sad
Hi Johanna and I am a lesbian and a survivor of sexual abuse.
two months ago I broke my engagement to my girlfriend, we were two years in a distance relationship, she is in America, I am in Colombia.
During the relationship had many beautiful things and beautiful, because with it I could open my soul, and I think she did too.
However there were communication problems, and often do not listen, and also am very depressed, and I think was highly dependent on her emotionally.
I know my emotional instability, affect our relationship a lot, since she was in college when it became very depressed and I felt very bad because I could not do anything for her, and I always felt helpless because I love her very much and I felt it did nothing for her, then I broke my relationship with her, this happened every three or four months.
Two months ago she had to go and live where his father to another state, and she had no money, no where to live and I felt very frustrated because I had no money to help.
And again broke up with her because I was being a good partner.
However when I do this, it really hurts, because I love her very much.
This generates a lot of emotional instability in our relationship.
Now she does not want to be my partner more, and feel a deep pain.
I had high hopes of marrying her.
Also working my sexual abuse by her side.
But she did not want to do this already.
I think this fear is very much related to my feeling of shame of sexual abuse.
Because I do not feel worthy of love of a woman my ex-girlfriend commotion.
It causes him pain with my behavior and I feel terrible about it, since he wished that everything would have been better.
hace dos meses rompi mi noviazgo con mi novia, llevabamos dos años en una relacion a distancia, ella esta en los Estados Unidos, yo estoy en colombia.
Durante la relacion habian muchas cosas bellas y lindas, pues con ella pude abrir mi alma, y creo que ella tambien lo hizo.
Sin embargo habian problemas de comunicacion, y en muchas ocasiones no le escuche, y tambien soy muy depresiva, y creo que estaba dependiendo mucho emocionalmente de ella.
Se que mi inestabilidad emocional, afecto nuestra relacion mucho, ya que ella cuando estaba en la universidad se deprimia mucho, y yo me senti muy mal, porque no podia hacer nada por ella, y siempre me sentia impotente, porque la amo mucho y yo sentia que no hacia nada por ella, entonces yo rompia mi relacion con ella, esto ocurria cada tres o cuatro meses.
Hace dos meses ella tenia que irse a vivir donde su padre a otro estado, y ella no tenia dinero, ni a donde vivir y yo me sentia muy frustrada porque no tenia dinero para ayudarle.
Y de nuevo rompi con ella porque no me sentia ser una buena pareja.
Sin embargo cuando hago esto, me duele mucho, porque la amo mucho.
Esto genero mucha inestabilidad emocional en nuestra relacion.
Ahora ella no quieres ser mi pareja mas, y siento un dolor profundo.
tenia mucha ilusion de casarme con ella.
tambien de trabajar mi abuso sexual a su lado.
Pero ella no quiere hacer esto ya.
Creo que este temor esta muy relacionado con mi sentimiento de verguenza del abuso sexual.
Porque no me siento digna del amor de una mujer como mi exnovia.
Se que le ocasione dolor con mi comportamiento y me siento mal por esto, ya que deseaba que todo hubiese sido mejor.