I read to live. I live to read.
I do not know what is it about memoirs and biographies that fascinate me so much. Even as a child, I was more interested with what was behind the fairy tales, what happens to the characters after they "live happily ever after." Which character or story was inspired from which real events in history. I have always been interested with why people behave the way they are. What history did they have that triggered such behaviors. What kind of memories did they share with people or kept to themselves.
Whenever I walk into a library, the first section I go to is the biography section. It's like being invited into their house. I may have watched this person on TV, movies and even read his/her works but once a biography or memoir is released about them, I feel this NEED to get that. There is a special place for those people who actually write their own stuff because it feels more personal especially when I can hear their voice in my head as I read the pages. Somehow you get a feel as to who is actually brave enough to unburden themselves on the pages from those who paint only the lovely exteriors while intentionally deluding their readers that they are being completely honest.
To be quite honest, I don't think that the writers have ever been "completely honest" about themselves when they write because not everything can be honest about a human being. Not everything is exciting and the stuff that is written in the book is required to be exciting so people will buy the book. If you are only writing for yourself then you make a journal or a private diary and for-your-eyes only. Perhaps there is so much more truth in it that a lot of them get hidden or burned (like mine).
It is still up to writer to determine what readers might want and to what extent can you "humanize" yourself to become vulnerable enough to reap the benefits and criticisms from readers. You still factor in whether the book is interesting enough for strangers to spend money on. Is it enough to hold their attention to get to the next chapter or AT LEAST turn to the next page or AT LEAST open the book. It is not easy at all. Some writers who are excellent storytellers have NOTHING to say about themselves or refuse to say anything and those end up being turned into biographies and readers get second, third, fourth-hand information about them. You finish reading the book and though you feel some sort of mystery uncovered, you know deep inside that if that the person in question would have said things a whole lot different. You hope that they agreed on some of the accounts based upon the evidence and references dug up.
So I just finished reading "Elvis by the Presleys." As a longtime Elvis fan, I've been a fan since I was 12, if I had come across this book at that age, I would be shaking like a leaf. I would have considered this book absolute truth. There were hardly any libraries when I was growing up. The libraries were very limited to academic textbooks and the occasional fairytales. Most of the books I wanted to read could be found in private collections like my uncle and auntie had at their homes. My uncle kept his in the basement while my auntie had her books displayed at the porch. If you thought with such access I would be able to read as much as I wanted, you are mistaken. I could not take them out longer than a couple of days. I craved biographies, autobios and history books so much. Tragically, there were hardly any bookstores that would cater to my cravings either. Even if there were, buying books is considered a luxury. For as long as I have lived in Zamboanga City, I have never bought a single book. I didn't have to buy textbooks because the schools provided them.
I was finally able to experience a library when I was already in high school. The library was still very much limited but it did provide more variety than I could ever imagine. However, taking out books was still strict and most of the books I have been able to take out were for school assignments only. If I wanted to read something for my pleasure, I will have to find time to do it when I was in school. But since I discovered Elvis before entering high school, I have only been able to read about him through the encyclopedia P. I would have some pages xeroxed and that's about it. We didnt' have any encyclopedias at home either. We could not afford that.
As a teen, my hunger for "behind-the-scenes" just increased and I became obsessed with finding things about my family. I would go to my grandparents' home and just listen to their stories about their children. I would listen to opinions about my aunties and uncles about my father. Anything I could get, I wrote them in my diaries. Unfortunately, my father discovered them and like every dutiful Gestapo would do, I was made to burn them. Whenever I think about that day, I wonder if my father even remembered that. He never knew what an impact that gave me. I can never bring them back. A lot of history were in those notebooks all up in flames.
To curb that frustration and loss, I threw myself to reading romance novels. Some of them were from my mom's old collections, "reference books" as far as she is concerned. My mother is not a romance writer type. She only wrote love stories for the work being a scriptwriter for radio. Her forte was crime stories. My cousins had romance novels too, Mills and Boon mostly. My aunties would freak out when she caught any of us reading it so we traded these books like they were government secrets. Thankfully, my mother did not share in the freaking out since SHE has written love stories herself. She did not mind my cousins borrowing her volumes of bookbinded scripts. I too have immersed myself in those books. My mother did not mind. My father did and so I only read them whenever he was not around. The smaller novels were easier to hide.
I think losing all of my mother's scripts and books from the fire that razed our entire community was more painful. I can only imagine how my mother must have felt. All those years of careful storage and compilation, gone in flames. We could not save any of them. Perhaps if my father did not force me to burn my diaries, maybe they would have resulted in the same as my mother's books. But meh, my father could not wait that long.
When we moved to Manila, my book collection really has not improved. The library we had in college was as depressing as the waiting area of a morgue. There were only textbooks upon textbooks. I did not have the funds to purchase my own books. The National Library was not exactly the most convenient way to acquire books. The ONLY way I could be lucky to read a few was when I go to National Bookstore and even then, most of the books I wanted to read were encased in plastic.
It was only after my parents FINALLY separated that I have been able to slowly grow my book collection on various topics. The trend of thrift books, second-hand books became so widely popular that it fed my craving even more. I felt like I had to make up for years of book starvation. There were so many, many, many books and magazines to dive into. Still a lot of the good stuff eluded me because of financial capacity to aquire them. I got into Japanese manga and with the massive popularity and convenience of the internet, it was very easy to borrow, trade and share electronic books and manga files to friends for free. Through the years, my mother, brother and me have been able to collect so many, many books and magazines. Even my brother collected phone books and newspapers.
But with such easier access to reading materials online as well as offline, somehow I was able to develop a sense of what is trashy trash from the interesting. As much as I am still drawn to biographies, histories and memoirs, I can go through a few pages and feel that I have not even scratched the surface of their truest and innermost thoughts. Some are brave enough to spill the beans and allow themselves to look destroyed enough to look cool and interesting. Some are open enough to become scandalous and provocative.
Being a fan of Elvis and The Beatles, I found out that there is so much books written about them. However, no one can really know about them than the very people themselves. We are only left with their legacy through their music and influences. But with this "Elvis by the Presleys" book which I borrowed from the library is filled with a private collection of eye candies. This is the kind of book you read for absolute leisure and pleasure. Even if you did not know about the guy, reading the book is enough to entertain you with the all the Elvis "artifacts" featured in each page. After reading it, you are still as stumped as anyone to find out who the real Elvis really was. He remains to be an enigma even to his own family. This does not stop the fact that I am still a fan although I have much better things to do in my life now than obsess about him like I did when I was 12. I still dream of going to Graceland one day. That would be the ultimate destination for every Elvis fan. Same with The Beatles, perhaps visiting Strawberry Fields in Central Park, NY would be enough. Going to Liverpool would be too rich for me.
I have just finished going through the pages of Upstairs and Downstairs (The Illustrated Guide to the Real World of Downton Abbey) book which I also borrowed from the library and it surely has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have to read it some more to understand further. So far I have realized that the whole trend of maid and butler cafes and Japanese anime about butlers and maids have NOTHING to do or even come close to the truths, drudgery and discipline to the people who ACTUALLY lived them. I am not saying that this kind of work was negative for their parts. Not at all. But it opened my eyes to appreciating that it was A REAL OCCUPATION, a WAY OF LIFE for the folks at the time. It was not the superfluous and narrow-minded view of what it is all about these days especially in the cosplay scenes.. Now when I look at cosplays of maids and butlers, it only reflects as to how limited and how little these people think of those people who actually worked as maids and butlers. It's almost disrespectful of their memory and lifestyle. Thank goodness even when I was still ignorant of maids and butlers, I never found any interest in cosplaying them at all. I have been spared of that.
I read Ellen Degeneres' "Seriously..I'm Kidding" book and that had zero seriousness at all. It was a go-to book for your amusement needs. You like to read someone fun, popular and still make you part of the in-crowd then this is the book for you. It is not shallow, okay. I like Ellen. I think she is wonderful. As I was reading her book, I wanted to have a copy of my own but afterwards, I am just glad I was able to read it from cover to cover but I do not see myself putting this as part of my collection. The challenge I now face being a bookworm with the ability to collect is determining a book whether it is a keeper. Is this something that will still be relevant to me next year? Is this something I will not be ashamed to share to my child? Is this something I do not mind recommending to someone else? I get pickier if it is a book that I have to spend money on. It better be worth every cent. So far I have been lucky to find really good books for free. I have a collection of hardbounds, paperbacks and ebooks. I need to find the time to go through them all.
I do not think that a reader should feel obligated to read a book from cover to cover unless it is the Qur'an. Other than the Qur'an, allow yourself the freedom to sift through books to your content and level of interest. I have given away so many books to friends, family and even strangers. I have sold them to whomever found them interesting. The ones I treasured in the past but no longer holds relevance in my life, I give them away to dear friends. For a long time, I felt that I should read books from cover to cover. This has contributed to the fact why a lot of my books have not been read yet. That has changed. Thank goodness!
My current book craves are Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir, Dolphy and the first 30 decades of Eat Bulaga. Looks like these will cost money to acquire but I think they're worth it. I have been lucky enough to get Corey Feldman's 'Coreyography'. Surprisingly I am reading great reviews about it. I was also able to borrow Patrick McManus's books from the library. Oh, I LOVE this author so much. I wish to complete my collection of his books.
I feel very fortunate to be a daughter of a writer. I am also married to a husband who is a reader, a walking trivia and collector. A mother-in-law who is a writer. A father-in-law who is also a reader and filled with information. Now a daugter who likes reading too. I feel much more relaxed to write my stories and keep a journal without the threat and fear of being discovered. I feel like my life has come full circle. Alhamdulillah!