(no subject)
Hey there...OK...So...I did it...I talked to Deven...He understands...NOT! Well..this is what happened.......:
I first wrote him a letter and slid it under his door when he wasn't at home and I told him to call me if he wanted to talk about it...of course he did..he's Deven!!! So when he called he said so...you want some time away from me? What exactly does that mean? And that started the conversation where we talked about God and my beliefs and his beliefs and sex and being myself around him and how he says I am not myself around others...and being a Christian just isn't me or my personality...UM OK?!I told him that I started to fall back in love with him and I didn't want to get hurt and that everything we did is against my beliefs and it isn't helping me become closer to God...he said OK fine...Jessica you are my best friend i don't want to lose you...I don't need the physical stuff but I do need you in my life. I was like oh....ok ...What was I supposed to say? OH well find another best friend?! How messed up would that have been? Anyways..so..we are still talking and hanging out but no more physical..that's what I thought we had agreed on until today when he called me...He asked me if I wanted to spend the night...I was like no he said why i said did you not understand anything we talked about yesterday? He said yeah of course I did...I was like whatever...obviously you didnt or youd know I wont and cant do that...he said we dont have to get naked i said i wouldnt do that anyways..he said why..i said are you being dumb? he said why? i said we talked about all this yesterday he said so. I GOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD AT HIM!
I am really mad at my mom now too...I am 18 right? So why do I still feel the need to ask my parents for persmission to go somewhere?! It is 845 and I am stuck inside the house for the rest of the night because my mom says I am tired and should go to bed early tonight..yeah i was tired before dinner but i am not tired right now..i havent been tired for at least 2 hours or i would be in bed right now...i should just leave right now and not come back till tomorrow...what could she do? im 18...she frusturates me so much...i cant wait until i go away to college...i am sorry if any of this is disobeying my parents...but its hard to obey them 100% when they are sooooo hard headed and stubborn and dont understand you. How many more months until spring?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Until later take care and God bless...I love you all and hope you are doing better than I am!!!! XXOO