The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles

[ynngguk]

The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles | Kris/Chanyeol | 5k | NC-17 | It's Chanyeol's 21st 26th birthday and he is (not) too old for amusement parks.

Of Tattoos, Tops, Taddles, and Tail Feathers collection:
• Imagine Dragons (and Phoenix too!)
• The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles
• Half Lord of the Fishes
• Dancing with the Starfish



There was something so serene about the morning hours. Everything in Chanyeol's apartment was calm and quiet, the only sound was the soft snoring coming from his bedroom. Soft light streamed through half-closed blinds that were twisted in the direction that let onlookers peek through the cheap plastic, his kitchen was clean-the only clean room in the house-and that was good enough for Chanyeol. The whole image would be ruined if someone actually looked at Chanyeol, though, for his butt was high in the air, his comforter was crumpled underneath him, not covering his almost naked-the only thing covering him was his boxers-body, and his head was sideways on the pillow in a way that squished his lips into a formation that looked something like a duck's beak. Chanyeol himself was too busy dreaming of colorful lands to care what he looked like.

Everything was right in place, and it wouldn't be disturbed until-

“I feel it in my bones! Enough to make my systems blow!”

Chanyeol sat up with a gasp and looked around himself in confusion for a moment, not knowing where the screaming English man was. It wasn't until his wide, panicked eyes landed on his buzzing, lit up phone that his heart rate started to slow down and he sighed in annoyance as he picked up the device and slid the bar on the bottom.

“Wha--”

“Get up and dress in something nice,” came the demanding, deep voice on the other end of the line. Chanyeol was considerably more calm and tired again now that the pump of adrenaline left his system, so he just smacked his lips and scratched his chest where gold and white ink covered it before replying with a coy tone.

“Your nice and my nice are two totally different things.” Kris sighed, and Chanyeol could practically hear when he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Clean jeans and a presentable jacket.” Chanyeol laid back against his pillow and twirled a chunk of matted copper hair around his finger. A smirk played with his lips and he pulled the fluffy comforter over his long legs again.

“What's presentable? I think my frayed and patched denim jacket is presentable but you hate it so much you threatened to throw it in the trash.”

“Why are you being difficult.” Kris sounded annoyed, and Chanyeol did a small, victory fist pump. When he didn't answer, Kris tapped his finger on his phone, and Chanyeol could hear it like the boom of fireworks in his ear.

“I want to stay in bed a little longer,” he said and buried his face into his pillow and breathed in to smell Kris's shampoo, because he still hadn't washed his sheets from last time Kris decided Chanyeol's apartment was closer and crashed there to sleep. Kris chuckled lightly and the door to his car opened with a soft click through the receiver. Chanyeol yawned and spread out under his blanket and closed his eyes, keeping the phone glued to the side of his face.

“I'm coming up.”

“I know.” He heard the small exhale of breath through Kris's nose, and he knew Kris was smiling. “But I'm not coming to the door to let you in.”

“Why?” Kris whined, and he could hear him start to ascend the steps, both through the phone and through his half-open window.

“Because my hair's a mess and I'm only in my underwear.”

“I've seen you worse.”

“I don't care, I'm not getting up. And by the way,” he added when it sounded like Kris was about to hang up on him.

“What? I'm almost to your door.” Chanyeol could hear Kris's voice through his window also, and he giggled at the sound of two Krises.

“I don't like the song with the English man screaming about bones as your ringtone.”

“He's not screaming about bones.”

“Yes he is, he says 'bones.'” Kris chuckled and Chanyeol pouted as the sound of jingling keys and a turning deadbolt entered his ears.

“I'm going to hang up now,” Kris said as he walked through Chanyeol's messy living room and jumped over a garbage can.

“No! Don't!” Chanyeol whined and turned over so he was on his stomach and looking towards the door to his bedroom, expecting the older man to come in any second.

“Why?”

“Because I like talking to you on the phone.” Chanyeol bit his lip as Kris came into the room and unceremoniously tripped over an overturned laundry basket, landing on the floor with a big thump, and causing the downstairs neighbors to bag a broom against their ceiling, making the bangs come up through the floor as Kris cursed and got up, hanging up his phone and shoving it into his jeans pocket in the process. “They're going to hate me now, I hope you know,” Chanyeol giggled as Kris came over to pull his covers off.

He shoved his phone under his pillow-forgetting that he was probably going to have a meltdown later because he won't be able to find it-and gripped hard onto his comforter to prevent Kris from taking it from him. “Why are you even here? It's Saturday and we're closed I don't approve of being woken up at”- he craned his neck to look at his red digital clock-“seven thirty when The Wretched Huang Zitao isn't coming in for a tattoo.”

“Tsk tsk, princess Chanyeol can't even remember his own birthday,” Kris said after giving up on getting Chanyeol's covers off and sifting through his closet. Chanyeol reached for his phone where it should have been on the night stand, had a mini heart attack, and then fished it out from underneath his pillow before looking at the date.

“It is my birthday! I'm finally turning twenty-one!” Kris slowly turned around from the closet, his fingers gripping a white v-neck tee shirt, as he scowled at Chanyeol, who was doing a fist-pump dance.

“You've been trying to pull that trick since you turned sixteen. Do I also have to remind you your age, or does your phone tell you that too?” Chanyeol stuck his tongue out at Kris and collapsed onto his pillow again. He yelped when the comforter was all of a sudden gone and the cold air of his apartment met his bare skin, making him shiver.

“Hey--”

“Twenty-six's a bitch. Now get up and get dressed.” He tossed the white shirt he was holding earlier, a pair of bleached skinny jeans, and the red North Face Denali jacket Kris got him for his last birthday at him. Chanyeol whined as he gripped the clothing and stood up. He set the pile on his bed and slipped on the shirt.

“But I don't wanna be twenty-six,” Chanyeol whined and pretended to cry. “Twenty-six is so old--”

“Hey, I'm older than twenty-six, and I'm not old.”

“Yes you are. You've been old since you turned twenty-two. The fun was sucked out of you then.” He squeaked when a pillow went flying at his face and he fell on the floor with his jeans only up to his knees. Down below, the neighbors banged their broom. “You hurt me,” Chanyeol said and laid on the floor with his arms wide and his pants half on and kept pretending to cry. Kris put his face in his hands and Chanyeol eventually got finished getting dressed just because he was afraid Kris's hands would get stuck to his face if he stayed like that for too long.

He hopped out of the door after Kris still putting on his red and black plaid snow boots and a comb in his mouth. His hair was stuffed in a black beanie and he had a pair of fake nerd glasses perched on his nose. Kris locked the door behind them and didn't talk until they were sitting in his red Civic and Chanyeol was busy combing his hair and looking in the small mirror.

“Here are the rules: no kissing, no butt grabbing, no sex jokes, and really no signs of any sort of affection,” Kris said as he turned the key in the ignition. Chanyeol stopped combing and looked at Kris with a sideways glance.

“Where the hell are we going?”

“That's a secret.” The car started to drive forward and Chanyeol resumed combing, only to stop a moment later.

“Isn't it my birthday? Why do you get to make the rules?”

“Because you didn't take me out on my birthday.”

“I had a ten hour tattoo!”

“So you push it back a couple days!” Kris tapped his thumbs, annoyed, on the steering wheel. Chanyeol snorted and swiped the comb through his bangs again, before putting it in his pocket.

“You do not simply 'push back' The Wretched Huang Zitao's appointment,” he said in a calm tone that was on the borderline of losing it. His hands were folded together in his lap and he was looking out the windshield with his left eye twitching slightly. “He will end you.”

“At least you would have ended with my birthday dinner sitting in your stomach,” Kris muttered, but Chanyeol couldn't hear him. He was too busy turning the radio on the loudest volume setting and screaming along with the lady who was singing to obnoxious music.

“BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE POP. BUBBLE BUBBLE POP POP!” Chanyeol sang and patted his knees to the beat while pushing out his chest and swinging his head back and forth. A few seconds later he got bored and changed the station and started singing with new girls and waving his hands in the air. “I keep fallin' in love, fallin' in love--” The radio shut off as Kris slammed his hand on the button. Chanyeol's pout would have made Kris guilty, if he would have looked at it.

“Fuck,” was all Chanyeol could say as Kris held his hand to keep him in front of the biggest roller-coaster in the park. It had blue supporters and green tracks. The carts where the people sat had no bottom so their feet would just hang as it twisted and turned in loop-de-loops and flipped upside down more than once. The cart that was running through the track at the moment went up a vertical ramp that just ended abruptly. It stopped and stalled for almost five seconds before dropping backwards and zipping along the track, backwards. The screams from the people were loud, and when they got off, more than one of them stumbled, fell, and threw up on the side. Chanyeol looked at them in horror and then glanced at Kris's amused face. He already felt sick when he looked back at the coaster as the next cart started to go through the turns. “Fuck,” Chanyeol repeated and stared at the big green letters that spelled “Aftershock.”

“Let's get in line, yeah?” Kris chirped and tugged on Chanyeol's hand, leading him towards the line that was growing as fast as seconds tick on a clock. Chanyeol watched another lady vomit in the grass, and he felt like he was about to wretch himself. He tugged on Kris's sleeve, face practically turning green, and he gave Kris the cutest eyes he could muster.

“We should go on that ride!” Chanyeol said and pointed at bumper cars that only looked big enough to fit a smaller-than-average twelve-year-old girl. Kris smiled at him and patted his back and turned back to the ride, giggling when a girl screamed bloody murder as the cart fell backwards. Chanyeol groaned and set his head on Kris's back, in between his shoulder blades, and waited for the line to move up so he could get the ride over with.

Kris kept pointing out things as they walked forward, but Chanyeol wasn't paying much attention. A light snow started to fall and his cheeks were both cold and warm at the same time, his lack of scarf and sufficient, purposeful hat were starting to make him shiver. He buried his face in Kris's fleece jacket to help get his cheeks warmer, but the fabric was covered in the soft snowflakes so it just made him wet. He slipped the cold glasses off of his face and put them in his pocket while whining for Kris's attention.

Kris turned to him and raised an eyebrow. But after seeing his bright red face and ears, he placed his hands, that were just in his gloves, on Chanyeol's bright red cheeks after pulling the hat that was just pretty much meant for style over his big, Dobby ears. Chanyeol wrinkled his nose cutely and snuggled into the touch before mumbling, “Aren't you breaking the rules?”

Kris chuckled and took his hands away and slipped his gloves onto Chanyeol's hands. Chanyeol pressed himself against Kris's side, where he fit perfectly, and pressed his own hands onto his cheeks. “I can break the rules, I made them,” Kris said in a cocky tone. Chanyeol swatted at him, but then squeaked in surprise when Kris pulled him forward, because he didn't realize they were at the front of the line already.

Chanyeol squirmed and whined as Chanyeol wrestled him into a cart, and he gripped onto Kris's arm with a grip so tight it would leave bruises. A few moments later the cart jerked forward and Chanyeol was the first to scream.

Chanyeol's head was spinning, his throat hurt, and his ears were ringing as he stumbled away from the cart and towards the exit sign. Kris was busy laughing and watching the next cart leave with nostalgia, so he didn't realize Chanyeol was feeling a little sick from the violent twisting until he was wretching into a bush.

“Chanyeol,” Kris sighed and walked over to the younger man to pat his back. When Chanyeol stood up about a minute later, he looked a little green but not much. He pushed his mouth into a straight line and held onto Kris's arm when they walked over to the food court because Chanyeol declared he needed some hot chocolate.

With a warm drink in his hands and a mouth that no longer tasted like barf, Chanyeol was smiling and jumping around again when they walked through the game stalls. He dragged Kris to different games and whined for him to win him something, but Kris was horribly uncoordinated with throwing things and such so he was rendered useless after failing several times.

“How can you tattoo beautifully and suck at throwing a baseball?” Chanyeol asked as he stroked the ears of the light brown teddy bear that he won for himself at the ring toss. Kris snorted beside him but didn't offer an answer. “By the way, cheek tattoos hurt. I should give you one.” Chanyeol brought his long fingers up to touch the star that was tattooed in navy blue ink about an inch below the corner of his left eye and wrinkled his nose again.

“But then there would be more matching tattoos on us and we'd look even more like a couple.” Kris took Chanyeol's hand away from his face and patted it lightly before turning to look out at the people once more. They were sitting on a bench because Chanyeol didn't want to walk around anymore.

“Why can't we look like a couple?”

“Because then all of our customers would know we're fucking.”

“They do anyway, dumbass. You waltz into my office while I'm tattooing and your hand lingers a little too long on my lower back,” Chanyeol scoffed and snatched Kris's wallet from his coat pocket before running off towards a cotton candy vendor. Kris hollered from somewhere behind him when he bought the biggest size available, and he laughed and ran out of the park with Kris tailing him.

“I'll give you back your wallet if I can tattoo either your cheek or your neck!” Chanyeol called while sprinting back to Kris's red car. He was being careful of ice because he was never very coordinated, and the snow was making it a little difficult to see properly. He felt big hands on his hips and squeaked in surprise when he was turned around by Kris.

The wallet was plucked out of his grasp and put in Kris's pocket and Chanyeol goofily smiled and took a bite out of the cotton candy in his hand. Kris rolled his eyes, and Chanyeol took a handful of the fluffy sugar and shoved it into Kris's slightly open mouth.

Kris made a strangled noise and Chanyeol pressed the whole cloud to his face and Kris backed him up against the car simultaneously. There were more choked noises from Kris and after a couple of seconds of confusion from the taller man, their lips met somewhere inside the candy.

“I'm all sticky now,” Kris complained as he sucked on his fingers while driving aimlessly through town. “Thanks a lot.”

“You're not the one with cotton candy in you hair!” Chanyeol said in frustration while running his fingers through his copper locks and grimacing. “Whose idea was it to make out with cotton candy?” he yelled, exasperated, when his hand stuck to the back of his head. Kris chuckled and Chanyeol sent him a glare.

“Would you like to shower?” he asked and gestured to the right turn that would take him to Chanyeol's apartment. Chanyeol snorted so loud it sounded like it hurt his throat.

“It's my only twenty-first”-he smiled at the look Kris gave him-“birthday, and I do not want to spend it in the shower.”

“I had to spend my only twenty-eighth birthday watching you get in very intimate positions with another Chinese man,” Kris grumbled and Chanyeol his his arm.

“If a customer is going to pay me six-hundred dollars for Guan-Yu to be tattooed on his their hip, I will tattoo it.” Chanyeol crossed his arms and huffed indignantly. Kris shook his head and turned the opposite way, leading him towards a sandwich shop instead. It was getting around time for lunch.

“You finished the tattoo at nine. You could have taken me for dinner.”

“Next time you are hunched over a man's dick for ten hours, I'll make sure to beg you to sit up in an uncomfortable plastic chair and feign happiness for your thirty year old baby of a boyfriend.”

“I am not thirty!” Kris guffawed and parked in the shop parking lot.

“You are close enough,” Chanyeol huffed and shoved his hat on his head before leaving the car and going to the door of the shop. “Aren't you coming?” he asked with a smirk. The snow was falling and he wanted to go inside.

Kris got out of the car after him and they walked in together. When they had warm paninis in their cold hands, Chanyeol began to talk again.

“How are Lu Han gege and Minseok hyung? I haven't talked to them since I had that falling out with my phone.”

“What 'falling out'?” Kris asked before taking another bite of his turkey and bacon sandwich.

“You know, the one where I accidentally washed it and the screen shattered in the washing machine. I lost all of my contacts. I only have you and some clients, of course The Wretched-”

“I remember now.”

“-Huang Zitao. Anyway, that was a couple of months ago.”

“Minseok hyung has a pretty serious girlfriend and Lu Han gege is still fooling around with anyone and everyone. The last selca he sent me was with some Korean kid.”

“I forget that Lu Han gege is bi sometimes,” Chanyeol said into his sandwich.

“Yeah, I know-why don't you call me hyung or gege?” Kris interrupted himself and gave Chanyeol a hard look. “You used to.”

“That was before you declared yourself Kris when I was in eighth grade. You lost your gege status after that.”

Kris blew air out of his nose, but didn't say anything else.

After lunch they found themselves at Kris's apartment, and Chanyeol found himself in the shower and Kris found himself stretched out on his bed with wet hair and low-hanging sweatpants. When Chanyeol came out of the bathroom he was wearing a pair of Kris's underwear and pants, but neither minded much. Chanyeol had been doing that for the past year and even a little before then.

“Why didn't you let me shower with you again?” Chanyeol gave Kris a glare and laid on the bed beside Kris.

“Water. In places you don't want it. Very uncomfortable.”

“Ah, right. But I like water.”

Kris turned over and stradled Chanyeol's waist and Chanyeol scowled and shoved Kris's shoulder to the side, making him fall back onto the sheets. “I don't wanna,” he mumbled into the sheets after he turned over. Kris nibbled on his ear and Chanyeol made a small noise from the back of his throat. “Stoppit,” he mumbled again and blindly swatted in Kris's direction.

“Aw, c'mon. It's your only twenty-sixth birthday!” Kris whined and kissed down Chanyeol's shoulder. “And you look too irresistible right now.”

“You can't even see my face.”

“I will do this forcefully if I have to.”

“That's called rape.”

“It's not rape if you like it.”

Chanyeol sighed and turned over, a cute pout scrunching up his face. “Fine.” Kris smiled and dipped his face down to catch Chanyeol's lips with his. Chanyeol's hand snaked around Kris's neck and the other tangled in his damp hair, bringing their faces closer together while they both opened their mouths. Kris slid his tongue passed Chanyeol's lips and massaged their tongues together, forcing a moan from Chanyeol. They continued to kiss sloppily while Kris slid his fingers over Chanyeol's inked sides. They broke apart only because Kris was feeling dizzy from lack of air.

“I think that out of everything I like kissing the best,” Chanyeol whispered into Kris's skin as he showered Kris's neck and shoulder with butterfly kisses.

“You're such a girl,” Kris laughed and rolled over so Chanyeol was lying flat on top of him. Chanyeol pouted and rested his elbows on each side of Kris's head and put his knees on both sides of his hips.

“I am not,” he said in the best girly voice he could muster. They both ended up laughing because his deep voice refused to go high and his voice cracked back into his usual low tone in the middle of the word am. Chanyeol pressed their lips together again and rubbed their growing erections against each other.

They both moaned into each other's mouths, and Chanyeol pulled away and started to nibble and bite Kris's collarbone. “Why do you always give me hickeys there?” Kris gasped when Chanyeol bit a little too hard. “It's so cliché.”

“Where do you want them then, My Lord?” Chanyeol said playfully after giving the reddening mark an innocent lick. Kris laughed lightly and raised his eyebrows in the same playful manner.

“Anywhere you wish, my faithful servant.” Chanyeol scoffed and rolled his eyes before licking a trail down Kris's stomach and dipping his tongue into Kris's bellybutton, enjoying the gasp it drew from Kris.

He slipped two fingers into the waistband of Kris's sweats and pulled them down with his boxers so they were settled around the older man's knees. Kris bit his lip at the cold air that hit his dick and Chanyeol chuckled, breath hitting the heated skin. Kris moaned and tried to reach for Chanyeol's hair to guide his mouth over his erection, but Chanyeol was too quick and moved away to start sucking roughly on the inside of Kris's thigh.

Kris let out a shaky gasp as Chanyeol licked and sucked, leaving a big red mark. When he finished he rubbed his fingers over the raised skin and blew on the head of Kris's cock. Kris moaned and gripped the sheets when Chanyeol pressed his tongue onto the slit and closed his lips around the head, swirling his tongue around the flesh.

Kris's head finally made it to Chanyeol's hair and the younger man moaned when his copper locks were pulled, sending vibrations down Kris's cock and making him gasp again. Chanyeol wrapped one hand around the base of Kris's cock and Kris moved his head downwards so he was forced to take more into his mouth.

He controlled his gag reflex when the head his the back of his throat and then hollowed his cheeks. When Kris let out a loud moan, he let the dick slide out of his mouth with a soft pop. Kris looked at him with hooded eyelids, a little surprised but not much, because he always did it. Chanyeol stuck two of his fingers into his own mouth and made them slick with saliva before taking Kris's dick into his mouth again and simultaneously sliding his index finger into Kris's entrance.

Kris moaned loudly again and Chanyeol began to swallow the end of his dick while moving his finger in and out at a steady pace. Kris gasped and writhed on the sheets when he put a second finger into his hole and scissored him, making sure to hit his prostate with his nail.

Chanyeol blew air out of his nose and hollowed his cheeks once more. With a loud moan that almost sounded like a shriek, Kris was releasing into Chanyeol's mouth and the younger man swallowed all of it before taking his mouth away again.

His own erection was making a tent in his pants and he gave Kris, who was still a little dazed, a pleading look. Kris sighed and sat up before slipping the pants and underwear Chanyeol was wearing down to the middle of his thighs and wrapping his hands around his stiff cock. Chanyeol moaned at the heat and Kris continued to rub his calloused hands over the red, heated skin and veins on the underside.

He brought a thumb to the head and pushed roughly on it, making Chanyeol gasp and close his eyes, and then he pressed his thumb nail into the slit, spreading pre-cum all around it. Chanyeol grabbed onto Kris's shoulders and buried his face into the nape of Kris's neck while Kris started to rub his erection at a fast pace. Chanyeol bit into the inked skin and came all over Kris's hand with his moan muffled in the skin of Kris's shoulder.

“We just showered, geez Chanyeol,” Kris said lightly, and Chanyeol laughed and kicked off his pants as they laid down, using the boxers to wipe Kris's hand clean.

Kris kicked off his pants too and they slipped their bodies under the covers. Chanyeol grabbed Kris's forearm and pulled up so his arm was extended in the air before tracing blue veins up to his hand. He pressed their palms together and whispered, “Your hands are huge.”

“But you like them.” Kris smirked and laced their fingers together. Chanyeol smiled. “You remind me of a Whangdoodle,” Kris said suddenly and Chanyeol turned his head to the side quickly.

“A what?”

“Whangdoodle.”

“What the hell is a Wongdeedle?”

“Whangdoodle,” Kris corrected and slid out of the bed to get the dictionary he had on his desk. “Look it up.”

Chanyeol opened the dictionary and stared at the English letters. “You know I can't read or speak English,” Chanyeol said and scowled at the letters and then at Kris.

“Why didn't you take English in high school again?”

“Because Mandarin was much more interesting,” Chanyeol said and closed the dictionary, putting it on Kris's bare chest.

“You can't speak Mandarin either,” Kris deadpanned and Chanyeol frowned.

“Can too!”

“Then say something.”

“Ni hao.”

“Wow.” Kris laughed and flicked Chanyeol's forehead. “You took it all four years and that's all you remember?” Kris laughed more and Chanyeol picked up the dictionary and hit Kris's forehead with it.

“I didn't say the language was interesting.”

“No, I guess you didn't. Fuck the language, studying the back of Kim Jongdae's head is much more beneficial for things later in life.” Chanyeol slapped him with the book again, but this time his cheeks were flaming bright red.

“I did not stare at the back of his head!”

“You're right! It was the side of his face.” Chanyeol spluttered in defiance, and Kris just laughed. “I remember you muttering about Godly cheekbones while stabbing your food angrily once at lunchtime.”

Kris was having way too much fun.

“Stop!” Chanyeol whined and threw the dictionary across the room because it wasn't helping him. “You still haven't told me what a Waendoodal is,” Chanyeol said in a lame attempt to change the subject, and surprisingly, it worked.

“Oh! It's a charismatic and magnificent creature,” Kris said and kissed Chanyeol's temple. Chanyeol frowned.

After a couple more minutes of silence, Chanyeol pulled on Kris's ear.

“I wanna see Minseokkie hyung and Hannie gege!” he whined.

“I'm not sure they want to see you,” Kris said in a serious tone.

“Fuck you, asshole. They love me!”

“That's what they want you to think-”

“I know that you liked Lu Han gege in high school. I believe that's one thing he might like to know.” Chanyeol imitated a high voice that strangely resembled high school Kris's. “He's just so pretty! I want to-”

Kris attacked Chanyeol with tickles to shut him up.

a/n: I'm sorry if this really sucked. - I had a couple of breakdowns and deleted the whole thing twice. - SORRY. - OH! And please do not expect this to update like a chaptered story. Do keep in mind this is a collection of one-shots, not a chaptered story, so please don't expect me to update it like one. - there actually is a roller coaster like the one i tried to describe. it's at Silverwood in Idaho, and it's actually called the Aftershock and yeah. I haven't ridden it (I've never been to Silverwood), but my sister has and told me about it.