2010
This has probably been the most eventful year of my life.
Looking back, it would be easy to say "fuck 2010." A lot of really awful stuff happened. I was kicked out of a good friend's house and out of his life over an extremely simple misunderstanding. My girlfriend cheated on me for months in front of my face with my best male friend. I spent an awful lot of the year unemployed and I had to watch my mother deteriorate and die before my eyes.
I learned things about myself that I wish so much were not true, depths of anger and hurt that I never knew existed. I learned that in a lot of ways I am weak and cowardly and insecure. That I am capable of inflicting terrible pain upon those I love the most.
I had my first experience with physical drug dependency, recurring insomnia, 24 hour death watches, the Swine Flu, and the loss of contact with the best friend I ever had.
It would be very, very easy to condemn the entirety of the year to a horrible fiery demise.
But there has been another side to the year. I met wonderful new friends and rediscovered some who were standing in front of me all along. Most importantly, I have learned who I want to be. I learned that I don't have to be the person I have been, and that it is okay for me to fuck up along the way.
I have spent countless hours laughing and singing at karaoke. Went to two weddings, both of which were glorious. I have experienced incredible amounts of love and had some of the most intense intimate experiences I could ever have dreamed of. I have learned who my real friends are.
At first glance, it seems as though the bad heavily outweighs the good, but I don't feel that way at all. I feel the past year has been very good for me. I endured difficult times, made many mistakes, and suffered a lot of heartbreak... but it was necessary. Many of my illusions and many of my delusions have been stripped away, and I know what I have to do.
I am not too proud to admit I will need your help.
2010 broke me down to the foundations. In 2011 I rebuild.