You haven't ever
You've never felt the rush of a heartbeat that's going way to fast, as your hand goes to the waist, the beats go up and up. They keep going higher and higher till the moment and dophamine drop away. The exhiliration of that closeness, the sparkle of those eyes and the warmth of that body. ... You've never met that.
You haven't ever had the fear, black and death, in your mouth as there dark's pressed all around and you can't see two feet in front of you. Blindness coming too soon to a man who likes to read. The fog presses in some more as you shuffle one foot after another, friends gone way too far ahead, your feet the gravel path behind. You've never felt that.
You haven't ever burst in front of a class, a boil oozing over with pus since someone jammed a stick at it. You're furious at the kids, at the class, at the situation... at yourself. It seems too dumb for the kids to get away with so you let them know what you think with all the force of every other little shitty thing that's been done to you. They deserve some of it, but not all and it makes you worry sometimes that you've got them stepping on eggshells with what they'll try and do at school. You want them to mess around, you want them to get away with it. But most of all you want them to be smart about it.
You haven't ever looked at yourself - Not me, but yourself - in the mirror and thought how words can cut. You'd have it as a great refraction of words, and echoe that would cut straight to the heart and place a beetle that would wriggle and jiggle and niggle till you turn yourself inside out to get it. You'd see how it's not all a competition and how nothing needs to be sabotaged. No teeth, no claws, no switchblades which spring halfway through the conversation.
Haven't you ever thought of seeing what was going on through all that noise.
So what's the use? Why try for anything when each meeting I'm sucked dry?
An ancient piece of friendship, a stubborn mule of pride?
Well not now. There's not nothing, but a regret to change the nature of a man.
######
A bit mopey but good. Thought I'd throw something up seeing as it's been a while. Life is a bit hectic as always, but enjoyable for the most part. I'll be trying for more short stories instead of poetry/radical prose? so that'll be something to work towards.
You haven't ever had the fear, black and death, in your mouth as there dark's pressed all around and you can't see two feet in front of you. Blindness coming too soon to a man who likes to read. The fog presses in some more as you shuffle one foot after another, friends gone way too far ahead, your feet the gravel path behind. You've never felt that.
You haven't ever burst in front of a class, a boil oozing over with pus since someone jammed a stick at it. You're furious at the kids, at the class, at the situation... at yourself. It seems too dumb for the kids to get away with so you let them know what you think with all the force of every other little shitty thing that's been done to you. They deserve some of it, but not all and it makes you worry sometimes that you've got them stepping on eggshells with what they'll try and do at school. You want them to mess around, you want them to get away with it. But most of all you want them to be smart about it.
You haven't ever looked at yourself - Not me, but yourself - in the mirror and thought how words can cut. You'd have it as a great refraction of words, and echoe that would cut straight to the heart and place a beetle that would wriggle and jiggle and niggle till you turn yourself inside out to get it. You'd see how it's not all a competition and how nothing needs to be sabotaged. No teeth, no claws, no switchblades which spring halfway through the conversation.
Haven't you ever thought of seeing what was going on through all that noise.
So what's the use? Why try for anything when each meeting I'm sucked dry?
An ancient piece of friendship, a stubborn mule of pride?
Well not now. There's not nothing, but a regret to change the nature of a man.
######
A bit mopey but good. Thought I'd throw something up seeing as it's been a while. Life is a bit hectic as always, but enjoyable for the most part. I'll be trying for more short stories instead of poetry/radical prose? so that'll be something to work towards.