a new chapter, the severalth.......
THINGS I NEED TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM:
-drugs (this is the hardest thing that i have ever been doing... close to half a year coming up and i feel so many kinds of ways about it that i shouldn't even be thinking about it. because i am at a point right now where i feel like not doing drugs SUCKS. sorry but i just can't deny that is what i think. part of me really wishes that i thought differently but then again i don't fucking care. part of me is really upset and sincerely wants to AVOID THE HELL OUT OF A RELAPSE. and then another part of me is saying "let's just fucking do it already!!!" soooo yeah. i guess for now my goal is to remain OFF NARCOTICS and it brings us to the second bullet point of
-NOT DRINKING EVERY DAY (which is, now that the days are getting to be longer and warmer, apparently the second hardest thing that i have ever been doing because i drank both saturday and sunday and would have MOST GLADLY drank again today but (un...)FORTUNATELY my older and wiser boyfriend sarcasmed me out of it, though i succombed with much inner resentment and dissatisfaction.
-fatty foods. everything that i love in the world i apparently am unworthy of. i am such a fucking hippo i make myself sick to see me in the mirror. i hate the way i look and i want to take those over the counter speed pills so badly even if they do give me cancer in ten years down the road I WANT TO BE SKINNY AGAIN GOD DAMNIT BUT I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT THE FUCKING HEALTHY WAY BECAUSE FUCK I FUCKING HATE THIS GODDAMNED SHIT SO FUCKING MUCH WHY AM I DOING THIS WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT I WANT TO CRYYYYY fucking steaks.... CHEESE oh my lovely cheeses i am going to miss you :(....... everything deep fried, chocolatey, sugary, delicious.......
-my computer. it is a distraction of all distractions and i will never get any fucking thing accomplished as long as i am within a thirty foot radius of my darling spandy beautiful new computer......... of all things I SAID I DIDN'T FUCKING WANT to get me for my birthday of course my mother JUST HAD to get me this. she is going to be the death of me one fucking way or another.........
-supporting major corporations that do nothing for the world. IE: coca cola, kellogg, nestle, kraft, johnson & johnson, ETC. also i want to stop spending my HARD EARNED SLAVE WAGES at walmart. period. eventually i really truly want to stop spending my HESW on cigarettes too because THEY FUCKING SUCK MORE THAN NOT DOING REAL DRUGS)
WHAT I NEED MORE OF:
-water. i need to replace EVERYTHING i drink with water. end of story. UGH.
-fiber. foods with high fiber will make me shit and shitting = getting rid of fat which i desperately need to do. Here is a list of fibrous foods that i am going to EAT MORE OF and LOVE IT: pears, mangos, strawberries, blackberries, raisins, rye bread, almonds, garbanzo beans, quinoa, artichokes, brussels sprouts, cabbage, corn, avocado, brown rice, edamame, raspberries, peas, broccoli
-veggies. this is basically the same as the above statement but i really need to start eating better and i need to start eating healthier. so less fucking SHIT and more of the good stuff. but i gotta make sure it really is good - no GMOs! i mean i am going through all this fucking trouble to NOT DO DRUGS (ugh) i may as well be fucking healthy otherwise what the FUCK is the point (what the fuck is the point of anything is what i REALLY want to know but i guess while i have a goal i may as well stick with it even if i do have my doubts) i pretty much am about to just start eating the dirt in my yard since it's basically impossible to trust FUCKING ANYTHING PACKAGED AND SOLD IN AMERICA (maybe everywhere?) these days
-exercise. the number one way (so i hear) to get rid of this EVIL ICKY UGLY BODY FAT of mine is to WORK IT OFF. so time to get into it.
GROSS. I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.
-drugs (this is the hardest thing that i have ever been doing... close to half a year coming up and i feel so many kinds of ways about it that i shouldn't even be thinking about it. because i am at a point right now where i feel like not doing drugs SUCKS. sorry but i just can't deny that is what i think. part of me really wishes that i thought differently but then again i don't fucking care. part of me is really upset and sincerely wants to AVOID THE HELL OUT OF A RELAPSE. and then another part of me is saying "let's just fucking do it already!!!" soooo yeah. i guess for now my goal is to remain OFF NARCOTICS and it brings us to the second bullet point of
-NOT DRINKING EVERY DAY (which is, now that the days are getting to be longer and warmer, apparently the second hardest thing that i have ever been doing because i drank both saturday and sunday and would have MOST GLADLY drank again today but (un...)FORTUNATELY my older and wiser boyfriend sarcasmed me out of it, though i succombed with much inner resentment and dissatisfaction.
-fatty foods. everything that i love in the world i apparently am unworthy of. i am such a fucking hippo i make myself sick to see me in the mirror. i hate the way i look and i want to take those over the counter speed pills so badly even if they do give me cancer in ten years down the road I WANT TO BE SKINNY AGAIN GOD DAMNIT BUT I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT THE FUCKING HEALTHY WAY BECAUSE FUCK I FUCKING HATE THIS GODDAMNED SHIT SO FUCKING MUCH WHY AM I DOING THIS WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT I WANT TO CRYYYYY fucking steaks.... CHEESE oh my lovely cheeses i am going to miss you :(....... everything deep fried, chocolatey, sugary, delicious.......
-my computer. it is a distraction of all distractions and i will never get any fucking thing accomplished as long as i am within a thirty foot radius of my darling spandy beautiful new computer......... of all things I SAID I DIDN'T FUCKING WANT to get me for my birthday of course my mother JUST HAD to get me this. she is going to be the death of me one fucking way or another.........
-supporting major corporations that do nothing for the world. IE: coca cola, kellogg, nestle, kraft, johnson & johnson, ETC. also i want to stop spending my HARD EARNED SLAVE WAGES at walmart. period. eventually i really truly want to stop spending my HESW on cigarettes too because THEY FUCKING SUCK MORE THAN NOT DOING REAL DRUGS)
WHAT I NEED MORE OF:
-water. i need to replace EVERYTHING i drink with water. end of story. UGH.
-fiber. foods with high fiber will make me shit and shitting = getting rid of fat which i desperately need to do. Here is a list of fibrous foods that i am going to EAT MORE OF and LOVE IT: pears, mangos, strawberries, blackberries, raisins, rye bread, almonds, garbanzo beans, quinoa, artichokes, brussels sprouts, cabbage, corn, avocado, brown rice, edamame, raspberries, peas, broccoli
-veggies. this is basically the same as the above statement but i really need to start eating better and i need to start eating healthier. so less fucking SHIT and more of the good stuff. but i gotta make sure it really is good - no GMOs! i mean i am going through all this fucking trouble to NOT DO DRUGS (ugh) i may as well be fucking healthy otherwise what the FUCK is the point (what the fuck is the point of anything is what i REALLY want to know but i guess while i have a goal i may as well stick with it even if i do have my doubts) i pretty much am about to just start eating the dirt in my yard since it's basically impossible to trust FUCKING ANYTHING PACKAGED AND SOLD IN AMERICA (maybe everywhere?) these days
-exercise. the number one way (so i hear) to get rid of this EVIL ICKY UGLY BODY FAT of mine is to WORK IT OFF. so time to get into it.
GROSS. I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE.