(no subject)
Wow I feel dumb. For some reason today I just feel dumb. Especially right now. I feel smart intellectually, like I did my homework and I understood it and all and I feel smart for doing that. But in life, I just feel dumb. Dumb for expecting things. Dumb for doing dumb things. Dumb for saying things. Dumb for wanting other people to say things I know they won't. Dumb for assuming things. Dumb for reading into things. Dumb for asking questions. Dumb for wanting people to reassure me of things that I should be confident about. Dumb for not doing things when I should have. Dumb for complaining so much. Dumb for needing to quit. Dumb for writing this.
But I feel smart because I got my homework done and I made it a priority for today. I feel smart because I figured out how to rip CDs' on to my mp3 player all by myself. Because I asked Bigelow to help me with my questions on genetics. Because I am the only one who can fix the printer. Because I can teach some people how to do things. Because I helped Dave to learn to study better yesterday. Because I can hold an intellectual discussion with him about lots of stuff. Because I came to terms with my decision to stay here. Because I grew up enough to be honest with him. Because I like reading my Anthro book. Because I can make smart ass comments about my text book. Because I can on occasion say really smart stuff. Because I like all sorts of music. Because mom says she knows I am strong because of how hard I hold on to my anger. (that was the first time I could ever see that maybe I am kinda strong.) Smart because I have lots of memories of people saying good things about me. Because I haven't procrastinated hardly at all this quarter. Because I found, investigated and purchased my own car. Because when I want to figure something out, I think about it until I do figure it out (or until I decide that it hurts my brain to much to figure it out.) Because I know how I learn best. Because I can kind of hold my own in discussions with friends. Because I decided after writing the last line of why I feel dumb, I should write a bunch of reasons why I feel smart. Not only to make me look not quite so unhappy, but for my sake. So I can read this and remember why I should feel smart a lot more than I do.
Now back to ripping CD's. woot woot.
But I feel smart because I got my homework done and I made it a priority for today. I feel smart because I figured out how to rip CDs' on to my mp3 player all by myself. Because I asked Bigelow to help me with my questions on genetics. Because I am the only one who can fix the printer. Because I can teach some people how to do things. Because I helped Dave to learn to study better yesterday. Because I can hold an intellectual discussion with him about lots of stuff. Because I came to terms with my decision to stay here. Because I grew up enough to be honest with him. Because I like reading my Anthro book. Because I can make smart ass comments about my text book. Because I can on occasion say really smart stuff. Because I like all sorts of music. Because mom says she knows I am strong because of how hard I hold on to my anger. (that was the first time I could ever see that maybe I am kinda strong.) Smart because I have lots of memories of people saying good things about me. Because I haven't procrastinated hardly at all this quarter. Because I found, investigated and purchased my own car. Because when I want to figure something out, I think about it until I do figure it out (or until I decide that it hurts my brain to much to figure it out.) Because I know how I learn best. Because I can kind of hold my own in discussions with friends. Because I decided after writing the last line of why I feel dumb, I should write a bunch of reasons why I feel smart. Not only to make me look not quite so unhappy, but for my sake. So I can read this and remember why I should feel smart a lot more than I do.
Now back to ripping CD's. woot woot.