their bone structure screams; paper and tears.
jung yunho, his file at the police station is all filled up, they even had to buy a new file cabinet for him alone. he didn’t use to be a delinquent, he used to be a good person, a working member of society, of which who benefited the community. but his senior year of high school, the peer pressure finally kicked in, even though it was a bit late, it did more damage than anyone could think of.
(i’ll always be here by your side.)
yunho could see people looking around, he could see them staring at him and he knew that this time, it would be worse than the others. the cop cars are gradually catching up to him, and he decides it can’t go on any longer, his gas tank is almost on empty, so he gives up the chase and slowly walks out of his car. two cops run out of the car and three more are pointing guns at yunho’s head, just to be safe and shit.
jail, it has pretty much become his second home now. yunho looks around, and he just keeps reminding himself.
(it’s just three years. only three years.)
it’s finally the day of his release, and yunho thinks back at what made him become a criminal in the first place. he can’t remember, but he blames his high school friends first of all, because if he hadn’t caved into their peer pressure, he would have gone to the university of his choice and he would have majored in his best subject, but no, he was too weak back then.
so when yunho hands the warden his ‘get out of jail’ free card, yunho smiles and looks up at the sun. it’s too bright and yunho wants to destroy it. he walks to his apartment, it’s still empty and dusty, but it’s home now, and he’d like nothing better than this.
even though he’s out of jail, he still needs to finish up his community service hours, but yunho just looks through his bank account, the money is still there, so he pays off the community hours and goes on with his life.
yunho decides that he can’t live off his dead father’s money any longer, so he gets a job, or at least, he wants to get a job. but who in their right mind would hire an ex-convict.
(but all i want to hear is the message beep.)
he knows that sometimes, life may not make sense, but he’ll get through it, he hopes.
yunho goes out to the pharmacy, but he takes a detour. an alleyway, a drug trafficker, and five hundred dollars. yunho runs back to his apartment with a large black bag of who knows what, and the man in the alleyway can be seen walking away counting the bills.
(everything is just starting to fall apart.)
all he does these days is sit in his apartment, with the windows closed and covered. the smoke is a little to thick, but yunho can’t even pay attention to that. he doesn’t even know he’s crying, he doesn’t even know he’s laughing, he can’t even tell how bad his life has become.
but one day, yunho takes the initiative. he cleans up his act and joins a help group. a fat man, a whore, a man who looked like a retard clown, a teenager, a pregnant teenager, a widow, and a man who looked to be around his age.
yunho looks at their expressions, and he knows he feels the same as them, as do they.
they take turns introducing themselves, and the man sitting next to yunho is named jaejoong, and yunho smiles inward.
‘i’m yunho.’
yunho starts with his story and by the end, the two teenagers are crying and the whore’s mascara is dripping horribly. yunho turns his head and looks at jaejoong, a tear falls. all their lives are so miserable, but the man on the white chair is quite cheerful, and it just pisses yunho off. the man on the white chair just keeps telling them it’ll all be alright and they’ll get through this.
time is up for this week’s session, so they all stand up and fold the chairs back and lean them up against the wall. jaejoong walks out and leans his back against the cement-but-kinda-ish-brick wall. jaejoong pulls out a small plastic baggie and he starts rolling paper, yunho runs over to him and slaps it out of his hand. jaejoong looks down, his fringe is covering his eyes just slightly, but yunho can tell that he’s crying.
‘you don’t want to do that.’
jaejoong turns his head upward and he eyes look to sad, yunho just wants to cry with him.
‘and why don’t i? my life isn’t even worth living anymore, this is the only thing i can do to make myself forget what a worthless person i am. it’s the only thing that keeps me sane; the only that makes me happy.’
yunho wraps his arms around jaejoong’s shoulders and pull him in close. jaejoong, just slightly startled, drops his bag, and yunho can hear the glass break. jaejoong starts crying even harder and he hides his face in yunho’s shoulder. yunho decides that he has to become stronger, because he needs to protect jaejoong.
‘do you have a place to go?’
jaejoong shakes his head and looks down once more.
‘i don’t have a home, my family died in a car crash, in the car i was driving.’
yunho’s eyes widen and he tried to keep the waterworks back, but jaejoong’s story reminds him a little of himself, so yunho can feel for him.
‘would you like to come to my place, it’s a bit small and empty, but i’d love for you to move it.’
‘don’t have any money though, i can’t afford to pay you rent.’
yunho smiles slowly walks over to jaejoong and envelops him in an embrace, but this one feels different than the last one. jaejoong feels like he’s felt this warmth before, and he remembers. his mother’s hugs felt like this, full of love, but with the slightest bit of sadness. jaejoong’s arms are hanging down, he can’t bring them up to hug yunho back, but yunho doesn’t care, he just wants to show jaejoong that he’s not alone in this.
‘don’t worry, i’ll pay for everything.’
yunho takes a step back and holds his hand out for jaejoong to hold. jaejoong hesitates for a second or two, but he smiles softly and takes yunho’s hand. neither of them have a car, but they could care less, it’s easier to talk when walking. yunho tells jaejoong his entire story, starting from when it all started, until now. jaejoong bits his lip and wipes away the tears before yunho can notice, but he already did.
they get to yunho’s apartment and jaejoong knows what he means by ‘empty’. there’s no furniture around, just a pile of blankets and two comforters. jaejoong walks over to the kitchen and opens a cabinet, bottles of wine and beer. jaejoong leaves the cabinet open and yunho walks over, his head hung down low.
‘i’ve stopped, really.’
‘i’d like to believe you, i really would.’
jaejoong finds a black bag on the titled floor and puts all the bottles into it, he turns open the doorknob to the hallway to throw this all away, but yunho stops him.
‘what do you think you’re doing?’
jaejoong leaves his hand on yunho’s chest and he can feel yunho’s heartbeat.
‘we’re going to help each other, and this is the first step.’
jaejoong walks out down the hallway to the dumpster and yunho smiles.
it’s been a week after jaejoong moved in, and their lives are better, not by much, but they promised to help each other, and that promise hasn’t been broken yet.
(don’t you cry, everything’s gon’ be alright.)
jaejoong comes home one day to see yunho leaning on the table, with something white on the table. yunho’s holding a blade and jaejoong slaps it out of his hand and yunho’s eyes are red.
‘i…i…couldn’t stop myself.’
jaejoong drops the grocery bags and embraces yunho, he rubs yunho’s back and comforts him, something only jaejoong can do. yunho lets it all out and jaejoong knows it hurts, but they’ll get through this with each other by their sides.
another week or two has gone by like a whirlwind, yunho hasn’t even noticed what jaejoong’s been doing every night. until one night, he comes home from work, sees jaejoong with a glass pipe in his hand, and a plastic baggie in his left hand. yunho stands, towering over jaejoong’s sitting form, and jaejoong is too high to notice how sad and angry yunho is.
‘i thought we were going to help each other.’
jaejoong laughs, he can’t even tell that hot tears are rolling down his cold cheeks, it burns and jaejoong doesn’t even notice.
(as high as a kite, just fall back down.)
yunho grabs the pipe and the baggie out of his hands and jaejoong suddenly becomes angry. he stands up and holds a switchblade to yunho’s neck.
‘give that back, you don’t want to provoke me.’
yunho doesn’t show far and he grabs the blade and cuts his neck, the blood comes rushing down, but it’s nothing much, just a bandage slap and it’ll heal.
‘go ahead jaejoong, kill me, but do you have the strength to?’
jaejoong looks at the blood and yunho’s expression, he’s fucking serious, if he wants to kill him, he’d better do it now. jaejoong drops the blade and drops his knees to the floor. yunho kneels down and kisses his forehead. jaejoong stands up and walks over to the bathroom, and opens the medicine cabinet, and he pulls out a bandage and gently applies it to yunho’s wound. yunho smiles and jaejoong walks away with sadness in his eyes, on his face, and in his heart.
a month now, and neither of them have started again, not after that night. yunho’s completely sober, after jaejoong threw away all his booze, and jaejoong’s completely sane, without the drugs. the both of them are sitting on the couch and yunho’s hand is wrapped around jaejoong’s frame. jaejoong grabs the popcorn bowl from yunho’s lap and he smiles. yunho turns his head and leans down to jaejoong. he’s eyes are dark and jaejoong can feel his heart beating harshly.
‘can i kiss you?’
jaejoong nods and they both lean into each other. they’ve loved each other, but neither of them would admit. jaejoong wakes up and the bed is empty, yunho’s nowhere in sight. jaejoong panics a bit and he climbs onto the roof, yunho’s sitting there with a glass of warm milk.
‘why are you sitting up here to early in the morning?’
yunho doesn’t turn his head, but he smiles and jaejoong sits right next to him. yunho wraps his blanket around jaejoong and himself and jaejoong rests his head on yunho’s shoulder.
‘i wanted to watch the sunrise.’
‘and you didn’t even wake me up?’
‘no, i didn’t.’,
and jaejoong frowns a bit, but yunho keeps smiling.
‘because i know that you’d find me up here.’
and jaejoong’s heart softens.
jaejoong and yunho look ahead and the sun slowly comes up, to start a new day. such a breathtaking sight.
(i’ll always be here by your side.)
yunho could see people looking around, he could see them staring at him and he knew that this time, it would be worse than the others. the cop cars are gradually catching up to him, and he decides it can’t go on any longer, his gas tank is almost on empty, so he gives up the chase and slowly walks out of his car. two cops run out of the car and three more are pointing guns at yunho’s head, just to be safe and shit.
jail, it has pretty much become his second home now. yunho looks around, and he just keeps reminding himself.
(it’s just three years. only three years.)
it’s finally the day of his release, and yunho thinks back at what made him become a criminal in the first place. he can’t remember, but he blames his high school friends first of all, because if he hadn’t caved into their peer pressure, he would have gone to the university of his choice and he would have majored in his best subject, but no, he was too weak back then.
so when yunho hands the warden his ‘get out of jail’ free card, yunho smiles and looks up at the sun. it’s too bright and yunho wants to destroy it. he walks to his apartment, it’s still empty and dusty, but it’s home now, and he’d like nothing better than this.
even though he’s out of jail, he still needs to finish up his community service hours, but yunho just looks through his bank account, the money is still there, so he pays off the community hours and goes on with his life.
yunho decides that he can’t live off his dead father’s money any longer, so he gets a job, or at least, he wants to get a job. but who in their right mind would hire an ex-convict.
(but all i want to hear is the message beep.)
he knows that sometimes, life may not make sense, but he’ll get through it, he hopes.
yunho goes out to the pharmacy, but he takes a detour. an alleyway, a drug trafficker, and five hundred dollars. yunho runs back to his apartment with a large black bag of who knows what, and the man in the alleyway can be seen walking away counting the bills.
(everything is just starting to fall apart.)
all he does these days is sit in his apartment, with the windows closed and covered. the smoke is a little to thick, but yunho can’t even pay attention to that. he doesn’t even know he’s crying, he doesn’t even know he’s laughing, he can’t even tell how bad his life has become.
but one day, yunho takes the initiative. he cleans up his act and joins a help group. a fat man, a whore, a man who looked like a retard clown, a teenager, a pregnant teenager, a widow, and a man who looked to be around his age.
yunho looks at their expressions, and he knows he feels the same as them, as do they.
they take turns introducing themselves, and the man sitting next to yunho is named jaejoong, and yunho smiles inward.
‘i’m yunho.’
yunho starts with his story and by the end, the two teenagers are crying and the whore’s mascara is dripping horribly. yunho turns his head and looks at jaejoong, a tear falls. all their lives are so miserable, but the man on the white chair is quite cheerful, and it just pisses yunho off. the man on the white chair just keeps telling them it’ll all be alright and they’ll get through this.
time is up for this week’s session, so they all stand up and fold the chairs back and lean them up against the wall. jaejoong walks out and leans his back against the cement-but-kinda-ish-brick wall. jaejoong pulls out a small plastic baggie and he starts rolling paper, yunho runs over to him and slaps it out of his hand. jaejoong looks down, his fringe is covering his eyes just slightly, but yunho can tell that he’s crying.
‘you don’t want to do that.’
jaejoong turns his head upward and he eyes look to sad, yunho just wants to cry with him.
‘and why don’t i? my life isn’t even worth living anymore, this is the only thing i can do to make myself forget what a worthless person i am. it’s the only thing that keeps me sane; the only that makes me happy.’
yunho wraps his arms around jaejoong’s shoulders and pull him in close. jaejoong, just slightly startled, drops his bag, and yunho can hear the glass break. jaejoong starts crying even harder and he hides his face in yunho’s shoulder. yunho decides that he has to become stronger, because he needs to protect jaejoong.
‘do you have a place to go?’
jaejoong shakes his head and looks down once more.
‘i don’t have a home, my family died in a car crash, in the car i was driving.’
yunho’s eyes widen and he tried to keep the waterworks back, but jaejoong’s story reminds him a little of himself, so yunho can feel for him.
‘would you like to come to my place, it’s a bit small and empty, but i’d love for you to move it.’
‘don’t have any money though, i can’t afford to pay you rent.’
yunho smiles slowly walks over to jaejoong and envelops him in an embrace, but this one feels different than the last one. jaejoong feels like he’s felt this warmth before, and he remembers. his mother’s hugs felt like this, full of love, but with the slightest bit of sadness. jaejoong’s arms are hanging down, he can’t bring them up to hug yunho back, but yunho doesn’t care, he just wants to show jaejoong that he’s not alone in this.
‘don’t worry, i’ll pay for everything.’
yunho takes a step back and holds his hand out for jaejoong to hold. jaejoong hesitates for a second or two, but he smiles softly and takes yunho’s hand. neither of them have a car, but they could care less, it’s easier to talk when walking. yunho tells jaejoong his entire story, starting from when it all started, until now. jaejoong bits his lip and wipes away the tears before yunho can notice, but he already did.
they get to yunho’s apartment and jaejoong knows what he means by ‘empty’. there’s no furniture around, just a pile of blankets and two comforters. jaejoong walks over to the kitchen and opens a cabinet, bottles of wine and beer. jaejoong leaves the cabinet open and yunho walks over, his head hung down low.
‘i’ve stopped, really.’
‘i’d like to believe you, i really would.’
jaejoong finds a black bag on the titled floor and puts all the bottles into it, he turns open the doorknob to the hallway to throw this all away, but yunho stops him.
‘what do you think you’re doing?’
jaejoong leaves his hand on yunho’s chest and he can feel yunho’s heartbeat.
‘we’re going to help each other, and this is the first step.’
jaejoong walks out down the hallway to the dumpster and yunho smiles.
it’s been a week after jaejoong moved in, and their lives are better, not by much, but they promised to help each other, and that promise hasn’t been broken yet.
(don’t you cry, everything’s gon’ be alright.)
jaejoong comes home one day to see yunho leaning on the table, with something white on the table. yunho’s holding a blade and jaejoong slaps it out of his hand and yunho’s eyes are red.
‘i…i…couldn’t stop myself.’
jaejoong drops the grocery bags and embraces yunho, he rubs yunho’s back and comforts him, something only jaejoong can do. yunho lets it all out and jaejoong knows it hurts, but they’ll get through this with each other by their sides.
another week or two has gone by like a whirlwind, yunho hasn’t even noticed what jaejoong’s been doing every night. until one night, he comes home from work, sees jaejoong with a glass pipe in his hand, and a plastic baggie in his left hand. yunho stands, towering over jaejoong’s sitting form, and jaejoong is too high to notice how sad and angry yunho is.
‘i thought we were going to help each other.’
jaejoong laughs, he can’t even tell that hot tears are rolling down his cold cheeks, it burns and jaejoong doesn’t even notice.
(as high as a kite, just fall back down.)
yunho grabs the pipe and the baggie out of his hands and jaejoong suddenly becomes angry. he stands up and holds a switchblade to yunho’s neck.
‘give that back, you don’t want to provoke me.’
yunho doesn’t show far and he grabs the blade and cuts his neck, the blood comes rushing down, but it’s nothing much, just a bandage slap and it’ll heal.
‘go ahead jaejoong, kill me, but do you have the strength to?’
jaejoong looks at the blood and yunho’s expression, he’s fucking serious, if he wants to kill him, he’d better do it now. jaejoong drops the blade and drops his knees to the floor. yunho kneels down and kisses his forehead. jaejoong stands up and walks over to the bathroom, and opens the medicine cabinet, and he pulls out a bandage and gently applies it to yunho’s wound. yunho smiles and jaejoong walks away with sadness in his eyes, on his face, and in his heart.
a month now, and neither of them have started again, not after that night. yunho’s completely sober, after jaejoong threw away all his booze, and jaejoong’s completely sane, without the drugs. the both of them are sitting on the couch and yunho’s hand is wrapped around jaejoong’s frame. jaejoong grabs the popcorn bowl from yunho’s lap and he smiles. yunho turns his head and leans down to jaejoong. he’s eyes are dark and jaejoong can feel his heart beating harshly.
‘can i kiss you?’
jaejoong nods and they both lean into each other. they’ve loved each other, but neither of them would admit. jaejoong wakes up and the bed is empty, yunho’s nowhere in sight. jaejoong panics a bit and he climbs onto the roof, yunho’s sitting there with a glass of warm milk.
‘why are you sitting up here to early in the morning?’
yunho doesn’t turn his head, but he smiles and jaejoong sits right next to him. yunho wraps his blanket around jaejoong and himself and jaejoong rests his head on yunho’s shoulder.
‘i wanted to watch the sunrise.’
‘and you didn’t even wake me up?’
‘no, i didn’t.’,
and jaejoong frowns a bit, but yunho keeps smiling.
‘because i know that you’d find me up here.’
and jaejoong’s heart softens.
jaejoong and yunho look ahead and the sun slowly comes up, to start a new day. such a breathtaking sight.