Easily with me I feel as fast as I can see.
This night is beautiful. So calming and perfect and it makes me think that everything is going my way and everything is great and fabulous. The weather can be so deceitful. I have so much on my mind and so many worries that I think I might die. Some things really are great and fabulous and make me the happiest girl alive. Others do nothing but keep me up at night.
I am not apprehensive. Probably because I have done nothing wrong. Somewhere in that huge heart of yours you know this. Funny that I am always the one willing to forget and try and care, yet I am so incredibly cold and heartless? I don't follow..
I really wish that I was capable of using this as a real journal because I have so much to say but writing it would make it seem real and I am not ready for that. Not even my real journal is privy to such things. I've kinda given up on writing anyway. Its full of pictures and quotes and dates now, not so much words. They say so much more than the alphabet could ever. Seems I have been at a loss for suitable words to describe my life/feelings/thoughts as of late.
I am not ready for what my heart has gotten me into. I want nothing more than to be back in the middle of the city's height. Standing there might have been the highlight of the past few weeks. Or was it the company? Its a blur really. I am a wreck. It would be nice to know of memories match up second to second between people. Knowing that they did by some crazy chance would provide security that I desperately need. I need to know that I am safe, that this is safe.
I hope I wake up happy and carefree because its so much easier that way. Thinking only causes me trouble/stress/heartache.
Sorry for being a sappy, whiny emo bitchzilla.
I am not apprehensive. Probably because I have done nothing wrong. Somewhere in that huge heart of yours you know this. Funny that I am always the one willing to forget and try and care, yet I am so incredibly cold and heartless? I don't follow..
I really wish that I was capable of using this as a real journal because I have so much to say but writing it would make it seem real and I am not ready for that. Not even my real journal is privy to such things. I've kinda given up on writing anyway. Its full of pictures and quotes and dates now, not so much words. They say so much more than the alphabet could ever. Seems I have been at a loss for suitable words to describe my life/feelings/thoughts as of late.
I am not ready for what my heart has gotten me into. I want nothing more than to be back in the middle of the city's height. Standing there might have been the highlight of the past few weeks. Or was it the company? Its a blur really. I am a wreck. It would be nice to know of memories match up second to second between people. Knowing that they did by some crazy chance would provide security that I desperately need. I need to know that I am safe, that this is safe.
I hope I wake up happy and carefree because its so much easier that way. Thinking only causes me trouble/stress/heartache.
Sorry for being a sappy, whiny emo bitchzilla.