Born to Breed
Yesterday, I was finally able to put into words that feeling I get when I think about juggling family with career: I feel pressured to be ambitious, career-wise, because I feel I will be looked down upon if all I really want out of life is to be a wife and mother. To be clear, I'm not completely unambitious either - I would never be satisfied without progress in my life. Working retail or food will never satisfy me; I'm not content with the idea of staying at an entry-level job for the rest of my life. I want to learn, expand, experience, achieve. I want to strive to use the potential God created in me. But at the same time, if I look 10 years into my future, or if I think about what my heart truly desires out of this life, what will make me happiest is to marry someone I love and raise my children to love God.
I'm very conflicted by this seeming contradiction. While I believe that being a wife and mother is one of the toughest, noblest, most respectable and rewarding jobs, I can't help but feel that it's still underappreciated and still seen as insignificant in comparison to being a driven career woman. Is this a legitimate pressure that I feel, employed by society? Or is it perceived, a result of the messages I receive from the people directly around me and the media. I'm told, "Promise me you won't get engaged during university", "Go experience life before you settle down", "You can't do what you want when you've tied yourself to someone else - go travel by yourself while you can!". As if a woman can't make anything of herself once she's married. As if that's when life ends. The girl who seems so content to be quiet and spend time with her family on weekends, does her mundane little job without any hint of wanting to be promoted, is scorned. Ambition is so highly looked upon, and being aggressive in the business world is sort of...admired.
I feel like I have to hide this desire and magnify the other more socially-praised goals. I feel like a woman who wants to be a wife and mother is looked upon as being inferior to a woman who wants to start her own business, who wants to be a world-traveller, who wants to be a doctor or an ibanker or a musician or graphic artist.
Maybe it's just the way I've been raised. Maybe it's because I know so many intelligent women who do have desires and dreams aside from starting a family, and not very many who make it their priority and primary desire in life. Maybe it's my cultural background, and all the values and beliefs attached to it. Maybe it's the media showing me that ambitious women are sexy, powerful, respected, and that housewives are shallow or banal or insignificant. Maybe it's because being a stay at home mom lacks the glamour of the business world, and instead takes on the routine blandness of everyday life. Maybe it's because we gloss over the beauty and are desensitized to the challenges that everyday life offers. I really don't know, but I want to. I want to understand.
Does anybody else feel this way? Or am I just a little crazy?
I'm very conflicted by this seeming contradiction. While I believe that being a wife and mother is one of the toughest, noblest, most respectable and rewarding jobs, I can't help but feel that it's still underappreciated and still seen as insignificant in comparison to being a driven career woman. Is this a legitimate pressure that I feel, employed by society? Or is it perceived, a result of the messages I receive from the people directly around me and the media. I'm told, "Promise me you won't get engaged during university", "Go experience life before you settle down", "You can't do what you want when you've tied yourself to someone else - go travel by yourself while you can!". As if a woman can't make anything of herself once she's married. As if that's when life ends. The girl who seems so content to be quiet and spend time with her family on weekends, does her mundane little job without any hint of wanting to be promoted, is scorned. Ambition is so highly looked upon, and being aggressive in the business world is sort of...admired.
I feel like I have to hide this desire and magnify the other more socially-praised goals. I feel like a woman who wants to be a wife and mother is looked upon as being inferior to a woman who wants to start her own business, who wants to be a world-traveller, who wants to be a doctor or an ibanker or a musician or graphic artist.
Maybe it's just the way I've been raised. Maybe it's because I know so many intelligent women who do have desires and dreams aside from starting a family, and not very many who make it their priority and primary desire in life. Maybe it's my cultural background, and all the values and beliefs attached to it. Maybe it's the media showing me that ambitious women are sexy, powerful, respected, and that housewives are shallow or banal or insignificant. Maybe it's because being a stay at home mom lacks the glamour of the business world, and instead takes on the routine blandness of everyday life. Maybe it's because we gloss over the beauty and are desensitized to the challenges that everyday life offers. I really don't know, but I want to. I want to understand.
Does anybody else feel this way? Or am I just a little crazy?