i'm not sure
okay so last night's dream was very odd as well. i was in a very large and open modern art museum with white walls, light hardwood floors, and super high ceilings where hung the biggest mobiles ever, they were made out of curved blue glass. There were DaVinci artifacts on display but i was running around trying to find sianna because i had lost her in there. i moved into a dark room and something very strange happened. someone seemed to touch me and i felt like someone died and was trying to tell me something very complicated but very simple at the same time. it was soemthing liek that mary chapin carpenter song: they said something to the effect of "why walk when you can fly?" so i got out of that dark room and started to fly while searching for sianna, though i felt now i knew where she was. while flying i hit the ceiling and decided to come down a bit. then i saw her curled up, hugging her legs and whimpering. i landed next to her and she told me that she was scared, she said no one could see her, that she just found out she was dead. and i hugged her and told her not to worry, that i could see her and that she would never be dead for me. she asked me if it was true, that she was dead. i said yes, but not completely. she told me never to let her go completely. then she asked if i was dead. i replied that a part of me was but that it lived with her and that that was the reason she stayed with me.
it was weird having sianna be dead. she stayed with me, but left the rest of the world, but i wouldn't let her go.
i woke up then.
my grandfather died yesterday...i didn't know what to feel when i found out, my mom was really upset, and so was my sister. i wasn't sure what to do, i just do what i always do when i am faced with the death of another, console those around me. i feel like i should care more, though i don't think i don't care, i just think that death (natural death) isn't something to be so sad about. it is part of life and i know that when i die i don't want people to mourn my death, i want people to celebrate my life. so when my grandfather died i simply remembered all of the good things and happy memories. it made me happy. he had cancer and alzheimers and he was suffering...it was time for him. his wisdom and his goodhearted nature are what i think about, not the pain of his last years, not the fact that he had forgotten my name. i remember the fact that even with alzheimers he could recall jazz songs and that even though he didn't know who we were he would sing with us when we went to see him in the veteran's home. i loved that man and he loved me and the rest of my family. he's better off and that makes me happy.
i love you grampy, wherever you might be. i'll keep you with me.
it was weird having sianna be dead. she stayed with me, but left the rest of the world, but i wouldn't let her go.
i woke up then.
my grandfather died yesterday...i didn't know what to feel when i found out, my mom was really upset, and so was my sister. i wasn't sure what to do, i just do what i always do when i am faced with the death of another, console those around me. i feel like i should care more, though i don't think i don't care, i just think that death (natural death) isn't something to be so sad about. it is part of life and i know that when i die i don't want people to mourn my death, i want people to celebrate my life. so when my grandfather died i simply remembered all of the good things and happy memories. it made me happy. he had cancer and alzheimers and he was suffering...it was time for him. his wisdom and his goodhearted nature are what i think about, not the pain of his last years, not the fact that he had forgotten my name. i remember the fact that even with alzheimers he could recall jazz songs and that even though he didn't know who we were he would sing with us when we went to see him in the veteran's home. i loved that man and he loved me and the rest of my family. he's better off and that makes me happy.
i love you grampy, wherever you might be. i'll keep you with me.