hadn’t just denounced the Bible already and gave in to Sin itself Heechul, or why Hongki hadn’t admitted being the hardcore Kangteuk love child his obvious familial relations to Kangin.)
But the fabric of the pajamas wasn’t even the worst of it all. Just as Hero had feared, a foam fin stuck out from the very center back of Xiah’s pajamas. While it was tempting to sit back and try to make sense of why the man had changed into his pajamas now anyway and how he even slept in such a torture device manner, all the woman let herself decipher was the fact that this very fin was the object of her hatred for waking her from her slumber.
Wait, slumber? Didn’t she pass out? Didn’t Xiah-
“EU KYANG KYANG!” That laugh again. Obviously, the Squeak Freak was not able to hold the giggles in this time; and Hero desperately wanted to know what was so damn funny about her computer.
Cheekily peeking over her dongsaeng’s shoulder at the bright screen, the singer wondered why Xiah still hadn’t noticed her presence yet. No one was that dense, right? Right? Xiah is.
But all thoughts fled from Hero’s mind as she looked at the new desktop background of her Mac.
If that happy-go-lucky bastard had just changed it to Yunho, that would have been fine. But no- Xiah had obviously searched and searched for a photoshopped picture of her when she had been a boy… together with Yunho… doing things they obviously had never done.
‘Yet,’ her mind added, and she fought the urge to punch her own face into the next country over for thinking it. Female hormones were starting to control her brain; this was just awful. In fact, she didn’t even miss the sculpted chest only hours earlier she had been mourning over.
As Xiah reached towards the mouse pad to open up the Paint program (to add God knows what else to the mix of the disturbingly awesome Yunjae way-too-friendly-picture that lay before the two of them), Hero screamed.
“YAH!”
Xiah turned with wide eyes and smiled innocently at his hyung, finally realizing that she was, in fact, there. And pissed, if the tenseness of the hands that now shoved well-kept nails into his neck were anything to go by.
“Xiah,” Hero said quietly, almost resignedly, as she stared at her computer screen. “Why is that my current background?”
The younger man shrugged thoughtfully. “Because I was messing around with some of the pics you had of Yunho on your computer and accidentally made it your background and locked it so I couldn’t change it?” he guessed.
“I SO DID NOT HAVE THAT PICTURE ON MY-“ The singer stopped. Taking in what her friend had just said, it did or did not matter what she had saved to her hard drive (but the Yunjae wasn’t hers, she swore!) because he had locked it and it could not be changed.
The livid elder glared battle axes- not daggers- into her dongsaeng’s eyes. “You. Did. What?!”
“Hey, it’s not like I’m not doing you a favor- I mean, you as your background? How… narcissistic of you. What’s the point? Pfft.”
“It’s… to let people know it’s mine,” Hero clarified cautiously.
Xiah rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like your purse?” he asked, referring to a moment they shared during the group’s filming of All About DBSK Season 3.
“It’s not a purse; it’s a shoulder bag, and I carry my most important things in there!”
“Like your cell phone-“
“Yep.”
“And your iPod-“
“Yessir.”
“And your fruity lip gloss-“
“Raspberry lip balm, but same general idea.”
“And the first miniature tiger plushy Yunho won you back in ’03 at that carnival…”
“How do you even know about that?! Stay out of my things, you criminal!”
Xiah laughed only to be stopped in fear at the sight of Hero’s cold eyes. He quickly settled on clearing his throat. “Anyway, I was saying before: you should put up pictures of your friends! I know Micky’s my background, and I’m his. That’s how friends should do it, duh,” the younger man informed his superior.
Hero held up a hand to pause him and inform him, no, that’s not what friends do, that’s what
“friends” do, but he thought better of it.
There was absolutely no getting through to Xiah Junsu.
A sudden dinging noise sounded from the computer. From Hero’s instant messenger that the home-wrecking sea creature Xiah was using. On her computer. And the little message that popped up was identified as from JunhotehAwesome.
Hey. You stopped talking, man! What’s your deal?
Hero, already furious over her new desktop picture (dear Ramyun, wait till she got to explain that to her best friend), became even more angry as the idea that Xiah had taken over her laptop and room as she was passed out in a state of vulnerability because of a certain idiot’s door-opening incapability dawned on her.
The slight woman pounced angrily over her dongsaeng before he even got a chance to process the sound marking his brother’s response, and took the job upon herself.
Hero Jaejoong is now going to destroy your one and only brother. Anything you want me to do especially?
Nope. Have fun! =]
Hero smirked to herself evilly, then turned onto Xiah, who suddenly looked very pale and struggled to get out of the bed until Hero held him there by his pajama fin.
“Before I destroy you, my happy little ball of ignorance,” the lead singer began, “answer me this: where’d your babysi- I mean, where’d Max go?”
Xiah looked up at the ceiling in thought, tapping his chin. “Dunno,” he answered. “He left right after you passed out, saying you weren’t of his concern once your mind wasn’t alert enough to cook.”
Hero thought about it and let the man who was now slightly squeaking in fear go. “I see,” she mumbled to herself. ‘Xiah’s not to blame, because he barely knows what’s going on on his own. Max, though- today is not a good day for you test me, Choikang Changmin.’ (Once the full, real name was brought out by the DBSK umma, it was serious.)
(Somewhere in a 7-11 down the street, Max shivered for no reason and his mind told him to run for his life. Instead, he found a Twix Bar to think over his choices. His conclusion? He decided to buy another Twix Bar. So much for his mortality.)
Dark thoughts consumed the moody woman’s mind until she noticed Xiah smelling her neck. “Whoa!” she screamed, shoving the slightly heavier man off of her. Releasing a pant, she gasped, “I don’t know what compelled you to do… that, but I totally only gave Micky permission, and him alone!”
Xiah gave a seriously confused look. “What?”
Hero shook her head. “Oh, God, nothing- why did you smell me?”
“You smell like mangoes.”
“And?”
“I smell like mangoes, too.”
“My goodness, that is fascinating, but-“
“We both smell like my imported Tropical Breeze shampoo. Why is that, Hero?” Xiah’s face turned quite serious now. It was nothing like what one could witness during a countdown game at one of their concerts- no. Xiah had a fierce face that, when used in anger, could crumble the faces of Mount Rushmore (whatever that was; Micky told him that once) and prompt Siwon to make use of that Holy Water he kept in his pockets “just in case the Devil decides to show himself in the form of Heech- one of our members. Again.” (What the Hell went on in that dorm??!)
It was Hero’s turn to be frightened. “Uhh…” trapped, she stood up to walk to the door as an attempt to escape was now formulating in her head. Xiah was very, very protective of his imported tropical scented woman products toiletries.
As her dongsaeng pushed forward threateningly, the lead singer suddenly remembered what her purpose had been from earlier on in the day: Come Out to the Hyungs. And now, she had a way to get out of this.
“No, wait!” she screamed with arms raised defensively. “I have something to tell you!”
Xiah’s arms crossed in a “this-better-be-good” manner.
“Okay, here goes… my fellow DBSK member, my good, wonderful friend…”
“Out with it before I rip your spleen- yes, an organ from your body- out through your ear in payment. And I mean that literally. I would sell that spleen on the black market to pay for all of that shampoo you just wasted.”
Hero gulped. “Okay, okay! Xiah Junsu… I am now a girl.”
Xiah’s mouth dropped open. His eyes fluttered for a second before stopping completely, and the pupils followed a slow path to the back of his head.
And then he smiled. “Really? COOL! How? I’ve always wanted a girl friend! I mean- a female friend, not a- aish,” the younger concluded awkwardly in his verbal confusion. Like a child, he tugged on the woman’s arm, bouncing up and down slightly while causing the bed to creak and make sounds Hero immediately thought should only be made when two people were… (well, she ended up blushing due to that female pride again. That’s all that matters.)
Anyway, Hero was dead confused. This was definitely not the reaction she was expecting. “You’re- you’re not freaked out?” she asked dazedly. Xiah shook his head.
“Naw. So, what’s it like being a girl?” he asked curiously, gazing immediately at her chest.
Seeing as it had become instinct by this point, the lead singer shoved her hands over her womanly parts and thought about her friend’s question. “It’s… cleaner. I think I also gained a lot more bloodlust. I feel like strangling everything all the time. Is that normal?”
Xiah shrugged. “How would I know?”
Hero laughed. “How do you stay so calm in a situation like this? I mean, when I told Micky he told me I was crazy.”
“Ah, but you see, I’m his better half; I’m better with these kinds of things,” he responded with a wink.
(At this point, Hero decided without a doubt she was definitely concerned about Xiah’s life choices.)
“Yeah, that’s cool and all… but how do you just not question anything?” She really wanted to know. How can one person live so carefree and sickeningly happy?
“It’s simple,” Xiah answered and pointed to his head. “I believe everything everyone tells me,” he announced with a soft smile.
Hero put her head in her hands. “I bet you do,” she mumbled.
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Say, Xiah, what was that thing I said about Kenyan?”
The cheerful man smiled knowingly. “That it’s the pig-form of Korean. Ickmay eunay arangsay aeyohay!” he exclaimed. “Why do you ask?”
Hero sighed in utter disbelief. At the very least, (along with learning some very disturbing things about her dongsaeng), she had gotten him to forget all about the shampoo fiasco. Phew. “Not a thing, you amazing man, you,” she answered out loud, bringing a hand to pat her friend’s head slowly.
A rapping on the door brought her to attention. “Hyu~ng!” Max called out. “You’re awake now, I hear your voice! Please! I’m so hungry- Twix Bars and orange juice and fruit and cake and leftovers can only do so much for me! Can you-“
“YAH!” Hero shrieked and ran to open the door with a ferocious vigor. Although in her blind rage she missed the handle on the first try- slightly lessening the threat she was about to dish out- she opened the door nonetheless.
The look on Max’s face as she scowled at him showed he knew his decision was wrong to even go near the room, let alone ask that question. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he really wanted to go on a diet right now…
Hero felt new anger rise through her. “First of all, you ruined the nice bonding moment Xiah and I were having there!” A finger pointed to Xiah sitting on the woman’s bed, his eyes now attracted to something shiny on the floor. “Second of all,” she continued, “how dare you ask that, you uncaring goat!”
“Goat?” her dongsaeng asked, thrown off by the insult.
“Yes! As in an animal that eats anything and everything, always!” The shrieking was reaching a new tone Max had never heard before, something he liked to describe as the “Banshee” level. He was actually afraid his ears would begin bleeding if he didn’t shove his fingers in them, but right now he was a bit too afraid to move.
At that moment, the angry woman rushed into the hallway, ready to show the youngest the power of her annoyance in him, when Yunho stepped into the scene from the bathroom.
Waist clad in a white towel, his tanned skin pronounced due to the contrast. Bare-chested.
Silence ensued as the leader took in Max in the middle of a gangly, fearful sprint away from Hero; and Hero, mid-murder attempt.
Hero looked away from Yunho’s wet, glistening chest- ‘Oh, stop it, girl brain! It’s YUNHO, Damnit! We’re not moving into Micky and Xiah “friendship” boundaries, nu-uh. Lalalalala,’ she told herself- and cleared her throat loudly. Four times.
An awkward smile was plastered on her face, and she quickly wiped the trail of saliva that had appeared out of nowhere below her lips. “Yunho,” she began, “I can explain everything.”
“I didn’t know these packages came with stickers, too! Hyung, did you already use that keychain?” Xiah asked in the background holding Hero’s demonic package from Heechulsica, question directed at Yunho.
The leader looked at his best friend, trying to coax a smile out of himself as he realized Hero now knew she wasn’t the only one to get a package of goodies from the Super Junior dorms. “Hyung,” he said tentatively, “I can explain everything.”
A/N: Who else would love to be any one of the members in the final scene here? *raises hand* Yunho, wet, only in a towel? COME ON. That's what dreams are made of! XDD Anyway, tell me your theories on this story... lol I'm curious ^^
Comments keep me writing with enthusiastic insanity vigor!! ^^
<3 Plz and thank you =D