Emergency Alternative Diet
First of all, I forgot to greet my journal a Happy Birthday last May 24th. One year old. Ooooweee!! Thanks to all the people who have read and commented. I can't believe you guys actually read this drivel.;P
In other news, vomiting does make you lose weight. I unwittingly found this out last Monday after eating a day-old siomai from Santa Rosa, Laguna. Almost three hours of non-stop heaving and hoeing. Every time I thought that the vomiting would stop, it would start-up again. I saw the siomai, pancit, and fish that I had for dinner go, even the soy sauce with calamansi I had dipped the siomai into, all the orange juice I had drunk, and rice. I purged until there was nothing left to upchuck but gastric juices. I had finally understood the true meaning of the word "gut-wrenching". I kept expecting chunks of stomache to appear with every purge.
After the first half hour or so, I had actually started considering living in the bathroom. I thought to myself that I could sleep and take my meals in the tub, and even work in the tub by borrowing my dad's laptop, so that when I felt like vomiting again, I could just sit-up and lean over without having to get-up and walk to the toilet. The bathroom could be my new home! Yes, the vomiting was that bad. I had never felt so empty and depleted in all my life. Then the diarrhea started, which wasn't as bad as the vomiting. What was REALLY bad was when I had to go, but also had to vomit at the same time. I'll spare the details regarding THAT.
My parents finally found me and rushed me into the Emergency Room of Asian Hospital, where I was tested, injected, and treated until I was right as rain. I think I lost about half a Joanne that Monday night, which is BAD news for me. I wouldn't recommend food poisoning as an alternative way to lose weight. For one thing, it's a very miserable, excruciating experience, and for another, it's not attractive. Vomit and excrement do not a pretty make.
The good news about this whole experience is that I'm not dead. The better news is that I got treated by a doctor who looked like a late twenties to early thirties Boticelli angel. He had curly brown hair, the kind thoughtcauldron would call biblical curls, arresting, soft blue eyes, and creamy, pale skin. No wonder they put him in the emergency room. What miserable, tortured patient wouldn't be calmed by the sight of this authoritative white angel in doctor's whites (But now that I think about it, it may be bad for patients with weak lungs or hearts because beholding the doctor's shining countenance may take one's breath away and stop the beating of one's heart but for a moment). The whole time he was treating me, besides being dizzy and faint (not because of the doctor but because of the food poisoning, mind you), I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. Who wouldn't be. Here was an attractive, clean, healthy doctor, and here I was, pale, sick, shivery, and vomiting.
Of course, my memory and visual perception could have been affected by my dangerously low blood pressure at that time (65-70), but I think that, objectively speaking, he's the best-looking doctor I had ever seen. So if you ladies and certain gentlemen ever plan to be in danger of your life, make sure you get admitted into the Emergency Room of Asian Hospital and get treated by Mr. Curly-Tops Blue Eyes M.D.