cry and die; for me, it's you, just us.
Yoochun’s been around, no, not the world, he’s been around. Nightclubs, bars, you name, he’s gone there. He’s not sure if he believes in love because he always thought that love and sex was the same thing, if you have sex, then you have love; if you have love, then you have sex. Yoochun’s parents raised him like a whore; Yoochun never disagreed though, seeing as he no say in any of it.
{C}{C}{C}
He’s twenty-three years young now, and he’s part of Asia’s number boy group. Even though his members know about him, nobody else does, not even his manager.
“Fuck Yoochun! You’re so fucking tight!”
Yoochun groaned at the thrust and tears came rolling down his cheeks in fat, ugly blobs. He writhed under the older man as he was being mercilessly pounded into, and once again, Yoochun had no say in anything.
With one last grunt and tear down his pink cheeks, Yunho fell onto Yoochun’s pale body, his sweat shimmering in the moonlight.
“That was nice Yoochun.”
Yunho chuckled and threw a couple of bills at Yoochun.
He looked at the money on his bed, about twenty dollars he’d say. Yoochun only brought his hands to his face and sobbed violently, the fat, ugly blobs flowing down his cheek endlessly. Yoochun curled up into a ball and wept until he fell asleep from exhaustion.
They were in a press conference talking about and explaining the concept of their newest album when Junsu suddenly started stroking Yoochun’s inner thigh, making the older band mate’s face contort. Junsu grinned and whispered something to their manager and without a second’s notice; Yoochun was being dragged off by the wrist, the reporters and photographers with questioning looks on their faces. Changmin brought the microphone to his mouth and explained that Yoochun and Junsu had another schedule to take care of.
Jaejoong looked at Changmin with a suspicious look on his face, but only shrugged and began answering questions left and right.
Yunho looked down at his palm and sighed heavily, he never meant for this to happen.
Junsu pushed Yoochun up against the restroom mirror and pulled down his slacks, Yoochun’s erection showing in the glassy reflection. Junsu smirked and turned Yoochun around, so he would be able to see his own expression while Junsu thrust into him.
Yoochun’s eyes welled up and moans echoing throughout the empty stalls.
Junsu pulled out and threw a twenty dollar bill at Yoochun, his body lying lifelessly on the sink counter. Junsu smiled and waved by for he took his leave.
Yoochun didn’t get up, he was waiting for something, but he didn’t know what it was.
As Yoochun got up from the counter and walked over to their van, he saw Changmin leaning against the wall. Yoochun only dropped his head; he didn’t want Changmin to see him like this.
Yoochun took his usual seat next to Junsu and Junsu shifted closer to the older man, he whispered something into Yoochun’s ear and his could feel the tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.
“Yoochun, I love you, you know that right?”
Junsu grasped Yoochun’s arm and Yoochun rested his head on Junsu’s shoulder. Junsu looked on with adoring eyes, but he knew that this wasn’t supposed to happen.
Yunho turned his head and glanced at Jaejoong, the older band mate sleeping soundlessly, resting his head on the window. Yunho knew he had to make this right; it shouldn’t have been this way. He dropped his head and stared at his shoes.
“Junsu, you and Yunho that it’s not supposed to end up like this, right? You’re ruining his only chance.”
Donghae stared at the two of them, he wanted to help Yoochun, he wanted to help him so badly, but he can’t, not like this.
“We know Donghae, trust me, we know better than anyone.”
“Then why do you keep doing this? And Junsu, you say you love him, but what do you really feel?”
“I do love him Donghae!”
“Junsu! Don’t play dumb, we all know it, it’s just that you keep running away from the truth. You say you love him, but you’re only hurting him.”
Yunho put a comforting hand on Junsu’s shoulder and he burst out into tears, he hid his face in Yunho’s chest and Donghae was glad he finally realized his feelings.
“It’s okay Junsu.”
Donghae rubbed circles on Junsu’s back and Junsu knew that it was a love nurtured from pity. Junsu knew it the entire time, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself, much less to Yoochun. He wiped the tears away and tired calling Yoochun, he had to tell him.
“He’s not picking up.”
Yunho shut his eyelids and shook his head furiously, it couldn’t be like this; it shouldn’t have.
Jaejoong grabbed Yoochun’s wrist and twisted it, a plea of mercy from Yoochun made Jaejoong even more excited. He ripped off Yoochun’s tee and before he noticed, Jaejoong was entering Yoochun, blood and screams of mercy not doing anything to still Jaejoong, he thrust up into Yoochun without preparation and tears flowed Yoochun’s face, this time in slender lines.
Yoochun’s came with a dry sob as Jaejoong pulled out ever so slowly, Yoochun’s body falling to the floor of their training room. Jaejoong grinned and threw some bills at Yoochun; he winked and made his way out.
Yoochun stared the wall mirror in front of him, he could see his puffy, red eyes, he could see the tears flowing down his cheeks with no end, and he could see a broken Park Yoochun. Yoochun didn’t get up; he was still waiting for something.
Jaejoong walked down the hallway to their apartment and saw Yunho walking the opposite way, Jaejoong felt something tug hard at his heartstrings, but he only ignored the strained feeling and kept walking.
Their leader lifted his head up and saw Jaejoong, he knew what had happened.
Yunho walked up a little faster and stopped when they were shoulder to shoulder.
“Why Jaejoong?”
“Because you ignore me.”
“That’s not true!”
“In what way is it not true? Huh?! Tell me so I can know Yunho!”
Jaejoong sobbed and his knees dropped to the floor, he brought his hands to his face and Yunho felt that same pain Jaejoong felt. He kneeled down and pulled the older man into an embrace.
Jaejoong looked up in confusion.
“It’s because I love you, that we can’t be together.”
“How does that make any sense?”
Jaejoong was able to whisper out through strained tears.
“To me, it makes all the sense in the world.”
Yunho put his hand n Jaejoong‘s cheek and wiped away a tear before wrapping his arms around Jaejoong’s waist and finally accepting his feelings. Jaejoong knew what this meant, and he was glad. Yunho brought his lips to Jaejoong’s and Jaejoong put his arm around Yunho’s neck.
Donghae was standing behind the wall and nodded his head, he was glad that finally those two had figured it out.
“Why are you so happy Donghae?”
Donghae opened his eyes and saw Hyukjae; he only smiled and twirled around.
“Oh, nothing.”
Donghae giggled and entwined his arm with Hyukjae’s. Hyukjae smiled before walking down the hallway to the elevator, linking arms with Donghae.
Changmin was walking to the living room to see Jaejoong, Yunho, and Junsu huddled up in a circle.
“What are you guys doing?”
“Shim Changmin you! Sit down; we need to have a talk.”
Changmin set his mug of morning java on the table and took a seat on the carpet. He could feel their gazes on him; a chill ran up his spine.
“Changmin, I know.”
Changmin looked up at their leader and saw his eyes filled with sorrow. Changmin knew what he was talking about, but he didn’t want to say it.
“Know what?”
“Changmin, don’t play stupid.”
Changmin could feel his eyes tearing up but his bit his lip in an attempt to stop him. Changmin nodded and stood up, forgetting his coffee on the table.
Junsu looked at his hand and he remembered seeing Yoochun’s broken form. Jaejoong and Yunho saw it also, but they knew they had to stay strong. If anyone could do this, it was Changmin. Even though Jaejoong and Junsu didn’t know, Yunho knew, but then he was the leader, he had to know everything.
“Yoochun, you love him, don’t you?”
“Do I? Really…?”
Yunho stared at Yoochun standing out on the veranda with a cancer stick between his fingers, the smoke slowing mixing in with the night air. It was his third one that night.
“Yoochun, don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“What about you Yunho? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Aren’t you tired of never looking at him, haven’t you ever seen how he looks at you?”
“Same goes for you Yoochun, haven’t you ever seen Changmin look at you with such pain in his eyes?”
“I guess we should both take each other’s advice, huh?”
Yunho chuckled and gave Yoochun a peck on the lips, the nicotine leaving a lingering odor on his shirt.
“I guess that’ll be our last kiss, won’t it?”
“I suppose so.”
Yunho smiled and walked back into the living room, he needed to talk with Changmin. Yoochun stared at Yunho’s back and deep inside, he hoped that Jaejoong would realize it too. Yoochun inhaled one last time for the night before crushing it against his palm, the ash burned deep into his skin.
Changmin walked over to Yoochun’s room and knocked softly on the door. He didn’t hear Yoochun say anything so he invited himself in, he turned the knob and saw Yoochun sitting at the foot of his bed, black tears streaking his face.
He walked deeper into Yoochun’s room and saw him holding something in his hand, Changmin eyed it closely and saw a little glass heart, he was surprised at its color, he thought it would be red, but in fact, it was an array of colors. Part of it was orange, part of it was sky blue, there was a splash of purple, and a tint of red.
Yoochun brought his hand up and looked at the heart, it was so ugly, he couldn’t bear to look at it any longer.
Yoochun threw the heart to the floor and it shatter, startling Changmin. The shards of purple and orange scattering across the floor.
“Did you know that I love you, Changmin?”
“Did you know that I love you, Yoochun?”
“Then why don’t you ever have the fortitude to catch me when I’m falling, or why don’t you ever have the guts to save me?”
“Then let me ask you something Yoochun, why did I see you whore yourself out with Yunho, Jaejoong, and Junsu? Answer that for me?”
“Oh, are you jealous Changmin?”
Yoochun kept his gaze focused on the sky blue shard, light reflecting on the adjacent wall, it looked like a star.
“And what if I am?”
“If you’re jealous over that,”
“Then we must be in love.”
Changmin smiled and held his hand out for Yoochun, Yoochun’s heart smiled at the gesture and he grasped Changmin’s hand.
‘Let’s stay together, always.’
The pain of tomorrow will always be there, but at least I have someone to go through it with.
A/N: not my best work, but whatever, I was in my school's library and decided to type this. my writing sucks ass and I might be deleting this journal. just a heads up.
{C}{C}{C}
He’s twenty-three years young now, and he’s part of Asia’s number boy group. Even though his members know about him, nobody else does, not even his manager.
“Fuck Yoochun! You’re so fucking tight!”
Yoochun groaned at the thrust and tears came rolling down his cheeks in fat, ugly blobs. He writhed under the older man as he was being mercilessly pounded into, and once again, Yoochun had no say in anything.
With one last grunt and tear down his pink cheeks, Yunho fell onto Yoochun’s pale body, his sweat shimmering in the moonlight.
“That was nice Yoochun.”
Yunho chuckled and threw a couple of bills at Yoochun.
He looked at the money on his bed, about twenty dollars he’d say. Yoochun only brought his hands to his face and sobbed violently, the fat, ugly blobs flowing down his cheek endlessly. Yoochun curled up into a ball and wept until he fell asleep from exhaustion.
They were in a press conference talking about and explaining the concept of their newest album when Junsu suddenly started stroking Yoochun’s inner thigh, making the older band mate’s face contort. Junsu grinned and whispered something to their manager and without a second’s notice; Yoochun was being dragged off by the wrist, the reporters and photographers with questioning looks on their faces. Changmin brought the microphone to his mouth and explained that Yoochun and Junsu had another schedule to take care of.
Jaejoong looked at Changmin with a suspicious look on his face, but only shrugged and began answering questions left and right.
Yunho looked down at his palm and sighed heavily, he never meant for this to happen.
Junsu pushed Yoochun up against the restroom mirror and pulled down his slacks, Yoochun’s erection showing in the glassy reflection. Junsu smirked and turned Yoochun around, so he would be able to see his own expression while Junsu thrust into him.
Yoochun’s eyes welled up and moans echoing throughout the empty stalls.
Junsu pulled out and threw a twenty dollar bill at Yoochun, his body lying lifelessly on the sink counter. Junsu smiled and waved by for he took his leave.
Yoochun didn’t get up, he was waiting for something, but he didn’t know what it was.
As Yoochun got up from the counter and walked over to their van, he saw Changmin leaning against the wall. Yoochun only dropped his head; he didn’t want Changmin to see him like this.
Yoochun took his usual seat next to Junsu and Junsu shifted closer to the older man, he whispered something into Yoochun’s ear and his could feel the tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.
“Yoochun, I love you, you know that right?”
Junsu grasped Yoochun’s arm and Yoochun rested his head on Junsu’s shoulder. Junsu looked on with adoring eyes, but he knew that this wasn’t supposed to happen.
Yunho turned his head and glanced at Jaejoong, the older band mate sleeping soundlessly, resting his head on the window. Yunho knew he had to make this right; it shouldn’t have been this way. He dropped his head and stared at his shoes.
“Junsu, you and Yunho that it’s not supposed to end up like this, right? You’re ruining his only chance.”
Donghae stared at the two of them, he wanted to help Yoochun, he wanted to help him so badly, but he can’t, not like this.
“We know Donghae, trust me, we know better than anyone.”
“Then why do you keep doing this? And Junsu, you say you love him, but what do you really feel?”
“I do love him Donghae!”
“Junsu! Don’t play dumb, we all know it, it’s just that you keep running away from the truth. You say you love him, but you’re only hurting him.”
Yunho put a comforting hand on Junsu’s shoulder and he burst out into tears, he hid his face in Yunho’s chest and Donghae was glad he finally realized his feelings.
“It’s okay Junsu.”
Donghae rubbed circles on Junsu’s back and Junsu knew that it was a love nurtured from pity. Junsu knew it the entire time, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself, much less to Yoochun. He wiped the tears away and tired calling Yoochun, he had to tell him.
“He’s not picking up.”
Yunho shut his eyelids and shook his head furiously, it couldn’t be like this; it shouldn’t have.
Jaejoong grabbed Yoochun’s wrist and twisted it, a plea of mercy from Yoochun made Jaejoong even more excited. He ripped off Yoochun’s tee and before he noticed, Jaejoong was entering Yoochun, blood and screams of mercy not doing anything to still Jaejoong, he thrust up into Yoochun without preparation and tears flowed Yoochun’s face, this time in slender lines.
Yoochun’s came with a dry sob as Jaejoong pulled out ever so slowly, Yoochun’s body falling to the floor of their training room. Jaejoong grinned and threw some bills at Yoochun; he winked and made his way out.
Yoochun stared the wall mirror in front of him, he could see his puffy, red eyes, he could see the tears flowing down his cheeks with no end, and he could see a broken Park Yoochun. Yoochun didn’t get up; he was still waiting for something.
Jaejoong walked down the hallway to their apartment and saw Yunho walking the opposite way, Jaejoong felt something tug hard at his heartstrings, but he only ignored the strained feeling and kept walking.
Their leader lifted his head up and saw Jaejoong, he knew what had happened.
Yunho walked up a little faster and stopped when they were shoulder to shoulder.
“Why Jaejoong?”
“Because you ignore me.”
“That’s not true!”
“In what way is it not true? Huh?! Tell me so I can know Yunho!”
Jaejoong sobbed and his knees dropped to the floor, he brought his hands to his face and Yunho felt that same pain Jaejoong felt. He kneeled down and pulled the older man into an embrace.
Jaejoong looked up in confusion.
“It’s because I love you, that we can’t be together.”
“How does that make any sense?”
Jaejoong was able to whisper out through strained tears.
“To me, it makes all the sense in the world.”
Yunho put his hand n Jaejoong‘s cheek and wiped away a tear before wrapping his arms around Jaejoong’s waist and finally accepting his feelings. Jaejoong knew what this meant, and he was glad. Yunho brought his lips to Jaejoong’s and Jaejoong put his arm around Yunho’s neck.
Donghae was standing behind the wall and nodded his head, he was glad that finally those two had figured it out.
“Why are you so happy Donghae?”
Donghae opened his eyes and saw Hyukjae; he only smiled and twirled around.
“Oh, nothing.”
Donghae giggled and entwined his arm with Hyukjae’s. Hyukjae smiled before walking down the hallway to the elevator, linking arms with Donghae.
Changmin was walking to the living room to see Jaejoong, Yunho, and Junsu huddled up in a circle.
“What are you guys doing?”
“Shim Changmin you! Sit down; we need to have a talk.”
Changmin set his mug of morning java on the table and took a seat on the carpet. He could feel their gazes on him; a chill ran up his spine.
“Changmin, I know.”
Changmin looked up at their leader and saw his eyes filled with sorrow. Changmin knew what he was talking about, but he didn’t want to say it.
“Know what?”
“Changmin, don’t play stupid.”
Changmin could feel his eyes tearing up but his bit his lip in an attempt to stop him. Changmin nodded and stood up, forgetting his coffee on the table.
Junsu looked at his hand and he remembered seeing Yoochun’s broken form. Jaejoong and Yunho saw it also, but they knew they had to stay strong. If anyone could do this, it was Changmin. Even though Jaejoong and Junsu didn’t know, Yunho knew, but then he was the leader, he had to know everything.
“Yoochun, you love him, don’t you?”
“Do I? Really…?”
Yunho stared at Yoochun standing out on the veranda with a cancer stick between his fingers, the smoke slowing mixing in with the night air. It was his third one that night.
“Yoochun, don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“What about you Yunho? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Aren’t you tired of never looking at him, haven’t you ever seen how he looks at you?”
“Same goes for you Yoochun, haven’t you ever seen Changmin look at you with such pain in his eyes?”
“I guess we should both take each other’s advice, huh?”
Yunho chuckled and gave Yoochun a peck on the lips, the nicotine leaving a lingering odor on his shirt.
“I guess that’ll be our last kiss, won’t it?”
“I suppose so.”
Yunho smiled and walked back into the living room, he needed to talk with Changmin. Yoochun stared at Yunho’s back and deep inside, he hoped that Jaejoong would realize it too. Yoochun inhaled one last time for the night before crushing it against his palm, the ash burned deep into his skin.
Changmin walked over to Yoochun’s room and knocked softly on the door. He didn’t hear Yoochun say anything so he invited himself in, he turned the knob and saw Yoochun sitting at the foot of his bed, black tears streaking his face.
He walked deeper into Yoochun’s room and saw him holding something in his hand, Changmin eyed it closely and saw a little glass heart, he was surprised at its color, he thought it would be red, but in fact, it was an array of colors. Part of it was orange, part of it was sky blue, there was a splash of purple, and a tint of red.
Yoochun brought his hand up and looked at the heart, it was so ugly, he couldn’t bear to look at it any longer.
Yoochun threw the heart to the floor and it shatter, startling Changmin. The shards of purple and orange scattering across the floor.
“Did you know that I love you, Changmin?”
“Did you know that I love you, Yoochun?”
“Then why don’t you ever have the fortitude to catch me when I’m falling, or why don’t you ever have the guts to save me?”
“Then let me ask you something Yoochun, why did I see you whore yourself out with Yunho, Jaejoong, and Junsu? Answer that for me?”
“Oh, are you jealous Changmin?”
Yoochun kept his gaze focused on the sky blue shard, light reflecting on the adjacent wall, it looked like a star.
“And what if I am?”
“If you’re jealous over that,”
“Then we must be in love.”
Changmin smiled and held his hand out for Yoochun, Yoochun’s heart smiled at the gesture and he grasped Changmin’s hand.
‘Let’s stay together, always.’
The pain of tomorrow will always be there, but at least I have someone to go through it with.
A/N: not my best work, but whatever, I was in my school's library and decided to type this. my writing sucks ass and I might be deleting this journal. just a heads up.