1.1: 2010 is upon us...
So, I haven't really divulged as of late, stuck in the same "whatever time I have to write goes into writing about music" scenario that I've been upholding for awhile now. Since the last time I wrote I got to enjoy a World Series game, got to see a couple shows, was in a wedding and celebrated my 33rd birthday... all while broke as a muhfckn' joke. As happy as I am to see 2009 go, it had its moments.
Both Jenniah and Bella are sleeping. I figured I'd take the free time to exercise my fingers a bit and unload. I'm two swallows away from finishing my fourth cup of coffee and I'm having a hard time believing it's already dark outside. I don't know where the days go anymore. Sometimes, it's as if having children spares you of experiencing any actual 60 second minutes of the day, exchanging them for some K-Mart variety generic minute that lasts about 25 seconds. Time doesn't exist anymore, except to be acknowledged as missing.
The Holidays were nice, but I'm relieved that they've ended. My head's been invested in 2010 since probably the first of December, just ready to move on and try to improve on last year's obstacles. All things considered, though, Bella's doing really well, speaking, running and having a great time being an almost two-year old. It's damn near impossible to be in a bad mood when I see her, all wide-eyed, smiling and happy to see me. Giving me hugs. Waving to me. "Hi." High-pitched and sweet like she's asking for an answer. It sometimes occurs to me that I've probably approached most of my life with cold resignation, acceptance, some tolerance, but mostly a feeling of obligation. Until you've experienced being the object of affection for a child, (or even your spouse, for that matter), whose spirit is everyday fueled by wonder, excitement and the exhilaration of discovery, you do feel better about yourself. All the assurances of "you're a swell guy" don't seem to compare to knowing what it is to be an anticipated factor in your child's life. That, something as mundane as your coming home, could be seen as an event sort of breaks your heart, but warms you to point of wondering why you had such a bleak view.
I've been too emotional lately.
Jenniah and I celebrated three years in October. We faced a lot of challenges last year between the two of us, no worse than 2008, but still fairly turbulent. Still, we're doing okay. She makes me stronger. Better. I feel more willing to tackle problems with her encouragement and not allow myself to wallow or crumble under pressure, though, at points, I could feel my knees buckling. I hope she feels the same way.
2010 will hopefully be a better year for everyone. Trying to keep some optimism.
Both Jenniah and Bella are sleeping. I figured I'd take the free time to exercise my fingers a bit and unload. I'm two swallows away from finishing my fourth cup of coffee and I'm having a hard time believing it's already dark outside. I don't know where the days go anymore. Sometimes, it's as if having children spares you of experiencing any actual 60 second minutes of the day, exchanging them for some K-Mart variety generic minute that lasts about 25 seconds. Time doesn't exist anymore, except to be acknowledged as missing.
The Holidays were nice, but I'm relieved that they've ended. My head's been invested in 2010 since probably the first of December, just ready to move on and try to improve on last year's obstacles. All things considered, though, Bella's doing really well, speaking, running and having a great time being an almost two-year old. It's damn near impossible to be in a bad mood when I see her, all wide-eyed, smiling and happy to see me. Giving me hugs. Waving to me. "Hi." High-pitched and sweet like she's asking for an answer. It sometimes occurs to me that I've probably approached most of my life with cold resignation, acceptance, some tolerance, but mostly a feeling of obligation. Until you've experienced being the object of affection for a child, (or even your spouse, for that matter), whose spirit is everyday fueled by wonder, excitement and the exhilaration of discovery, you do feel better about yourself. All the assurances of "you're a swell guy" don't seem to compare to knowing what it is to be an anticipated factor in your child's life. That, something as mundane as your coming home, could be seen as an event sort of breaks your heart, but warms you to point of wondering why you had such a bleak view.
I've been too emotional lately.
Jenniah and I celebrated three years in October. We faced a lot of challenges last year between the two of us, no worse than 2008, but still fairly turbulent. Still, we're doing okay. She makes me stronger. Better. I feel more willing to tackle problems with her encouragement and not allow myself to wallow or crumble under pressure, though, at points, I could feel my knees buckling. I hope she feels the same way.
2010 will hopefully be a better year for everyone. Trying to keep some optimism.