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Jan 01, 2006 16:12

this is my new years update/outline/resolution or whatever
there are tears in my eyes and i have a trembling lip as i type, although these are not tears of sadness but of enormous gratitude and optimism.
As a brief introduction, i have been a shit this year, from january through to december i have generally been an arse. I have upset sam and ellie loads, especially ellie who has had little but grief from me all year. And i have picked up and put down friends to suit me whenever i feel like it. And not appreciated just how important they have been to me.
Recently i have gone from bad to worse and gone a bit off the rails drinking to much saying things out of place and line and thinking of no one but myself.
However almost as an incredible coincidence i have realized this just in time for me to come home for xmas, and have planned to change. i have only been in newport two weeks and i am already pissing off again, but i have realized that i have jeopardised losing some of the most important people in my life. But no matter they have embraced me with nothing but the same enthusiasm that they always have.
This has been an amazingly eye opening fortnight and i am enormously grateful to my friends for being there for me and ignoring my appauling behaivour and selfishness and not losing faith in me. And if i promise one thing and make one new years resoloution it is to never forget how important my friends are to me and appreciate them to the extent they deserve and invest more emtional currency n the people i love. and i do love them all so much. and i hope i can be there for them like they have been for me.
As well as posting this on LJ im gonna email it to as many of my good friends as i can so that those who dont use LJ can know how i feel.
I love you all very much and thank you for being there for me
i promise better behaivour this year.
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