overdue on an update.
alright my last few post were emotional wreck post. now im more balanced out i supose you can say. heres the scoop on what went down last weekend and uptill now.
As most of you know monday of last week was a special day in my life. i meet a girl whom i decided that i could let myself feel for. its been quite a long time(2.5yearish) since i really had a thought like that. Anyway, i spent all week anticipating going out with her on friday for her birthday. i even took a half day off so i could get cleaned up, and meet her earlier than if i got off at 1130. Well friday rolled around, and i skiped school. i went to work like normal, but my anxiety levels where already uber high. At work we are dealing with like 13 million d cells looking for defects ran earlier in the month. well all the higher ups where hanging around my line getting in the way, and everything was dirty... well i kinda flipped my lid a bit. shit happens... atleast i had taken a half day. i managed to get out of there with out doing something stupid luckaly. i took a long shower to calm down, and it worked purdy well. so i got dressed, had so preparty time protein, and made my way up to applebee's to wait on Ashleigh. Well she finally got there, and well things didnt turn out like planed. spent most of the night following her around get more and more iritated by the happening. by the end of the night, my friend Sandra calls, and ask if i can give her a ride home, cause shes drank to much. so i go pick her up at the bar... i was kinda pissy about it to. to be honest i was quite the asshole toward Sandra when i got there to pick her up. ended up finishing her drink so we could get out of there. although it didnt really work, cause i then tried to explain my stand on her, and me. she got a call from a freind who was at the same bar i was going to next, so i figured id just take her over there, why not right? WTF was i thinking anyways. We got to the othe rbar where i paid for my and Sandra to get in, and then i left her and made a line for Ashleigh well the next we hours wernt any better than those at applebees, so finally Sandra say i was lonly and came over to talk to me, which after a while they played my recent theme song "White and Nerdy" and i was drug along onto the dance floor, where Sandra and I dance for a while. i notice Ashleigh noticed what i was doing... well after a while NIN came on, and after that i said fuck this, and me and Sandra hit the door, and went back to her place, where i got those lovly marks that i posted earlier in the week. after a while i got a text from Ashleigh... not a good one either. i spent the next few hours laying there thinking WTF over and over again... finally around 7ish i got up, took Sandra to her car at another bar. I headed up to The river, and spent some hours up there writing, and just thinking things through. it was saturday and sleep never really happened. Saturday night after doing mostly nothing allday i passed out for a 13 hour dead period. sunday i woke, and read somthing a friend of mine had wrote while i was pased out, and it helped me get my head on straight. This week has been crazy, untill now sunday night had been the last time i slept in my own bed. i took my car to the shop tuesday morning, and i was staying with Sandra so i could easliy walk to school if needed. although i got a ride there... i did walk back to her place after class. She took me to work, and picked me up also. She really does care... sadly probly more than i do. Today Ashleigh made efforts to try and talk to me, which made me happy. i decided id leave here alone on monday, and just let her figure things out, and i think we'll atleast be able to remain freinds i do so very much hope.
theres probly more, but at this point i think ill just pass out.
As most of you know monday of last week was a special day in my life. i meet a girl whom i decided that i could let myself feel for. its been quite a long time(2.5yearish) since i really had a thought like that. Anyway, i spent all week anticipating going out with her on friday for her birthday. i even took a half day off so i could get cleaned up, and meet her earlier than if i got off at 1130. Well friday rolled around, and i skiped school. i went to work like normal, but my anxiety levels where already uber high. At work we are dealing with like 13 million d cells looking for defects ran earlier in the month. well all the higher ups where hanging around my line getting in the way, and everything was dirty... well i kinda flipped my lid a bit. shit happens... atleast i had taken a half day. i managed to get out of there with out doing something stupid luckaly. i took a long shower to calm down, and it worked purdy well. so i got dressed, had so preparty time protein, and made my way up to applebee's to wait on Ashleigh. Well she finally got there, and well things didnt turn out like planed. spent most of the night following her around get more and more iritated by the happening. by the end of the night, my friend Sandra calls, and ask if i can give her a ride home, cause shes drank to much. so i go pick her up at the bar... i was kinda pissy about it to. to be honest i was quite the asshole toward Sandra when i got there to pick her up. ended up finishing her drink so we could get out of there. although it didnt really work, cause i then tried to explain my stand on her, and me. she got a call from a freind who was at the same bar i was going to next, so i figured id just take her over there, why not right? WTF was i thinking anyways. We got to the othe rbar where i paid for my and Sandra to get in, and then i left her and made a line for Ashleigh well the next we hours wernt any better than those at applebees, so finally Sandra say i was lonly and came over to talk to me, which after a while they played my recent theme song "White and Nerdy" and i was drug along onto the dance floor, where Sandra and I dance for a while. i notice Ashleigh noticed what i was doing... well after a while NIN came on, and after that i said fuck this, and me and Sandra hit the door, and went back to her place, where i got those lovly marks that i posted earlier in the week. after a while i got a text from Ashleigh... not a good one either. i spent the next few hours laying there thinking WTF over and over again... finally around 7ish i got up, took Sandra to her car at another bar. I headed up to The river, and spent some hours up there writing, and just thinking things through. it was saturday and sleep never really happened. Saturday night after doing mostly nothing allday i passed out for a 13 hour dead period. sunday i woke, and read somthing a friend of mine had wrote while i was pased out, and it helped me get my head on straight. This week has been crazy, untill now sunday night had been the last time i slept in my own bed. i took my car to the shop tuesday morning, and i was staying with Sandra so i could easliy walk to school if needed. although i got a ride there... i did walk back to her place after class. She took me to work, and picked me up also. She really does care... sadly probly more than i do. Today Ashleigh made efforts to try and talk to me, which made me happy. i decided id leave here alone on monday, and just let her figure things out, and i think we'll atleast be able to remain freinds i do so very much hope.
theres probly more, but at this point i think ill just pass out.