I feel
Not happy. Its that weird feeling you get when you think back at how much different your life is now when compared to the past. It doesn't always stem from bad things, but it just feels like it should. Hard to explain, really it is. I guess I just feel stressed out. School is starting to boggle down on me, which is a huge pain, I'm just trying to do good, but it feels like I am overloaded for some reason. Its like I want to be able to do good in school, have fun on my comp, be social, see my family, and make my apartment look cool. But its like there seems like theres a lot of stuff to do, or like there's stuff I want to do, but I can't because I don't have pocket money on me since I haven't been working. Its a combination of things that I feel like are caused by my jaw and sometimes my lack of caring, then a sudden burst to care about every little minute thing in life. I guess I'll just finish studying for the test and worry about everything else tomorrow night after I'm done with my paper.
I just really want to do everything that I want to do in life. But it just seems like I'm so limited in what I can do, it just gnaws at me until it hits me that I need to get stuff done or I'll soon be overwhelmed again. Well hopefully this weekend I'll be able to go get some much needed stuff for our apartment from some thrift shops and such. I really hate having to spend my money on stuff, but I guess I just want nice things. Or at least things that make my living place seem more comfortable. Its just how I feel about things in my life. I don't want to live in a constant craphole, and I don't want to fuck things up. I want to do things right, like how a guy should really do shit. There's just so much to do, but at times, nobody to help. And this just doesn't pertain to the apartment, its like how I felt with my jaw, school, just everything in my life.
Which leads me to recall that experience. Right now I'm doing better, but when I first found out, I stayed calm, thinking to myself it wouldn't be that bad. Which it wouldn't have been, if it was during the summer where I didn't have as many responsibilites. But at the beginning of school where I was taking a pretty heavy load of 16 units, although it doesn't seem like much in terms of units, thats 3 science classes and a poetry class (I hate poetry). So basically school has been keeping me extremely busy and it doesn't seem like there's anyway to slow it down. Right now I'm just looking forward to the weekend where I get to have a smoke, organize stuff for my place, play games, and just overall relaxe without having to worry about a midterm on Monday (I've had midterms for the past 3weeks if you include this week). Oh, and I miss going out to parties and going to the gym. These things helped me let of stress and just have fun, although many people don't think that the gym is fun, it really helps me get rid of a bunch of stress in my life, which I've been going to getting high at the end of a day for some relief.
To summarize things, apartment is barren, school is hard, barely any sleep sucks, fraternity stuff is taking up a little bit of time (not much, but it adds up), lack of social life basically, left side of my jaw is still numb and hurts from surgery (small, cold, constant pain), still got a little more then a week left with the hardware in my mouth, blazing too much, staying up way too late to get things done. Hopefully I'll get through Tuesday with the satisfaction that I did well on my midterm and I wrote a solid paper. After that, I get to relaxe and just go to class, which isn't that bad if you have an idea on what they are talking about. I should clarify that my classes are hard, but I am pretty much interested in most of the material, even my english class, although I think thats because of my professor (he's weird, but he clarifies things and makes it humorous).
Hope everybody else is doing good in their life, I wish I won the lottery, or found a bag of money.
I just really want to do everything that I want to do in life. But it just seems like I'm so limited in what I can do, it just gnaws at me until it hits me that I need to get stuff done or I'll soon be overwhelmed again. Well hopefully this weekend I'll be able to go get some much needed stuff for our apartment from some thrift shops and such. I really hate having to spend my money on stuff, but I guess I just want nice things. Or at least things that make my living place seem more comfortable. Its just how I feel about things in my life. I don't want to live in a constant craphole, and I don't want to fuck things up. I want to do things right, like how a guy should really do shit. There's just so much to do, but at times, nobody to help. And this just doesn't pertain to the apartment, its like how I felt with my jaw, school, just everything in my life.
Which leads me to recall that experience. Right now I'm doing better, but when I first found out, I stayed calm, thinking to myself it wouldn't be that bad. Which it wouldn't have been, if it was during the summer where I didn't have as many responsibilites. But at the beginning of school where I was taking a pretty heavy load of 16 units, although it doesn't seem like much in terms of units, thats 3 science classes and a poetry class (I hate poetry). So basically school has been keeping me extremely busy and it doesn't seem like there's anyway to slow it down. Right now I'm just looking forward to the weekend where I get to have a smoke, organize stuff for my place, play games, and just overall relaxe without having to worry about a midterm on Monday (I've had midterms for the past 3weeks if you include this week). Oh, and I miss going out to parties and going to the gym. These things helped me let of stress and just have fun, although many people don't think that the gym is fun, it really helps me get rid of a bunch of stress in my life, which I've been going to getting high at the end of a day for some relief.
To summarize things, apartment is barren, school is hard, barely any sleep sucks, fraternity stuff is taking up a little bit of time (not much, but it adds up), lack of social life basically, left side of my jaw is still numb and hurts from surgery (small, cold, constant pain), still got a little more then a week left with the hardware in my mouth, blazing too much, staying up way too late to get things done. Hopefully I'll get through Tuesday with the satisfaction that I did well on my midterm and I wrote a solid paper. After that, I get to relaxe and just go to class, which isn't that bad if you have an idea on what they are talking about. I should clarify that my classes are hard, but I am pretty much interested in most of the material, even my english class, although I think thats because of my professor (he's weird, but he clarifies things and makes it humorous).
Hope everybody else is doing good in their life, I wish I won the lottery, or found a bag of money.