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I pretty much stopped updating this journal when my mom died. She was the one reading it the most. She died on Good Friday, March 29, 2013. Gavin was just shy of his 1st birthday, getting ready to have his first Easter. I think I talked to her for the last time the Tuesday before. When we finally knew it was the end, we drove home Thursday to see her. Gavin sat next to her on the bed, quiet as you please. Like he knew he was a comfort.
We made it to her bedside before she passed, getting there late Thursday night. Matt and Jen had been there taking care of her all week. Just like she had described to me, her Cousin Glenda telling her mother it was ok to go, I told her it was ok that she go. It was really hard to do, but I knew she was ready to go and that she was waiting for me (at least it seemed like it).
The next morning the hospice nurse came. As I was talking to her, in the room with my mom, I heard her take her last breath, and she was gone. I cut a lock of her hair. I keep it in a locket and I like to think she is with me always. In anything that happens, I know what she would say, I know what her reaction would be. Sometimes I'm fine. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I wish I could just tell her all the things. I miss her.
I'm glad I have so many other wonderful people in my life, but it'll never be the same. Since then she's had four more grandkids, between my bro and me. But she was ready to go. The last time I talked to her she said, "It won't be long now!" She was the best person I'll ever know. I'm so glad she got to meet Gavin before she went. It's funny, her mom died when her first child was almost one, and she died when mine was almost one. Even though the ages are vastly different, my mom was 23 when her mom passed, and I was 34. I'm glad I got her for as long as I did.
I don't suppose it's ever enough.
We made it to her bedside before she passed, getting there late Thursday night. Matt and Jen had been there taking care of her all week. Just like she had described to me, her Cousin Glenda telling her mother it was ok to go, I told her it was ok that she go. It was really hard to do, but I knew she was ready to go and that she was waiting for me (at least it seemed like it).
The next morning the hospice nurse came. As I was talking to her, in the room with my mom, I heard her take her last breath, and she was gone. I cut a lock of her hair. I keep it in a locket and I like to think she is with me always. In anything that happens, I know what she would say, I know what her reaction would be. Sometimes I'm fine. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I wish I could just tell her all the things. I miss her.
I'm glad I have so many other wonderful people in my life, but it'll never be the same. Since then she's had four more grandkids, between my bro and me. But she was ready to go. The last time I talked to her she said, "It won't be long now!" She was the best person I'll ever know. I'm so glad she got to meet Gavin before she went. It's funny, her mom died when her first child was almost one, and she died when mine was almost one. Even though the ages are vastly different, my mom was 23 when her mom passed, and I was 34. I'm glad I got her for as long as I did.
I don't suppose it's ever enough.