Teach Me How to Dance 10/11
When he finds Taemin, Jonghyun feels like his entire body is on fire. He stumbles to his friend's side, still gasping from running. Taemin jumps when he feels the others presence and he isn't sure if he should run or not.
“Don't,” Jonghyun says trying to take in more air, “don't run away again. Please don't, Min.”
Taemin stares at him, tears starting to form in his eyes. Jonghyun smiles and stands straight up, “what made you decide to hang outside of this little teddy bear shop?”
“What made you decide to look here?” Taemin challenges and Jonghyun coughs.
“Hey, it was coincidence that I found you. Lucky for me.”
Taemin blinks and a tear drop makes it's way down his perfect cheek. Jonghyun hugs him, muffling the others sobs. They stay like that for a few moments, Taemin's sobbing starting to cool down.
“Even if you did all that stuff, Taemin. . . I just want you to know you're still my best friend. I should have been there for you but you never told me! I can't believe how oblivious I was. It's my fault you were hurting all this time wasn't it? If you don't want to be friends with an asshole like me anymore I understand. Just tell me to let go and I will. Minho told me everything, Taemin. He told me about your parents and that you've. . . “
He starts to stumble over his words and stops to take in a deep breath. “He told me what you've done with him and other guys. I don't care, I mean of course I care but it doesn't change our friendship.”
There's a short pause before Taemin pulls away from Jonghyun, confusion in his eyes. “Wait. . . What? What did Minho tell you?”
Jonghyun's eyes meet the ground, “about how your mom and dad and you and- and-”
“Slow down Jonghyun! Just tell me, what did he say?!”
“It's too hard to say!”
“Jonghyun,” Taemin demands, “I need to know.”
They look around and notice people starting to listen in on their conversation. “Let's go to the park,” Taemin suggests and pulls Jonghyun by the hem of his shirt. The moon starts to rise now, bathing the city in moonlight. Taemin swings back and forth, keeping his eyes locked on Jonghyun who's leaning against the slide leisurely.
“So?”
Jonghyun closes his eyes and bites his lip. “Well he said that your mom used to bring men home and let them touch you-” he glances at Taemin listening intensely. “-that your dad isn't around much either. He said you've been with guys and that you've done 'it' with them. . . “
Jonghyun stops, hoping Taemin won't break down again. There's an awkward silence as Taemin slowly stands up. “He told you all that?” Jonghyun nods and notices Taemin's gaze seems agitated. “Jonghyun. . . Minho lied to you I mean-”
There's a panic in his voice that scares Jonghyun. Taemin's fingers begin to tremble and Jonghyun rushes to his side, “what? What is it? What's wrong, Taemin?”
“He lied! Jonghyun he lied to you! I mean, at the same time he didn't but- but he told you. . . Jonghyun, he told you!”
“Told me what? What do you mean he was lying? If it was a lie then why are you freaking out?”
“Because it's all true!”
Jonghyun furrows his brows, “but you said-”
“All of that happened to Minho. All of it happened to him not me,” Taemin says in a shakey voice. Jonghyun opens his mouth but is interrupted by Taemin's ring tone. He reaches in to his pocket quickly and reads the screen with a glare. “It's my mom, I'm not gonna answer. She's just going to yell at me about being home late.”
“You should go then,” Jonghyun says and ruffles his hair. “Sorry about all of this.”
“It's not your fault, it's Minho's. I'll see you tomorrow Jonghyun. Love you,” his throat suddenly feels constricted. “I meant like hyung's love each other-”
“I get it,” Jonghyun grins and waves him off. As he turns around Taemin shouts after him.
“Thanks hyung!”
Jonghyun glances back with a smile and the distance between them grows. After dealing with a worried mother, Taemin just wants to pass out on his bed. When he shuts the door behind him, a thought flickers in his mind. It was only a second but in that second he wished for Minho to be there. Taemin slaps himself mentally.
He switches the light off and doesn't even bother changing in to something more comfortable. As he closes his eyes, he isn't as tired as he thought he was. For almost an hour, his eyes keep flashing open and looking at the closed window by his bed. The long cream curtains cover any sign of life outside.
His body temperature starts to heat up as he opens the window. What am I doing? He probably won't come anyways, just close it. Just close it already.
His fingers touch the window seal and stop. Taemin looks across the street to find any sign of light in Minho's house. None.
Suddenly his body is moving on it's own as he takes his electric blue phone out of the charger and dials the ten numbers he wanted to forget a long time ago. The ringing seems to go on forever but when he's about to hang up a voice comes on.
“Taemin?”
The house across the street remains dark so Taemin thinks Minho was sleeping. He hates himself for being so inaudible around Minho because it took forever to get what he was thinking out. “Taemin what's wrong?”
The concern in Minho's voice was so familiar, like he was the same sweet boy from middle school. It was moments like this that made the bad boy so hard to just forget about. He closes his eyes, listening to Minho's deep breathing.
“I must have accidentally dialed your number, sorry.”
His finger lands on the 'end call' button but he can't press it. Why? Why can't I do it? He's walked out on me and hung up on me plenty of times why can't I do the same? Taemin waits for a reply. He knows the other doesn't believe him.
“Why don't you just delete it Taemin? Just delete me from your life. I don't want to hurt you anymore.”
“That's not fair, Minho. Shouldn't I be the one to decide you're not worth my time anymore?”
“I've been waiting two years for you to decide and you won't. No matter what I do you'll let me in to your heart. I thought it was because I was an easy fuck but I was wrong. It was only a matter of time before you blew up on me, I expected it ages ago. I want to go back to the way we used to be, before all this shit happened. Before I became shit. I know I can't though. I could never expect you to forgive me Taemin so I'm telling you to forget me,” he murmurs. Taemin covers his mouth to hold back the crying. He's already cried enough for the day.
“I hate you,” he whispers and clutches the curtains tightly.
“I know,” Minho responds. Taemin wipes his eyes against his sleeves and sniffs. “I hate you for doing this to me. You're such an idiot! Do you think I let you stick around because I like getting yelled at? You think I just wanted you for pleasure? You are so stupid, Minho. You are so stupid that I could just kill you.”
Minho leans against the icy metal of the lamp post down the street with his free hand submerged in the cloth of his denim jacket. “Go ahead. If it means you forgive me then I don't care. Just kill me.”
“Where are you anyways?” Taemin asks just so he could talk longer. At this point he didn't care what they talked about, he just wanted to hear Minho's voice.
“Walking to my house.”
“Eh? Just now? Where have you been all night?”
“Got a few drinks. I'm not drunk or anything though.”
“So you're almost. . . Home?” Taemin asks quietly.
“Yeah, why?”
“You can come over if you want to,” Taemin says without hesitation. It surprises him that he even wants Minho near him. On the other hand, it doesn't surprise him at all.
“One second you hate me and the next you want me to come over? That's too many mixed signals.”
“Well you give me mixed signals all the damn time!”
“Since when did you acquire this sailor mouth, Taemin? Well whatever, I don't think I can make it. If I come over who knows what will happen. I might not leave,” Minho says honestly. His attraction to Taemin was beyond his control even if Taemin didn't know that. “Even if you think so, you're not a toy Taemin. I never thought that. . . I'm just screwed up, ok? So I need to pay for it.”
Taemin can feel his heart beat rise steadily. It's been a while since he heard Minho sound this way. He was talking to Taemin like he cared about him. Taemin pokes his head out the window and tries to spot Minho but it's too dark. He retreats back in and gradually slides to the floor. “Just come.”
Click.
Taemin stares at the mirror across from him, the phone cradled tightly to his chest. Will he come? I look horrible maybe I should just lock the window and sleep. What's the point in staying up to wait for that guy? Everything he just said was probably a lie anyways. . . Why should I trust him?
Just when he's about to doze off the sound of the window panel scraping open startles him. He jumps back and turns the light on to see Minho hop in. Taemin can't help but stare at him. His sexy, messy hair and smokey eyes. “Listen Minho, just know I didn't call you up here to sleep with you!” he says quickly. He wanted to be the one in control this time and if they were going to sleep together it was going to be on Taemin's watch.
“Sure, that's fine.”
There's a slight smirk on Minho's face that Taemin can't decipher. The older boy shrugs his jacket off calmly, alarming the younger one. Didn't he hear me?
“Um the real reason I wanted you to stop by was so that I could check you- to make sure uh. . . You weren't drunk or smoking or something like that. . .”
His confidence starts to diminish as Minho nods and walks closer to him. “No just kidding! I just want you to back up so I can check you from,” he gulps, “from a very very very far away distance.”
“Okaaaaay,” Minho says and raises his arms in defense. “Just come check I won't touch you. You're like two feet away, Taemin, that's not very far.”
Crap he's right! Alright, I'll just check him real quick! Then he can leave, yup that's all.
Taemin inches closer and then feels stupid for asking him to come over. It was just making him feel uncomfortable. What's so wrong about two individuals making love anyways? Oh right, they're not exactly normal individuals. They're both teenage guys with a complicated relationship that even doctor Phil couldn't solve. Plus, the way Minho talks about it, they've never made love.
“Okay before you check, I have a pack of cigarettes in my back pocket. Just saying,” Minho pipes up as Taemin pats his pockets.
“Stop smoking already. You're going to die before you get to see your grand children, you know.”
“So? I doubt I'll even make it to having a child.”
Taemin glares and slaps him on impulse. He covers his mouth and Minho touches his cheek in shock. “What the hell was that for?!”
“I don't know! You just deserved it! Don't say stuff like that!”
“Like what?! I'm tired of everything and everyone, Taemin! Life sucks! People suck! They throw you away the second they find out who you really are. And if you show them who you really are early, they don't even give you a chance!”
“Unfortunately for me, I didn't throw you away.”
“Yeah I know. Looks like I'm not the only stupid one around here.”
Taemin smiles and turns away before Minho can see. “Are you sure you're not drunk?”
“Smell my breath then,” Minho says and Taemin whips around with a glare. He marches in front of Minho, meeting his eyes for a second and then leans closer. Minho breathes out and instead of smoke mixed with beer, the aroma of cinnamon rolls fills the air. “I lied,” Minho whispers, “I got something to eat at the coffee shop down the block.”
Taemin stands there completely dumbfounded. Minho leans over and brushes their lips together. It's not one of his usual husky, feverish kisses but it's soft and almost. . . Loving.
Minho puts his arms around the shorter boy's tiny waist, pulling him closer.
“Minho,” Taemin moans against his wishes. I fall for him every time. Pull away, Taemin. . . He's tricking you like he always does! Hurry and push him off!
Except he can't. His arms feel like jelly in Minho's embrace and it's killing him. Why do I have to love him so much?
Taemin expects to be pushed on to the bed or to get his shirt ripped off but instead Minho leans down and kisses his forehead. Taemin's eyes flicker open as Minho pulls him even closer, hugging him tightly.
“I promise not to hurt you again, Taemin. I'll never hurt you again, I'm so sorry,” he whispers. His voice is laced with sorrow and guilt that makes Taemin's heart hurt. He nuzzles in to the others embrace with a smile.
“You're stupid enough to ask for a second chance so I'm stupid enough to forgive you. It's going to take a while though, Minho. . . I can't just smile and say that everything you've done was okay. I'm not going to trust you for a long time.”
“Figures,” Minho chuckles and kisses Taemin's cheek. “I'm so sorry, Taemin. I'm so sorry.”
“I know,” Taemin blushes and squeezes his eyes shut to keep from screaming in happiness. The spot where Minho kissed his cheek was on fire.
“I love you,” he says so clearly that Taemin almost faints. Did Minho just. . ? He blushes furiously and almost shoves the other away to shout 'so this was all some sick joke?', but he feels like he can trust Minho on this one because even he wouldn't go that far for a joke.
“Can I sleep with you? Not in a 'let's have sex way'. I just want to sleep with you.”
Taemin almost wanted to pinch himself. How could Minho be so romantic? Or was he always like this? Come to think of it. . . Minho was always staying with Taemin and holding him. Even after they would do it, he would hold him like an actual lover. Were all those nights real? He thought about what Minho said earlier about him not being a toy. Did he love me all this time? Then why didn't he just say it? Why did he hurt me. . ?
Taemin nods slowly and jumps when Minho holds his hand. He leads him to the bed and lays down, patting the empty space next to him. Taemin shuffles in and allows the other to hold him. Minho pulls the blankets up, engulfing each of them in warmth. The last thing Taemin remembers before falling asleep is the sound of Minho's heart, the feeling of his fingers caressing Taemin's hair, and the smell of cinnamon rolls.
-
Jonghyun stares at the ceiling.
The faded light on it becomes brighter as the sun comes up and before he knows it, it's morning. He sits up and changes in to his school uniform quietly. He could have sworn he saw a piece of toast running down the stairs and beckoning him to catch him. He supposes that's what getting no sleep does to you.
It's been like this for a few weeks. Ever since he found out Taemin was dating Minho and his parents were getting divorced he hasn't been able to sleep. When Taemin spilled the news about Minho, it really damaged his trust in the other. Wasn't Minho the bad guy? Jonghyun wanted to scream at Taemin but all he could say was, “congrats.” They haven't talked much since then so he's been kind of lonely also.
Shortly after, his parents told him they were separating. It wasn't that surprising since he knew his mom would get caught cheating eventually. Exams were coming up and it took him twice the time to study because of the recent lack of focus. His mind being corrupt with other matters. To top it off, his ex girlfriend was trying to get close to him again and he really didn't want that right now.
He tries to look for Taemin at school but no sign of him. Jonghyun doesn't say anything while his friends conversate at lunch and they ask him what's wrong. He just smiles and assures them he's okay. While listening to their conversation instead of joining it, he realizes how immature his friends really were. Was he that way too? Did they really sound that stupid when they talked?
The baby blue, cloudless sky that seems to get brighter as the day goes on contrasting with his heavy heart. He tries to sleep in class but to no avail. After class, he almost falls down the stairs and doesn't even notice Onew and Amber waving at him from the courtyard. All he really wants to do is go home and sleep but it occurs to him that Taemin may be at dance practice.
He opens the heavy doors to the studio only to find that nobody was there. I'm so dumb, I forgot there's no practice today. The air in the studio is slightly warmer than the chilly air behind him. He stares at the mirror across the room in disgust. The circles under his eyes are heavy and dark and his entire appearance is messy. He walks closer to the mirror, throwing his bag across the room without a care. I wonder why the lights are on. . .
His footsteps are light and the only sound is the hum of the heater. The reflection in the mirror stares back at him with lifeless eyes, confused eyes. What are you doing? You're spending more time with idiotic people and forgetting about your real friends. You're falling for someone who isn't interested in you and you're falling apart.
Jonghyun learned how to laugh pain off a long time ago but it didn't seem to be workng this time. Many girls were asking him out lately and he kept saying no. Even the girls he used to crush on were falling for him now but he didn't feel that spark he used to. Ever since he saw Kibum, everyone else just seemed so plain. It was really stupid to reject every pretty girl that liked him for that guy. . . He couldn't stop thinking that. It was even worse that he couldn't stop thinking about Kibum. His phone buzzes. It's from Taemin. He flips it open and scans his eyes over the screen.
Sorry I wasn't at school today. I didn't feel good.
He replies and shuts the phone. What was wrong with him? Him and Taemin were cool yesterday right? Him and Kibum were cool yesterday too, right? So why did he feel so down? The room starts to spin and he has to sit down to keep from falling. The need for sleep is finally screaming at him which is why he can't seem to get up and make his way to his comfy bed at home. Jonghyun lays down and groans at the nausea creeping up.
Maybe I'm tired of being the guy that has to make everyone else happy. . .
“It's really cold in here, don't fall asleep.”
He barely opens his eyes to look up at Kibum. His face is a slight blur and Jonghyun can't seem to take in his beauty like he normally does. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open so he just closes them again. Key shakes him, “I'm serious, Jjong. You'll get sick if you sleep on this cold, dirty floor.”
“I'm tired,” Jonghyun murmers, hoping Kibum will get the picture and leave. There's a long silence until a heavy fabric falls on him. He tries to stay awake and thank Key but his mouth doesn't move. Everything grows dark.
When Jonghyun wakes up his muscles hurt from laying on the hard floor and his head is pounding from sitting up too so quickly. He touches the cloth of Key's thick purple jacket and frowns when he notices said boy sitting against the wall in front of him. His eyes are quickly moving back and forth across the pages of a thick book that's around thirty years old by the looks of the worn cover.
“What time is it?” Jonghyun asks, still half asleep.
“Seven,” the other answers without looking up. Jonghyun stands up slowly and stretches his limbs out. He kneels by Key and wraps the hoodie around his thin shoulders. “You're freezing Key, I'm sorry.”
“It's fine.” Again he doesn't look up.
“You didn't have to stay. Why were you here in the first place?”
“I was trying to straighten Onew's office for him and I came out to find you in the floor. You're so strange, Jonghyun.” There was no sign of laughter in his voice.
“Let me walk you home,” Jonghyun offers. He still feels tired but it was the least he could do for him.
“I'm fine,” Kibum says in that same voice. That must be some book, Jonghyun thinks with a frown. He knows Kibum is listening to him but it still feels like he's being ignored. He finally puts the book away in his bag and brushes his jeans off. Jonghyun stands up and stares at Kibum. How did someone so beautiful not have people swarming all over him every day like Jonghyun did? His hair had grown longer and if they weren't swept to the side his banes would fall over his eyes. His hair dazzled with many shades of dark browns that were only noticeable from up close. His eyes were the same, millions of dark and light coffee colored specks adorned them.
“I finished my book so you didn't waste my time or anything. You should take a long nap when you get home. I have to play cards with my grandpa before it gets too late. I'll see you,” Kibum says and brushes pass the other, sending electric pulses through Jonghyun's body. How could he be that captivated by someone? Just then, when Kibum's eyes were avoiding his own, he had an urge to touch his face. To touch those soft lips that should have belonged to an angel rather than Key. To kiss those lips. . .
“Wait,” Jonghyun tries to shout after him but there's no response. He races out the door and catches up to the other boy in a daze. “We never got hot chocolate together. You owe me some time, right?”
Kibum's expressionless eyes light up with an emotion Jonghyun can't place. “Oh yeah. . . I forgot about it. I don't have any money on me and it's getting dark,” he stops for a minute, “it's not like it was important. Just go home and rest.”
Not important? Jonghyun feels a tinge of sadness rush over him. Before Kibum can walk away he chases after him again. “Maybe it wasn't important to you but I was really happy when you said yes.”
He never felt so embarrassed in his entire life. Did he really just tell him that?
“I didn't say anything about it because I had the sense you were avoiding me for the pass few weeks. Sure it's just a cup of hot chocolate but it was out of character for you to agree. So I felt kind of special. . .”
He's come this far already, might as well tell him everything. “The truth is Kibum. . . The truth is-!” Jonghyun could feel himself drowning in fear. What if Kibum rejects him? He's never been rejected before. In fact, Jonghyun's never asked anyone out before so he's never had to fear rejection. This must be what those girls felt like when they ask him out. He deserved to get shot down though after all of the hearts he's broken.
“That I really-”
Kibum watches him just as calmly as ever, it was almost relieving. At least he wasn't pushing and telling him to get it out already or anything like that. Jonghyun inhales deeply and exhales the same.
“I really like you,” he says. At this point, confessing to a guy didn't matter anymore. The thought of even liking guys stopped bothering him a long time ago. All that matters right now is Kibum's response. He almost wants to explain that what he said wasn't a joke or that he wasn't just saying it to see how Kibum would react for laughs. He hopes Kibum can see the sincerity in his eyes. He feels pleased with himself for telling the other his feelings. He didn't need to lie to himself anymore.
Kibum remains speechless for a good minute, worrying the other. Jonghyun shoves his hands in to his pockets with a nervous cough. “Uh well. . . I didn't expect you to like me back or anything, I just wanted to tell you. I thought it would be easier for me if you knew.”
“It's harder for me to hear that,” Kibum says and Jonghyun isn't sure how to respond. He can barely hear Kibum because his ears are pounding so loudly.
“Sorry Jonghyun, I don't feel that way about you.”
It was a simple statement but it crashed down on Jonghyun like a thousand boulders. Of course he didn't expect Kibum to like him back or even answer him so soon but he didn't expect to be shot down that fast. Was it really that easy? Was it that easy to hurt someone's feelings like that? Then again, Jonghyun's done it before. Well hello karma.
He wants to slap Kibum for being so honest and at the same time he just wants to disappear. But more than anything he wanted to curse himself for being so stupid and for falling for the boy in the first place. All that hard work to get the other to like him, all that wasted desire. . . It was all for nothing. Now that he thought about it, he didn't really work that hard to get Kibum to like him, he just watched him from a distance and they accidently bumped in to each other a few times. If it weren't for luck, he would have never talked to him and would have never been through the most humiliating moment of his life.
“Say hey to your grandpa for me,” Jonghyun smiles and waves bye. What else could he say? Thanks for breaking my pride buddy, you're the greatest! Also, thanks for being perfect! It makes it really hard to fall for someone else! Kibum barely raises his hand and waves back. “Jonghyun I'm truly sorry,” he says and Jonghyun just laughs. “For what? It's not like I'm in love with you or anything so it's not that big of a deal! I'll see you at practice!”
The last part was overly cheerful to cover up the gloom and crumbling pride inside of him. He forced himself not to look back. Maybe a talk with Taemin would help him rebuild his confidence. When he goes home, his parents read him the divorce details. At any other time he would be listening tentatively but only one thing crosses his mind.
The first person he actually liked hadn't liked him back. . . Life sucks huh?
previous ::: next
a/n: auuuuugh I can't believe I did that to my jjongie ;___;
At least 2min is repairing their relationship, right? >O<
I think this is one of my longer chapters so yeeah~ ^^
I'm still mad at Jonghyun for breaking Kibum's heart and dating that girl so I'm just counting down the days until they get back together XD
He just honestly doesn't seem as happy as he used to. . . Maybe all the pressure from having a girlfriend as a celebrity is hard to handle? If he's truly happy then I- I-
/swallows hard
I wish him the happiness with her.
AAAIIISH I had to say that >__>
Okay sorry I'm just talking to myself now~ Don't forget to leave a comment, they make me smile! Love you guys ♥
(￣▽￣)ノ