I dont...
...know what to do. Yeah, I was just sitting here, I made a new icon. The words arent to decisiable but ill post what it says later, yea... its somethign very tipicle of me. *sighs* So I was just sitting here, on the computer, waiting for something. But now i cant remember what i was waiting for. I know i need to say something, I think to someone... but i dont remeber what it was... My Mind is soo groggy and I'm regretting what i said ot someone, and I told a horribly dark secret about my past to someone in depe details. No cindy hun. it wasnt you. but yeah... I held that secret close to my soul, not letting anyone in. But I keep seeing people from my past... whether it was a painful or joyous one. But for some reason, the memories are always painful... God... It hurts so much. I dont know what to do or say to ANYONE any more...im just in a real chipper mood arent I? I want to hit something, kill something or someone. I want to break something... I have so much pent up anger, sadness, frustration. I was thinking about how a year, or a summer, can change someoen so much. I should know. Sometimes i hate how i have changed, sometimes i praise it. But for the most of it, I've changed for the worst. I let my rage and hate get the better of me, and cloud my judjement. And i have been thinking about this world, its so corrupted. In my mind, I believe some higher beings put us her to find someone and mate, to be miserable. We wait for that someone, and is they dont come, we live in agony, if they do, we lose them and once again we mourn. We're pawns on a playing board, waiting for a move, sometype of change. I dont like how we're played with, this world is a corrupt one, why do we bother? I was watching a movie last night, it was about a father who couldnt get a heart for his son because he had no insurance. I hated it, this world is horrible. Luckily, his son got his heart, but the father was sent to jail. God, all for SAVING his son. He was even willing to give his own heat, thats somehting i admire. But yeah, now adays, we are killing people, for simple reasons as not having insurance and such. I HATE IT! I conitnue to wonder why everyone goes on? for feeble things such as love, money, futures? Its pitiful. I personally dont like myself, im blanding right into this world, and its killing me form the inside out. so im sitting here, trying to remember what i was waiting for, what i was going to say... and as i wait, some type of heavy weight is on my heart, and a few holes, im empty.. hollow... like i was at the beginning of the summer... i wonder, will ANYTHING ever make me happy... anyone? im scared... scarred... and im afraid ill do that to others. i need to think... i want to cut, but unfortunately im watched... but i have other opertunities... so... i need to go... think about ym desicions, and make a new one. Life or death? Ill choose, but in this corrupt world, i would be another lost grain of sand on a beach of many.