Confident?
So it's been like six months since I've had a moment to really sit down and put my thoughts on "paper". A lot and nothing has happened simultaneously. I can say that I have grown more comfortable with the idea and concept of being single. I still prefer to have someone to call my own, but I am approaching two years of the single life here in July and I'm completely okay with that.
At this stage in my life, I feel that I have a better grasp on the way the world works. From work to relationships, to -ships of all kinds, I understand them a bit better. I also feel like I feel the aging process beginning. Not only physically but mentally. No longer do I crave to get shit-face wasted or dance all night (get grinded on by some gross sweaty drunk "couples"), nor do I require the constant stream of communication from my significant other at the time. I have fun on my own and others are just a bonus.
My cat has really become one of the biggest joys in my life. She's always there even when I'm falling to pieces to curl up next to me that night. Working at Disney makes me appreciate the wonder and point of view that children bring to adults, but it has also made me even more hesitant towards having children anytime in the near future. They just seem like a constant source of pain and a drain of energy and money in general.
As for my love life--if you can even call it that--I have three men in my life currently. There is Manuel, friends with benefits. There is Devon, might love him under certain conditions. And there is Jason, the perfect guy whom I have no chemistry with who also happens to live in Tallahassee.
Devon sent this text to me that I have been waiting to hear for the longest time:
Devon- "Well for what it's worth, you were really sweet and really really good to be with and I hope for another chance if our paths make sense together"
Me- "It's worth a lot. Can you clarify what you meant by 'really good to be with'"
Devon-"I loved spending time with you and being close with you and also loved all the physical things we did"
Basically he told me that him and his girlfriend have been on the verge of breaking up for the past 3 months.I deserve better than the way he makes me his second choice but I can't help the inexplicable feeling I get when Im around him. (Manuel just texted lol "Are you going to be back in Orlando tonight?")
However, as I was watching the Bachelorette (andy), something they said hit close to home for me. She said she didn't want to settle. And sure, I have heard that a bunch of times, "don't settle". But it finally clicked. Sure you could be happy with quite a few people, but dont you want that butterfly-giving-heart-stopping kind of love? I do. I also want someone that I don't have to convince to be with me. I want them to just charm me and be in awe of my beauty and intelligence and just love me for who I am right now. It's tough because I have to break old habits of trying to be a people pleaser and just be kind of selfish. Because I'm the only person who is going to look out for me, no one else.
That applies to my work life as well, but that one is a little easier said than done. It makes logical sense that there is no loss to networking but I just haven't mustered up the courage to do it.
Also, haven't committed to a date for the FE exam. I know I should do it at the end of the summer, but it just seems so close. I want to just pass it the first time, and I also know that the fall will be even more busy with BHS and trying to finish my last two courses.
Where is the scholarly Suzy that I used to be? Does she still live in me? I think so, just gotta dig deep since I have been out of school for about 10 months now.
No more to share for now. Hopefully I'll have more updates soon. Devon is with boston crusaders since I left to puerto rico. He said he'd be there for about 3 weeks so he should be back in a week or two.
Suzy
At this stage in my life, I feel that I have a better grasp on the way the world works. From work to relationships, to -ships of all kinds, I understand them a bit better. I also feel like I feel the aging process beginning. Not only physically but mentally. No longer do I crave to get shit-face wasted or dance all night (get grinded on by some gross sweaty drunk "couples"), nor do I require the constant stream of communication from my significant other at the time. I have fun on my own and others are just a bonus.
My cat has really become one of the biggest joys in my life. She's always there even when I'm falling to pieces to curl up next to me that night. Working at Disney makes me appreciate the wonder and point of view that children bring to adults, but it has also made me even more hesitant towards having children anytime in the near future. They just seem like a constant source of pain and a drain of energy and money in general.
As for my love life--if you can even call it that--I have three men in my life currently. There is Manuel, friends with benefits. There is Devon, might love him under certain conditions. And there is Jason, the perfect guy whom I have no chemistry with who also happens to live in Tallahassee.
Devon sent this text to me that I have been waiting to hear for the longest time:
Devon- "Well for what it's worth, you were really sweet and really really good to be with and I hope for another chance if our paths make sense together"
Me- "It's worth a lot. Can you clarify what you meant by 'really good to be with'"
Devon-"I loved spending time with you and being close with you and also loved all the physical things we did"
Basically he told me that him and his girlfriend have been on the verge of breaking up for the past 3 months.I deserve better than the way he makes me his second choice but I can't help the inexplicable feeling I get when Im around him. (Manuel just texted lol "Are you going to be back in Orlando tonight?")
However, as I was watching the Bachelorette (andy), something they said hit close to home for me. She said she didn't want to settle. And sure, I have heard that a bunch of times, "don't settle". But it finally clicked. Sure you could be happy with quite a few people, but dont you want that butterfly-giving-heart-stopping kind of love? I do. I also want someone that I don't have to convince to be with me. I want them to just charm me and be in awe of my beauty and intelligence and just love me for who I am right now. It's tough because I have to break old habits of trying to be a people pleaser and just be kind of selfish. Because I'm the only person who is going to look out for me, no one else.
That applies to my work life as well, but that one is a little easier said than done. It makes logical sense that there is no loss to networking but I just haven't mustered up the courage to do it.
Also, haven't committed to a date for the FE exam. I know I should do it at the end of the summer, but it just seems so close. I want to just pass it the first time, and I also know that the fall will be even more busy with BHS and trying to finish my last two courses.
Where is the scholarly Suzy that I used to be? Does she still live in me? I think so, just gotta dig deep since I have been out of school for about 10 months now.
No more to share for now. Hopefully I'll have more updates soon. Devon is with boston crusaders since I left to puerto rico. He said he'd be there for about 3 weeks so he should be back in a week or two.
Suzy