since i'm bored and waiting for stearnie to call...
DISCLAIMER: after reading over this entry once i had finished with it, i noticed that it is very jumbled and all over the place and talks about a lot of things, but i haven't updated in a while so i needed to just talk.
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well the semester is quickly coming to a close and now is when it gets really tough. i have about give or take 10 to 15 projects to fully complete by the end in order to pass. which is usually the case for me, and it is also usual that i don't complete them entirely and to the best of my ability. however, that cannot be the case this time around, because i REALLY need to impress my profs and hopefully they won't fail my ass and make me repeat everything. honestly, i have never been in more fear of completing a semester in my entire life. i have never been more afraid that my profs won't pass me. but if i don't pass, i can't stay at uarts because my financial aid will not cover me and then i don't know what i'll do. so i'm crossing my fingers and praying that i can pull something out of my ass that will get me by.
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so everytime i'm home i get sorta reminiscent about herndon and old times. tonight i explored the new internet craze THEFACEBOOK.COM (with stearnie's password, because i can't get one because uarts is SO not a real college that they don't even show up in the database of this site) and i found a lot of people from high school. a lot of them had pictures too and it just made me sorta miss them. i know it's dumb, but i really can't wait to go the reunion in a couple of years. and i was so ready to leave and get the hell outta there when it was all over, but now...i dunno. i know it's just cause i'm here, but it would be kinda cool to talk to some of those people again and just see how there lives are. and i think i'm also wierd about it all because i think i kinda miss having friends. i've gotten so wrapped up with school work and seeing stearnie (which i'm not complaining about ;) ) that i've lost touch with a lot of people. i just wanna talk to some people on im again. i wanna go over and hang at people's places. i just miss people.
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well while looking through my closet here the other night, i found a lot of stuff that brought back some memories. i found the infamous "GAY BOX" that amie, annie, and jenn gave me on my 18th b-day right after i had come out. it just made me pee looking through all of that stuff again. i found a journal that i used to write in, pre-Livejournal. it had this stuff about danny everson and brice, and about being at the beach with the girls for my senior beach week. i found a lot of stuff from pittsburgh too. it's all just so wierd to me. it seems like a lifetime ago. and through all of those times i was so miserable. maybe not on the outside, but deep down i was really fucked up and sad. and it's hard to even believe that that was me. i'm so happy now. i'm happy that i finally have love and that it's real.
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stearnie is coming to visit me tomorrow, and i am so excited! he's going to get to meet bear and tobes and justin. i want them to know him so that when they show up to the wedding they have some idea of who the hell he is :). i can't wait to see him. yes i am one of those boys who can't stand to be away from his boyfriend for more than a day or two, but i don't care. i love him.
till next time...